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Customer Review

on 16 December 2009
I began reading Miller, with The Drama of the gifted Child, several years ago and it lead me to embrace her ideas quite strongly for a time, believing that doing so would help me heal, deal with my emotions and move forward with my life. However, after much effort, I found that Miller's ideas are nothing but a dead end.

When I first began reading Miller I thought she has the answers I'm looking for and she seemed to provide solutions to many of my problems as well. Miller does actually say quite a lot of insightful things about child rearing and it's emotional impact on children (though not nearly as insightful as she would have her readers believe) but at the end of the day she does not give her readers any practical way to deal with their problems. All she really gives her readers is lots of meaningless moral platitudes about "facing the truth" and "moral indignation". She seems to believe that healing is a moral act, which I now know could not be further from the truth.

The fundamental problem I see with Miller is that she is overly moralistic, she seems to see every emotional issue in grandiose moral terms, which is ironic given that she writes about the emotional origins of grandiosity in this book. Because of this I think following Miller's ideas is likely to cause more problems than it solves. I think I, like many people, followed her ideas out of desperation, she said lots of things I wanted to hear, like "its not my fault, its all my parents' fault" but I now think this is part of the narcissistic cycle of blame and self-blame, which Miller only feeds; I think its only when you start to see the uselessness of blame at all that you start to move forward.

I found the book "The Narcissistic Family" by DonaldsonPressman and Pressman a far more practical, optimistic and helpful book than any of Miller's, and I highly recommend reading it instead(Its written for therapists so is a bit expensive but well worth it).
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