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4.4 out of 5 stars
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4.4 out of 5 stars
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on 12 February 2012
I decided to buy this book as it does not take the traditional victim-hood paradigm that creates the ideal scenario for perpetual violation. This book says NO to abuse and abusive individuals by giving readers the courage to break the bonds of emotional and physical oppression. It does this by encouraging the reader to examine themselves and find out what attracts predators their way through vulnerability and learned behaviour. The Betrayal Bond examines our social structure and its effect on the the way we pacify and excuse negative behaviour patterns.

I highly recommend this book!
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on 27 April 1998
As we've come to expect from his previous cutting edge books, Dr Carnes integrates a good blend of theory and practicality in his writing. In The Betrayal Bond the author first establishes the basis for seeing how and when relationships become and stay exploitive, and what is required to break the cycle of abuse toward healing. A REFRESHING ADVANTAGE of this book is that nearly half of it is dedicated to sequencing concrete steps for identifying problems and change on a path of awareness, action, recovery, and hope. This book, therefore, stands to be very helpful to the consultant and victim, the practioner and patient in charting a way of understanding, identifying specific goals, and marking progress toward achieving them.
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on 1 April 2013
As a psychologist, I have read hundreds of books. As a human who has struggled all his life I wish I had come across this one far sooner. For anyone who is unhappy in a relationship, yet cannot walk away, this book will provide answers and practical help. It goes way beyond co-dependency and explains why tragically survivors of child abuse are very likely to end up in painful adult relationships and more importantly what to do about it.. It is without doubt the most incredible book I have ever read. Good work Patrick, you are a class act and thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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on 9 July 2013
This book is not well written. He believes the problem is an addiction rather than the complex issue of abuse. I could not read all of it as it was so glibly written. He does not know his subject area. I hated it.
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on 6 January 2008
The title of this book put me off initially as I thought that it could not possibly have any relevance to my life or experiences. Of course I was wrong, the book is great, it is clear and has lots of true life scenarios. It is quite heavy going because of the complexity of exploitative relationships but it makes so much sense. I really am starting to see patterns and links within my romantic relationships and am starting to feel equipped to face new partnerships with knowledge, confidence and a sense of enlightenment. I would highly recommend.
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on 1 February 2013
The preferred form of the adjective meaning tending to make use of selfishly (exploit) is exploitative, not exploitive. This grammatical error needled me every time I came across it in the book, which was often.

I may have read too many of these self-help books now, I'm losing patience with them. This one is heavy on questionnaires and form-filling.

One thing I found of use from this book was the recognition that I do have PTSD, or at least a sign of it: I dread the phrase"can I have a word?"
For no reason, I freeze, panic, and assume I'm in some terrible trouble. I now realise this is because it was a favoured tactic of abusive bosses: to get me into their office, with a closed door, and then subject me to quite horrible & personal shouted abuse, on the pretext of "having a word". These meetings weren't constructive, they weren't designed to improve my performance, they were used to humiliate me and batter me into being submissive to the abuser.
To this day, 15 years after the last episode, I still have that terrible, stomach-dropping feeling of being in awful trouble if somebody says "can I just have a word with you?". I feel like a naughty child again, even though I'm more than middle-aged now.
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on 3 August 2013
This is a nuts and bolts approach to learning about why people remain loyal and bonded to a person even when they know they are damaging and do not like them anymore. It will help you to examine the patterns and motivations in past events and to heal them and create healthy, personal boundaries for the future. I am just working through the last two chapters and will revisit this book when I need a reminder to help shake off years of conditioning!
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on 15 November 2011
I've yet to finish this book but i'm moving through it very quickly which is always a good sign. I've felt uncomfortable when reading many parts of it as i recognised myself within several of the situations talked about within the book. I don't feel working from a book alone with any kind of abuse that someone has experienced is a good thing and the book itself suggests further help, but for anyone who has explored the subject matter in other areas will find this one of the most informative books at least i've certainly read. Be prepared to confront some painful issues within your life that you may have experienced that will bring up distressing thoughts, but it is an excellent book and if used with getting further help from a professional source, i would certainly recommend it.
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on 23 October 2014
brought on kindle and wow what a great book so much stuff for people to identify with and see why they act as they do towards others , if counselling or just curious as to why relationships don't work then buy this
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on 16 August 2015
I'm less than half way through this book, and will admit for me it is hard going emotionally.

But it is very good I purchased on the Kindle but will be buying a hard copy. There are some diagnostic assessments which having on paper would of been easier to complete.

Good book, if you have come this far and you think or already know you are Traumatically bonded or as the title suggests Betrayal bonded.
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