Top critical review
Why do I keep on buying these games?
5 November 2017
I do it every year and I still don’t know why. I wait with glee as people tell me all the fantastic changes that have been made, how great the journey is, career mode incredible, ultimate team amazing blah blah blah.
I spend my hard-earned cash on the new FIFA and it takes me hours to realise my mistake. Where do you begin on this absolute pile of cow dung?
First touch? Non-existent. Dribbling, only from your mouth. Passing, wayward. Shooting, infuriating. Defending? Doesn’t exist. Don’t get me started on gameplay speed. You will score a worldie after 60 mins of pressure and concede from the next kickoff after your keeper takes the day off.
Career mode has some nice touches, I mean if you like a cutscene you’re in dreamland. Signing every player is a 5 min back and forth with a greedy manager asking for a few hundred k more. Get ready for creepy mouth movements with no speech and subtitles like a foreign film as you get extorted for a bang average player. Then deal with an agent angry and spoiling the deal because you won’t give veteran defender Rod Fanni a signing bonus.
Online is a steaming dumpster too, I don’t play Ultimate team so can’t comment but Pro Clubs is an absolute mess.
Get ready for you and your mates to be shouting profanities and tearing your hair out as you can’t complete a pass or tackle the guy right next to you. The players run in treacle and the anys chase their own shadows. You’ll win games and lose some stinkers but I challenge you to play this game for an extended period of time with a smile on your face, impossible.
This is me done for this year. Roll on next September for me to make the same mistake as I get roped in to buying this utter useless mess yet again.