I have tried very hard to use this approach and other similar approaches described in other positive parenting guides (such as Raising your Spirited Child). I have come to the conclusion that these cannot be used entirely on their own, but that occasionally boundaries have to be firmly established. Endlessly listening, negotiating, and adapting our lives to accomodate the so-called "needs" of our explosive child, left my husband and I with a little monster (four and a half year old boy) who ruled the roost, was constantly rude and used screaming fits to manipulate us. After months and months of frustration, I decided that unadulterated positive parenting wasn't enough, and bought a book called "Backtalk" which teaches parents how to impose boundaries and discipline children who are rude. Within two weeks, our lives had changed for the better. Our 4 year old boy stopped screaming (because if he did I walked out of the room after saying "I will not be shouted at") and started realising that treats and privileges were just that, privileges. He no longer has a dreadful sense of entitlement and is a much more normal child, able to take no for an answer. I don't agree that explosive children tend to have authoritarian parents. We never were.
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