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Customer Review

on 3 January 2013
Amazon are now my favourite company as they have managed to troll neckbeards everywhere. When Masterpiece Optimus Prime was announced as getting a UK release by Hasbro, a collective squeal that is normally only heard at Justin Bieber concerts was let out by over 9000 fanboys getting excited over the opportunity to buy one of the nicest Transformer toys in a long time for the price of £99.99.

When Hasbro announced it was sat in their UK warehouse in November, the internet nearly melted down in anticipation. Millions of My Little Ponies were cast aside to fund a purchase of the Autobot leader. With the Transformers fanbase hunting down info on Optimus instead of doing their usual browsing (reading Springer/Ultra Magnus slashfics and downloading porn), a million pornography websites went out of business last Thursday alone.

Amazon then strode valiantly into the picture to create the first ever Op-Roll. Firstly by creating a page with no details but only a vague description the internet collective presumed that it would indeed be the long awaited Optimus and best of all it was nearly free at only £34.99! While most UK buyers remained level headed, TFW2005 user Hosta was driven insane by the suspense and literally exploded over his keyboard in a different way to usual.

After receiving a million and one orders from outraged Americans because a toy was not being released in the Capital of the World first, Amazon upped the anti by firing up the Low Orbital Ion Cannon and pwned rednecks everywhere by not shipping to America. Either that or most American's couldn't find USA on the shipped to countries list due to the complicated spelling of "USA".

American Transformer fans (aka Furries) when into overdrive and promised to NEVAR BY TRANSFORMERS AGEN and ragequit life by an heroing like their idol Kurt Cobain of the band Steps. Superquad7 is now the only American Transformers fan alive and who was unfortunately left to try and clean up the mess on all forums.

UK TF fans knew it was unlikely to happen and so were not entirely suprised when Amazon cancelled all orders with an email that read, "APRIL FOOL N00BS!!!!!! We know it's not April but we couldn't wait that long!" All 38 Transformers fans who thought it would actually happen then went mad in typical English fashion by writing Points of View style reviews on Amazon - "Why oh why oh why would you OMG I AM ANGRY AND NEVER AM BUYING FROM AMAZON I HATE YOU BECUASE I WANTED SOMETHING FOR NOTHING. MOMMY!" which no one will ever read.

Epic Lulz were had in Jersey as Amazon staff collective high fived and at home time they opened the door, got on the floor and everybody walked the dinosaur.

10/10 Amazon. I applaud you.
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