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Not a guide on how to make a aspie-NT relationship work
on 10 January 2011
I read this book shortly after my partner had been diagnosed with aspergers at the age of 46. Although it does highlight some of the emotions and struggles that couples in this situation go through, it does not help in finding out how to make a relationship work, as all I could think while reading was that their relationship was not working. They both have a long way to go to get to a place where they both accept the limitations due to aspergers, and the extra work and compromises required on both sides to really make a relationship like this work.
From my own experience, to make it work, the NT partner has to give up what they now know to be unrealistic expectations of their aspie partner and work with their partner to find out what is realistic. Having empathy and understanding for the aspie partner's difficulties. Getting angry because the aspie partner can't handle a social gathering and acts inappropriately is akin to getting angry that your wheelchair bound partner can't walk up a flight of stairs. And the aspie partner needs to learn that 'this is how I am' is not an excuse or reason for completely following their own inclinations. Compromises need to be made (on both sides) and new skills and strategies need to be learned by the aspie partner in order to cope with the demands of a relationship and indeed of living in the world.