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This review is from: 25th Reich [DVD] (DVD)
The most important thing missing from Amazon's product description was that you have to watch part 2 to find out what happens. If you can be bothered. So where do I start about part 1?
Five wooden, unconvincing actors plodding through a weak script, dodging pathetic special effects and doing lots of meaningful looks to camera or to each other (I wondered if they were thinking "Quick, say your line so I can deliver my next gem."). Actually, the most convincing actor was the steely metal box being carted about on a stretcher that was supposed to be a time machine - all dials and switches with a spinning round coat hanger on the top. That made a bleepy whooshy noise.
The swarm of vicious killer giant dragonfly bug-things was laughable. The army jeep having to stop because a small tree was on the dirt-track was a joke - "Guess we're on foot from here" or some such drivel. The cod-American-Italian-Jewish accents were truly astonishing.
Loads of panoramic shots of rugged countryside were nice, but most of them unnecessary and irrelevant. Still by showing lots of mountains and ravines you can get away with less dialogue, fewer props, even less plot development and don't need to work your five actors too hard. So well done there.
Oh and the computer-generated almost-cartoon panther-puma creatures, they were splendid. Sixth-formers could have done better with crayons. We learn they're extinct marsupial lions. Becuase we've all rippled back 50,000 years. So that's ok then. Hey did you know that trees looked exactly the same in those uber-olden days?
But the piece-de-resistance has to be the giant robotic spider-nazis-from-the-future, complete with Stormtropper helmets no less, apart from the Kolonel who sported a Panzer-Kapten-style peaked hat. We burst out laughing when they appeared. Oh yes and one of them then assaults one of our 'heroes', having unfolded a multi-hinged metal appendage specially to do the deed in one of the most ridiculously unnecessary scenes ever seen in a movie.
Then there were the flying saucers, creaking off their pepperpot landing pads into the sky, zapping past the Moon to an uncertain destiny. Could it get any worse? Yes, here come the words "to be continued". That's when you learn your hard-earned cash only bought half a film.
Oh and the two dead soldiers brought back to life. I'd forgotten that for a moment. They looked pale and wan, but at least their woodeness stood them in good stead.
And the flying spinning swastika that turns humans into robot-spiders-etc-etc-blah-blah-blah.
Finally I have no idea what the 25 dimensions thing was about. I don't think it got mentioned. Maybe it did when I wasn't looking.
This film could sit alongside "Plan 9 from outer space" and "The wild women of Wongo" as an example of something so awful it deserves to be called a classic. Or half a classic.
I'd stick to "Iron Sky" if I were you. At least that had some plot, better actors, better special effects, slightly better script, fewer meaningful looks and, best of all, no nether-region-interfering-robot-arachnid-killer-monster-shenanigans.