I bought this book as a present to myself this Christmas although, if all of my dreams were to come true, it would be jointly responsible for bringing just as much pleasure to a certain lady of my acquaintance as it has so far brought to me. And the pleasure it has so far brought me is almost indescribable, arming me as it has done with everything I would need to make that lady moan for hours and hours on end. Of course, I have always had the power to make her do that... but, in this instance, I'm talking about moans of ecstasy, not little digs about my weight, our marriage or how useless I am. This book is highly educational and extremely motivational and, if it can't one day make my ex-wife fall head over heels in love with me, then I'm at a loss to think what might: apart from a major lottery win, I suppose. I just have to find some way of making her read it, that's all.
The book, in its very introduction, proudly states that it is for partners of either gender. It seems tragic to me that a lot of ladies maybe aren't comfortable (or even all that familiar) with the layout and complexities of their own nether regions, especially when you think of just how much pleasure they could be missing out on. Much of this work is devoted to actually explaining what does what and how every woman's bits and pieces are different but equally attractive. I was going to say that's a welcome piece of positive stroking by the author, Violet Blue, but it doesn't sound quite right here, in that context. There are one or two diagrams of the area concerned but nothing particularly 'in your face' (THAT phrase doesn't sound quite right to me either). One thing's for certain, the female lovemaking anatomy is a whole lot more pleasing to the eye than the sort of thing Nature in all her wisdom (or just plain spite) saw fit to bestow upon me.
My ex-wife would no doubt tell you that it was Mother Nature's stinginess in that one particular area of interest that was responsible for our complete incompatibility in the bedroom and, ultimately, our divorce but I'm afraid I would have to disagree with her on that score. You see, chapters 7 and 8 of this book ( entitled 'Oral Seduction' and 'As You Like It' respectively), which deal with things like tongue techniques, stroking, rhythm and a variety of different positions, did not exactly tell me very much that I did not already know. Albeit what I know hasn't really been put into much practice since long before I got married. But knowledge on the part of the 'giver' is not much use to anyone unless the 'receiver' is happy and relaxed in that state. Which was certainly not the case with us. And that's what made me think this book has just as much to offer my former wife by way of reassurance than it does the likes of me as a handy reference guide. I just have to find some way of making her read it, that's all.
Ladies have 'Four Fears' it seems, in relation to this whole subject. One of them is the worry that they don't look 'normal' down below, whether that's through something being larger than 'average' or hairier than 'average - although, as the author has already told any lady who has got as far as page 14, every woman is perfectly and gorgeously unique. That goes for every aspect of them really, never mind just the equipment they've been given for the sole purpose of pure, unadulterated pleasure. Then there are fears about how they might somehow smell or taste bad. I think I can safely say that my former wife probably suffered from all of those, all wrapped up in a much more all-encompassing fear about how she looked in general. Especially naked. The onus was usually on me to 'get on with things' as quickly as possible, something I unfortunately used to invariably take rather too literally.
Even when, on those frustratingly rare occasions, I did manage to convince her to let me at least try to give her pleasure Violet Blue-style, it was impossible for either one of us to relax. She (I think I'm right in saying) used to worry about taking too long to achieve her own peak of sexual excitement (which is ironic really, given my own take on mine) and that used to detrimentally affect what I was supposed to be doing. Believe you me, knowing that your wife is starting to get angry and frustrated and that she could quite easily break your neck with her knees at any moment is not terribly conducive to a pleasurable and mutually fulfilling experience. That's the fourth fear by the way: the sort of self-consciousness that makes it impossible for a woman to just relax and surrender to her partner. Or, not even to her partner... to herself.
There's a fairly unromantic, but undoubtedly necessary, chapter on 'Health Considerations' which deals with all sorts of nasty-sounding maladies; and there are five very short but highly erotic fictional tales to be found at the end of five of the chapters. There's even a chapter at the end with suggestions of erotic books to read on this subject. The language used throughout this work certainly pulls no punches but it is all quite in keeping with the subject matter. I love the way that Violet Blue has incorporated candid, verbatim quotes from real people into the body of her work. It makes reading this a much more dynamic experience.
Chapter 9 is my main motivation for getting my ex-wife to read this book for herself. It talks about 'Advanced Techniques' which I had never previously encountered; things like 'Erotic Pressure Points' and something calling itself 'Exercising Restraint' which speaks of blindfolds and the like. In a break with our own bedroom convention, this would be her wearing the blindfold, not me (well, I told you, she didn't really like me to see her with no clothes on). I'm getting ahead of myself there of course - she hasn't even read this book yet. But I'm going to donate my own copy to her, just as soon as I've finished this review. And as soon as I've finished highlighting the stuff I most particularly want her to take on board. Even if she does, as seems most likely, then just tell me to go take a hike, I hope she will at least finally start to see herself the way I always saw her. Or, the way I would have done, without that damn blindfold.
I just have to find some way of making her read this, that's all... .
on 19 January 2013
How I wish this book had existed when I was a teenager. It would have saved me a rap sheet of frustrated lovers and broken relationships as long as a porn star's pork sword with a pommel on the end. Men, if you're really serious about being a good lover, go out and buy this book. It will be the best fiver you ever spent. In fact, I'm thinking of buying my girlfriend the author's companion volume, The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio, next Christmas. Not that she needs it, you understand.
I've posted a more detailed review, too long to put here, on my blog.