I am writing this review as a family therapist working with families who have young children - my own children are older now. Knowing Bonnie Harris and her wonderful previous book `When Your Kids Push Your Buttons' I was curious to see what this new book is about.
I was not disappointed- the book is accessible, concise and organised. It does a great job in helping parents better understand their children's needs and perspective. So often we get caught in our own agenda, needing to get things done quickly and expecting immediate obedience from our kids. Bonnie encourages us to take stoke and look at the situation from their point of view. When we have a good understanding of our children's perspective, we are likely to feel compassion instead of resentment, and can concentrate on problem-solving rather than resort to punishment. Bonnie shows how children are different from each other, and how parents can communicate effectively to find solutions to make life easier for their particular family situation.
The book is very clear in structure - it contains eight principles that are then applied to typical family flashpoints such as morning routine, sibling rivalry and homework. A very good read. I will recommend it to my clients together with my own book, of course!
I borrowed this book 2 years ago from the library amongst many other parenting books and this one helped me enormously with my son so I have bought a copy for my daughter when she gets to that challenging age all toddlers / children get to.
I found the whole aspect of the child having a problem rather than being one extremely helpful. Whenever we found ourselves in a battle of wills I remembered this and it made me more sympathetic rather than reactive. Also the concept of who owns the problem, you or the child, this often applies. When the child is actually behaving just like a child should but it's the adult who feels uncomfortable and punishes the child for his/her own feelings rather than allowing thr child to be a child and being aware enough to take responsibilty for ones own environment and response to it.
I can not recommend this book enough! I still have the tips I wrote on the fridge when my son was 2 and it still applies now he is 5. He is a well mannered extremely responsible and confident little boy and I have never once 'smacked him' or really raised my voice.