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Customer Review

on 15 January 2013

The partners of Messrs. Bendini, Lambert & Locke have an announcement to make. It has come to our attention that Mr. McDeere, who you will all know as an associate of the firm, has engaged a literary agent, a former lawyer by the name of John Grisham, who has helped him write his own account of his career with Bendini, Lambert & Locke. The book is titled, 'The Firm'. Clearly anyone found co-operating with Mr. McDeere or Mr. Grisham will face disciplinary action.

We also understand that 'The Firm' is already attracting reviews on Amazon. According to one reviewer, a T. T. Rogers, 'The Firm' is "...an excellent novel, Grisham's best..." This T. T. Rogers character also has the temerity to add: "In his construction of the lamentably corrupt law firm of Bendini, Lambert & Locke, Grisham shows that the most sinister evil comes with a smiling face. It's perversely comforting to know that anyone can be taken in by this kind of evil, but at the same time chilling. As the story progresses, Grisham skilfully constructs a creeping sense of unease and moral entrapment. There is little obvious drama; this is more a modern morality tale that sets-up society's conventions for attack by accentuating the very worst qualities that our most respected citizens exhibit within a bankrupt social system. Grisham slowly unveils a Southern law firm's corrupt heart, which rests, viper-like, within a comforting net of white-shoed insouciance, pouncing suddenly and trapping McDeere in its net. Yet the novel's dénouement isn't so much a moral vindication, more an amoral victory for the main character. McDeere is ensnared by his own shallowness and greed, but he thrives on it; he is not a sympathetic character, very much more akin to an anti-hero, if not a villain of a kind in his own right."

Now, it's clear to us that this T. T. Rogers fellow has not the first clue about real literature and he is just full of so much bombastic waffle. He is an eccentric and not a very popular reviewer on Amazon at that, so the damage to the firm is minimised and we needn't worry. Nevertheless, our security team will be visiting on T. T. Rogers with a view to having this scurrilous review replaced with a statement of clarification from the firm. In the meantime, anyone caught browsing the Amazon website - especially the book reviews of T. T. Rogers - will also be liable for disciplinary action.

As you all know, Bendini, Lambert & Locke practices to the highest ethical standards. However recently we conducted a review of a sample of live files and we identified discrepancies between time-recording and billing data. We will be asking you all individually to rectify any apparent errors and put files in order. This will be in readiness for an inspection visit by the State Bar, which we have requested and which we welcome as an opportunity to reassure the Bar that we are an upstanding and ethical law firm.

Mr. McDeere's nefarious activities have now been referred to the City of Memphis Police and the State Bar and we anticipate criminal and disciplinary procedures will be commenced against him. We have also filed for an injunction in federal court against the FBI, blocking any further investigation and ensuring no search and seizure of our offices in light of their illegal investigative methods (which included, inter alia, the theft of our files). Furthermore, we have submitted strong complaints about these disgraceful and highly improper activities to the Department of Justice and the FBI Inspector-General respectively. These are flagrant abuses on the part of a few rogue FBI agents and we have made it clear to the authorities that this type of corruption will not be tolerated.

Now you all know Mr. DeVasher, our head of security. He and his colleagues will be speaking with each of you individually over the next few days. Most of the meetings will take place out of the office, to ensure minimal disruption to billing. It is important that we conduct these meetings as quickly as possible so that we can establish an understanding. Any current live files you are working on will also be reviewed to ensure they meet our standards. We expect your full co-operation in this endeavour.

Bendini, Lambert & Locke remains the pre-eminent mid-sector corporate tax firm in the United States with a reputation for high-quality and discreet advice to its many established clients. We look forward to working with you to protect our good name and build a future we can all be proud of.

While writing, a memorial service will be held on Tuesday for Avery Tolleson, who sadly died recently of a heart attack. You all know Avery had been unwell and had to be hospitalised, nevertheless his sad and premature death is difficult for all of us.

Your time spent reading and then destroying this memo should be assigned to your next case file, using billing code FBI1.

Oliver Lambert, Senior Partner.
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