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4.4 out of 5 stars
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on 11 November 2009
This is the best book on relationships I have ever read (and I have read a lot!). It is not a book about 'dating', which is a real positive, as many books I have read about male/female relationships are about 'how to play the game'. This book is about being comfortable with yourself and being ready for a relationship. When you are ready, it advises on the best way of meeting (and recognising)someone else in a similar space. There is little point in trying to form a relationship until you are both in the right place - sounds obvious, but I am sure a lot of us having wasted time trying to make relationships work when the timing is wrong for one party.
The book is practical and pragmatic, with lots of examples of individuals of different ages and in different circumstances (divorced, children, widowed etc). I found the fact that it was written someone who lives in the UK meant that it was much easier to relate than some of the very US-centric books on relationships I have read. Having said that, the advice would benefit anyone from anywhere across the globe.
The book is very well written. I can't recommend it enough - I couldn't put it down. Thank you Andrew Marshall - I wish I had read this book ten years ago!
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on 5 September 2010
For those people who seem to either go out with the same type of person all the time without success, or repeat mistakes in their relationships without knowing this book helps to shed welcome light on how and why. If you are interested in understanding the connections in your life at a greater level whilst also learning more about yourself and how you operate, give this a read. My copy is now on a round robin!
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on 6 June 2012
The author is compassionate and experienced and has thought long and hard about why there are so many long-term single people. He puts it down to an excessively individualistic society, which as a reader can stop you personally feeling completely inadequate about your single status.

My favourite bit of the book is about 'mixing' i.e. how to meet lots of new people while doing things that you find meaningful. This is a real antidote to the cynicism of online dating. It seems to me you can learn through mixing how to be a member of a community, which is what people were more in the old days. This then keeps you happier while you look for love. Hopefully when you find love finally you don't just just sink into being one of a pair and ignore everyone else, and you manage to still have communities and groups as part of your life!
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on 8 February 2012
You may actually have a sorted love life-but this book will show you how your partner's and your own family upbringing have created a set of conditions that can make things work-or be a disaster waiting to happen...It's readable and chatty, unashamedly anecdotal-but Andrew's experience and compassion make every word ring true, and it's backed by research when needed. Like me, you will recognise yourself and your lovers in its pages, and find a solution or at least an analysis of your problems
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on 11 February 2009
Andrew G Marshall has written a tender and insightful account of a modern dilemma - what keeps so many of us single. Not only that, he clearly signposts routes that can lead us out of the "Single Trap" and on to successful and lasting relationships. A beautifully well written and un-put-downable read!
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on 8 February 2009
Excellent book. The gist is that if you can recongize that you're in it, you can escape from it. The thing to be aware of is that there are two steps to getting out of it. Following the authors instructions, it should not be that difficult. I thought this singles book was one of the better ones I've read. I would recommend it, along with Dating Sense: The Practical Way to Meet, Date and Marry the Right Person.
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on 22 September 2014
Gave me a few things to think about but concentrated mainly on your past and how to not make the same mistakes again. You need to have been in LOTS of relationships and have parents that are alive to be able to complete the activity's. If, like me, you have spent your adult life with one person and are just wondering how to start dating and get out of the single trap it's a pretty pointless read as everything is about comparison or previous relationships. I cannot compare where 'I went wrong' or what likenesses previous partners have had, I have only had one relationship. I cannot confront my parents about my childhood issues as they are dead and I don't have siblings.

I want to read more about how to date. I want to know how it works, when to ask the important questions and when is ok to hope for more without scaring a potential new partner off. After a couple of dates and you stop hearing from the other person help me understand why, what to ask and how to put it. Is it ok to ask or does it make you look desperate when really you are just disappointed. How long do you give it to wait and find out if there has been some family disaster and that is why they don't reply before you just go back to the 'another one isn't interested'. Dating is not fun. it is just plain stressful!!
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on 10 February 2009
A brilliant wake up call for all those who are trapped in singledom and either cannot recognise and admit it or don't know how to escape from it. Andrew Marshall turns the spotlight on this very personal of dilemmas and focuses uncompromisingly on the psychology and root causes, offering at the same time a number of exit strategies. A useful reference and guide for singles of all ages.
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on 1 October 2014
Most of the time I am very generous with my stars but after reading this self-help book (2010 edition -used - amazon/nailseabooks -) I was a little disappointed. Only half way through towards the end chapters were coherent and made sense to me.
I have read so many other well-written, well-organized self-help (pop-)psychology books on relationship issues addressing far more complex problems than this and some Do give away <top counselling trade secrets> but not this one.

Having read the first 75 pages - I found this blended Freudian + CBT approach is somewhat weird and very out-dated in this cosmo-style-book-format .
I am not undermining the author as a <<relationship counselor>> - just simply struggle to connect him as I feel that often there is no cohesion between chapters and topics. When he has a few valid points to make -he 'clutters it' with detailed countless case studies (that bore me death) and I keep wondering :"Where is the bief?" ...

Regarding the subtitle: "The two step guide to escaping it and finding lasting love ..." - well, brace yourself : there are more than two steps to find that elusive love ... page 171: The First Step -Escaping the Single Trap : The Seven Key Lessons ...

1. Do not punish yourself ( I stopped that since I gave birth to two children ...)
2. Like attracts like ( yes,, what about : "opposite attract?")
3. Forgive Your Parents ( I have done that -since I entered my own parenthood...)
4. Embrace and learn from your feelings rather than numbing yourself ( what about 'cognitive dissonance' ?)
5. Unhook the legacy of one relationship before embarking on the next ( yes, that could take a while - this on its' own a few steps: such as 1. staying no-contact, 2. re- set boundaries 3.reinvent yourself - bearing in mind your own little legacies if you are over 35 yrs old ... if you are not a female you can cut corners -of course ...)
6. Love is not a cure -all ( all I wanted just a stable family unit in an avarage house ..)
7. Become more balanced - middle way is the best ( Yes - of course : Aha moment yet again : "Golden Mean" = happy medium - I need a golden compass but a lot of people would need a good golden moral compass too...)

Finally - don't play the dating game if you are internet dating just follow another few step sound advice...though I have to give him credit that he is addressing contemporary important issues if you choose to online date.
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on 17 April 2010
I bought this book after reading all the glowing reviews but honestly have not found it the well-written, "can't-put-down" book that others appear to have.
To begin with it is not brilliantly edited, with a confusing layout and a large number of typos. It looks like it was written (or finished) in a hurry. Secondly, it misleadingly advertises itself as the a 'Two-Step Guide' to escaping the Single Trap - but each of these two steps contains dozens of lists of other steps and exercises which (quite rightly) need to be looked at if we are to change our own attitudes towards ourselves, our parents, our past relationships etc.
Although Marshall states this is the book his clients asked him to write, the vast majority of what is here has already been written in other self-help books, often better. Some ideas included appear, bewilderingly, to have been included as space-fillers (e.g. Unlocking Your Secret Love Agenda, which peters out under the strain of trying to force examples into a bizarre framework).
Much of the advice and many of the conclusions are so simplistic that it is, in places, embarrassing to read and some made me gasp with amazement at their naivety. To be honest, the book nearly got thrown in the bin on several occasions.
And yet there are good bits in here - some of the recent research included is jaw-dropping and useful, yet I felt I had to wade though treacle to get to them.
Overall, if this book was re-edited it could be greatly improved, and in it's present form I wouldn't recommend it to others without reservations. However it is inexpensive on Amazon, so if you don't mind wading through the morass to get to the good bits, go for it!
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