Top critical review
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If you like loading screens, this is the game for you!
on 24 February 2011
At no point could this game be described as fun.
I can't speak for other platforms, but FIFA 11 on the PSP is terrible. I traded FIFA 10 for PES 2010 but hoped that FIFA would put the glitches right.
The whole point of a portable system is to be able to pick up the game quickly and easily. Unfortunately, FIFA games load at a glacial pace - and the fun doesn't stop there! Kick the ball out of play and be treated to a couple of seconds of darkness broken by the whirrs and clicks of the UMD.
Fifa has a lot of amusing quirks, from 'now loading the loading screen' to a wildly counter-intuitive Libero Grande! mode where you take control of a single player from a constantly shifting 3rd-person shooter perspective and try to play all positions at once because you can't trust your teammates to tackle or score or retain possession and you have to order all the other players to pass back to you on the halfway line even as they are preparing to tap the ball into an empty net. Sorry guys, no points for teamwork, not in this mode!
And you get points for shots on target, so a powderpuff penalty passed into the 'keeper's grateful arms is valued above a thirty-yard bicycle kick that pings off the crossbar.
Your player moves at speeds a sick crab would scoff at.
Even after a goal goes in, the scorer will mill around for a second or two before making a Hitler salute and dashing off to perform a cut scene celebration. All the players look like teenage mutant hero turtles and the cranial polygon surfaces flicker epileptically giving an eerie cyborg look.
In the interests of fairness I gave up on 'be a pro' mode and switched to manager mode, where you control all the players and I realised in order to run you have to tap the run button, not merely lean on it as in Pro Evo. In that moment the game went from being frustratingly but manageably difficult to a complete walkover and I won the last six games at a canter scoring about 35 goals in each. Fans of Worldwide Soccer on the Sega Saturn will be pleased to hear that notwithstanding countless refinements in the last 13 years, there remain a number of reliable scoring methods, my favourite being the sprint to the end of the pitch and pass the ball gently across the goalline to another attacker.
The keeper then flies into action!! by resting his chin on his shovel handle and chewing a grass stalk while your other attacker smashes it into the roof of the net from 2cm out.
Be a goalkeeper is diverting for exactly half of an 8-minute game. You realise this when you notice that the computer AI is too lowly to attempt lobs while you as the keeper perform handstands and cartwheels on the edge of your box for the amusement of the fans.
Yeah so buy PES if you like football on your PSP.