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A Good Story But Poor Presentation
on 28 March 2017
I downloaded this an age ago and back then it didn't mention the soccer mom part of the title and it shouldn't as I am pretty sure soccer wasn't even mentioned and it bears absolutely NO relation to the story itself, trust me !!
I almost gave in with it quite early in as I happened across mistakes and as a rule if they start in early I'm going to need to plough through a heck of a lot more !! There WERE more but they got more evenly spaced out. However, they really ought to have been spotted.
The first was "Who you are you"? followed swiftly by "I jealous of them", "...and I will this look good on my application","...and gives out hugs kisses".....easily noticed, in my opinion. As was you're being used and not your, then surly and not surely, scraggily and not straggly and the and not then. All of these should never have got through an editing process and nor should quite a few misplaced apostrophes. Laptop is usually the one word as well. A few phrases that were mildly amusing the first and second times they were mentioned soon got on my nerves....a lot. The constant repetition of liar and no backbone got very tired indeed.
I've never heard of the word "suitemates" before which deputised for housemates, really and I wasn't sure what a garden home was. Not something I've heard of. Another phrase I found peculiar was "Her entire body is swollen and numb with dread".....that really means nothing at all. This sentence gave me pause till I realised all it needed was a simple hyphen for it to make immediate sense-"It's time sensitive information" then Yvette ruminates near the ending about her kids perhaps being in a position to witness somebody dying telling us they'd never witnessed a death when not 4 pages back they DID witness quite a horrible one !!
I enjoyed the story. It holds your interest with plenty of twist 'n' turns throughout although some of the characters irritated me as they lied quite a lot to nice people and therefore didn't endear themselves. I almost gave up nearing the end as the story seemed to be heading towards the wrong side of believability for me but thankfully it saved itself in time and pulled back !!
Sadly all these errors cost it one star for me. I would perhaps try another by the author but I wouldn't rush to add her to my favourites.