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Customer Review

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for a while, 16 July 2011
This review is from: Hen party little john blow up doll (Apparel)
I found this whilst browsing the Internet looking for porcelain dolls which I collect to fill the gap in my loveless marriage and otherwise joyless life. Obviously this isn't a doll in the real sense of the world and wouldn't fit in my collection (Jemima, my head doll wouldn't allow that) but I was captivated at the uncannily resemblance to my husband. From the pigeon legs through to the flattened David Hasselhoff face and the pigeon chested schoolboy appearance; it was remarkable. Slowly but surely, Jemima and I hatched a plan.

We purchased the doll and blew him up then when my husband arrived home, we strangled him with the flex from the iron and put his body in the freezer. This was quite annoying as I had a pork loin in there which I had to take out to make room for the vertically challenged bane of my life. Jemima told me not to worry and to have the pork for my tea that night so it wouldn't go to waste.

Disaster struck that night though as I learnt my in-laws were coming to visit and I had killed their only son and replaced him with a blow up love doll. Jemima, my head doll had a great idea though and together we rigged up an intricate pulley system in my living room with ropes connected to the arms, legs and head of the air filled jazz replacement. A tape recorder of some mumbling was then placed under the settee as my late husband was not a big talker. The last time I'd ever heard him get animated was when 'Boo bop de brillo'; Serbias entry into the 1983 Eurovision song content, came second after my he'd put a £3 bet on it to win.

So with the pulley system in place and the mumbling tape recorder set to go off at random intervals, I was ready.
I welcomed my in-laws at the door with Jemima in my arms and we sat them down with my latex spouse replacement whilst I made them some tea. Jemima thought it was going swimmingly but when I took the tea in I noticed my Father in law looking at the ropes that made up my new husbands left arm movements. Whilst moving the arm in a shooing motion I tried to mouth 'go away' without moving my lips but I'm not sure I convinced them as they kept asking were their son is. "He's right there!" I replied but I don't think I'd convinced them, maybe its the ears.

Anyway after an awkward half hour of relentless questions they left and Jemima and I breathed a sigh of relief. But it was short-lived. Shortly after they sent a special ambulance for me and took me to Winwick secure hospital. Its not as bad as it sounds in here though as you get SKY TV and Jemima is with me (although she's not happy, she claims I am the mental one and she should be on the outside finishing her plan for a military coop in the Congo).

Can't write anymore as the nurse has just brought me some jelly but if you're planning to kill your husband, I would strongly recommend this love doll as a perfect paddling pool-esque man about the house. (I can't comment on the filthy side of the marriage though as we hadn't had relations since 1981, that business is just disgusting).

@razormedia
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Review Details

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Reviewer

A. Bruce
(REAL NAME)   

Location: Manchester UK

Top Reviewer Ranking: 2,572,187