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Customer Review

on 1 September 2013
I knew going in that this wasn't a complete tongue-in-cheek parody, but my goodness, when I realised how self-aware this was about the tropes so commonly found in YA paranormal romances it was just comedy gold.

1.Mary-sue "I'm so painfully normal, but I guess I have big eyes and nice skin and am painfully skinny" lead
2.Mysterious "insert paranormal creature here" boy who is clearly making this a one-sided, controlling, abusive, relationship, (but he's just so dreamy and attractive and I know he's only kidnapping me for my own protection right?)
3.Loving parents and nice practically zero-note friends who constantly get shunned/abused/ignored by the main character because "They're the most important people in my life... but they just wouldn't understand the complications of my relationship with "insert paranormal creature here" who I've known for like a whole week, so I have to keep them in the dark for they're own good"
4.Characters you wish the novel was about but sadly only pop up in a few chapters... (see uncle Neil)

The weird thing was also how surprisingly well crafted the story was and how much work had clearly gone into making this blank slate of a character a true embodiment of the one-note idiot protagonists who dominate this genre.
This beautiful abomination of literature actually surpasses most of it's competitors "most notably Twilight" by actually having a plot... that kept going and doesn't just meander around with the characters doing nothing but talk with the protagonist being an idiot... well they do, but there are actually plot points throughout the novel... THERE IS A STORY HERE.

The thing that really impresses me the most is the clear amount of effort that went into making this work so believably bad and similar to that of it's genre e.g the attention to detail given to how the author clearly was too lazy to have any attention to detail when it comes to writing about REAL LOCATIONS as to where their story is set and also the writing... it's just terribly abominably good. THe clear intentional lack of any real depth of knowledge of the source mythos is great, especially a mythos such as the Cthulu Mythos which WILL anger anyone with even a casual knowledge of it. The over-written descriptions which feels like the author wrote it and then switched 80 per cent of the words with others with the thesaurus function are just perfect. And how the lead here is just so.... so very Ve-hery dumb, her oh so grandiose quotations from Phantom of the opera novel coupled with her total self-absorbtion just cements her as the most unlikable character I have seen in a while... and it's perfect. At least twenty times throughout reading this I stopped and said either, "...Did you really just say that?" or "My God you are the most selfish, self-absorbed idiotdv;0zvb jhtueiwyk kh ngudhysg (inauble rage/laughter)"

Also... this thing has some of the most hilariously memorable quotes in it to match Twilgiht's infamous "and so the lion fell in love with the lamb" e.g "You cannot comprehend me, pultry diminuative one," he growled, "therefore you cannot love me and that is why I cannot go out with you," and "I saw a tear slide down his cheek, "I cannot take you to the Pumpkin Ball"

So all in all If you want an excellent subtle(ish) parody of all that is popular in YA fiction today then give it a read for laughs and a surprisingly well thought out story. You won't be dissapointed.
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