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Customer Review

197 of 210 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Hands down, the WORST piece of writing I have EVER come across, 26 Jun. 2012
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This review is from: Fifty Shades of Grey (Kindle Edition)
I didn't want to give this any stars but according to Amazon I must give something so I have, very reluctantly, given it one. I am SO mad at the author for passing off such god-awful writing that I am tempted to write to her. Yes, yes, I know, it's supposed to be an erotic novel so I shouldn't expect it to be well written. In my defense I didn't know it was the modern-day answer to Jackie Collins, (I only read it cos my boyfriend is currently working at the Heathman and he was telling me about an author who was staying there and was causing a stir with the book she wrote....) ANYWAY, that's my excuse.
Honestly though, is being an erotic novel mutually exclusive to good writing? Or even just READABLE writing?! This book reads like she wrote a total of 2 scenes and then just slightly changed them over and over again to stretch out over a whole book. She seems to find words that she thinks sound intelligent and then just use them again and again and again and again. Not a word of a lie. I have never read the words "impassive" "mercurial" and "woah" more in my life. And I never want to read them again. The characters are SO unbelievably cliched, I just wanted to smack them, especially the beautiful, young, intelligent, self-deprecating, headstrong, hardworking, much beloved lead female character who has many male friends who all want to shag her something rotten but she "just doesn't realise" and she just loves them like "a brother". By the way, this is the same girl who is a university graduate but doesn't have a computer, email address or mobile phone. Yeah.
The writing and irritating characters were SO annoying that any semblance of eroticism was completely knocked out of the book, it's that bad.
I could go on and on but I won't because it's making my blood boil.
Needless to say I don't recommend it.
If you are in the market for erotic novels (and this is my first and will be my last) I suggest you write your own. I promise, it will be much better. Or just watch some porn.
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Showing 1-10 of 15 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 26 Jun 2012, 19:05:03 BST
Y. Stewart says:
Brilliant review. With you 100%. I'm on a one woman mission to try and rid the world of this complete and utter dross. At least I thought it was a one woman mission, thank the Lord I'm not alone. It's scary that there are women out there who want a Mr Grey of their own. NB. Note how all the 5 star reviews begin with: OMG. Tells me all I need to know.

In reply to an earlier post on 26 Jun 2012, 19:11:24 BST
Rini says:
You're a woman after my own heart. I was so depressed after I finished this book because I realised that THIS is the book that is currently sold out in most book shops and is what most women are avidly reading and OMGing about. It makes me want to weep.

Posted on 26 Jun 2012, 19:46:10 BST
I agree with you so much. On the 'mercurial' comment. I recently read 'Rapture' by Lauren Kate (a very good young adult author) and she used the word, and I actually groaned internally. Yeah, you read that right, E.L.James has actually ruined another author for me. I was still thrilled with Rapture, don't get me wrong, but I did not need that dark shadow cast on something I love.

Posted on 26 Jun 2012, 21:40:15 BST
Isabella says:
I so agree with you. I totally respect that different people have different tastes, but never before have possitive reviews of book I hated mad me angry. what makes me even more angry is that people like you and me, pulled in by all the hype, download the book, thus pushing it up the rankings, only to find it is the biggest load of tosh ever written! I shudder to think of how many schoolchildren are going to find this their first introduction to sex education.
the question is why? Why do people like it?
Why did the author not set it in England as she is so obviously english?
Why did she not get it edited before publishing?
Why did the publishers not get it edited before flooding the market?
And how the heck are they going to make it into a film that is not a blue movie unless they re-write it and give it bit more of a story line?

In reply to an earlier post on 12 Jul 2012, 00:27:48 BST
A.Fosse says:
She didn't set it in England because it was originally Twighlight Fanfiction and I believe Twighlight takes place in Seattle.

In reply to an earlier post on 13 Jul 2012, 15:30:33 BST
Trudy Draper says:
so glad there are other people out there who thought this book was utter garbage and not just me - how on earth did it get published!!!!!! Like someone else said, a day of my life I'm not going to get back, just glad I was reading it on holiday on a sunbed for something to do.

In reply to an earlier post on 14 Jul 2012, 14:50:24 BST
Last edited by the author on 14 Jul 2012, 14:51:11 BST
Nicole says:
I agree with you. I thought this book was written very badly and repetitive with its words and did nothing for me whatsover. I abandoned after 3/4 way through. What a pile of rubbish!

Posted on 14 Jul 2012, 17:13:37 BST
Mrs O says:
Its the only book I have ever read to make me feel that angry too! Bizarre and surreal that all these other women cannot see the same... I am baffled how anyone could like this Christian Grey character, he is awful! I am fuming even more since reading this book has earned her a handsome $1million per week. Outrageous. I want to write to her to tell her to get over herself and not think she has put something good out to the world... and to never, ever write again.

In reply to an earlier post on 14 Jul 2012, 17:51:20 BST
Y. Stewart says:
I have never been so riled up about a book in all my life! There's been a few books I haven't got on with over the years. Some a bit boring, some I haven't liked the subject matter....but this thing!!!!! Dear God it's beyond awful! I despair there are people out there saying this is the best book they've ever read. And don't get me started on those who say I'm a prude for not liking it!! I could tell them some stories....I get annoyed with myself for getting annoyed!!

Posted on 31 Jul 2012, 16:24:56 BST
I actually did email the author and received no reply. Why would she when she is coining in millions with people like us buying this awful book - even if we abandon it a quarter the way through we have still bought it. It is beyond awful. I threw it in the dustbin after reading half way through the first sex scene. Between the "Oh my" and the bottom lip biting and the ghastly Christian I had enough. What a heap of crap. Hideous!!!!!!!!!!
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