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4.5 out of 5 stars
21
4.5 out of 5 stars


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on 12 July 2009
Superb book; simple, clear, immediately understandable. Good for professionals who train colleagues who work with difficult teenage girls. Also relevant for parents who have daughters are not happy/ seem to be ill- with no real cause/don't seem secure etc but are not being "bullied"
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on 6 May 2014
this book has been brilliant as it has given me an insight into teenage girls friendships & enabled me to guide my daughter through what can be at times a battlefield
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on 5 June 2008
A stunning book. It's very rare for US advice books to be relevant to British society, but this one is not at all culturally specific. No American peculiarities (evangelism, no sex before marriage, cheerleading) are mentioned - just excellent, straightforward information about what really goes on in teenage girls' friendships, and advice on how to help your daughter overcome the problems of cliquiness. It all rings incredibly true: as you read through the social categories Wiseman identifies (Queen Bee, Messenger, Target) you find yourself thinking, "I knew that girl!" and analysing how your own secondary school peer group fitted into these patterns. This makes it fascinating reading even for those without children, as genuine insight is provided into how girls think. I learnt a lot about myself by reading this book, which was unexpected!

Wiseman's due particular credit for not just writing about rich white popular girls, as films on this subject have depicted ('Thirteen', 'Mean Girls'). She looks at social class, ethnicity and homosexuality, not being judgemental about any of these but outlining the specific issues girls in these groups face, while emphasising her overall point that most teenage girl friendship groups follow the same sorts of patterns. After all, all girls are having to find their identities within impossible cultural models of ideal femininity, which demand that she is sexy but not slutty, confident yet not threatening to men. Wiseman's particularly good (and even-handed) at assessing the social pressures teenage boys are under, and why this can lead them to treat girls badly so as to seem manly. Show this section to your daughter, because it explains a lot! Throughout the book, no excuses are made, just advice on how to have proper, supportive conversations with your daughter and help her find ways of dealing with peer pressure. I wish my mum (and I) had read this when I was 14 - that says it all, really.

Some parents might be shocked: this book doesn't pull any punches. If your daughter's being the ringleader of mean behaviour, Wiseman insists you deal with it, and likewise if your parenting's not up to scratch. She also doesn't flinch from addressing the darkest side of teenage relationships, namely abusive boyfriends and date rape. It's upsetting reading, to be sure, but this stuff does go on and parents have got to be aware. While never doom-mongering, nonetheless it's a shame the author didn't conclude by saying that most teenage girls do come through their teenage years fairly unscathed and well-adjusted. With parents who read this book and make an effort to do what is says - communicate with your daughter! - I reckon this happy outcome is made considerably more likely.
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on 5 September 2012
If you have a pre-teen this is a essential and if you have a teenager you are already due.
Best thing, is to buy it when you are pregnant buy it and then as your child grows up, teach her how to avoid/ get over those problems (i.e. how to tell her/his peers to go jump over a bridge and leave her/him alone out of trouble).
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on 7 September 2016
Although I appreciate this was a bargain price, the description of 'used very good' is wrong. The outer cover is worn and badly creased and there are names and mobile numbers are written inside. I would not have classed it as acceptable.
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on 8 May 2006
A stunning book. It's very rare for US advice books to be relevant to British society, but this one is not at all culturally specific. No American peculiarities (evangelism, no sex before marriage, cheerleading) are mentioned - just excellent, straightforward information about what really goes on in teenage girls' friendships, and advice on how to help your daughter overcome the problems of cliquiness. It all rings incredibly true: as you read through the social categories Wiseman identifies (Queen Bee, Messenger, Target) you find yourself thinking, "I knew that girl!" and analysing how your own secondary school peer group fitted into these patterns. This makes it fascinating reading even for those without children, as genuine insight is provided into how girls think. I learnt a lot about myself by reading this book, which was unexpected!

Wiseman's due particular credit for not just writing about rich white popular girls, as films on this subject have depicted ('Thirteen', 'Mean Girls'). She looks at social class, ethnicity and homosexuality, not being judgemental about any of these but outlining the specific issues girls in these groups face, while emphasising her overall point that most teenage girl friendship groups follow the same sorts of patterns. After all, all girls are having to find their identities within impossible cultural models of ideal femininity, which demand that she is sexy but not slutty, confident yet not threatening to men. Wiseman's particularly good (and even-handed) at assessing the social pressures teenage boys are under, and why this can lead them to treat girls badly so as to seem manly. Show this section to your daughter, because it explains a lot! Throughout the book, no excuses are made, just advice on how to have proper, supportive conversations with your daughter and help her find ways of dealing with peer pressure. I wish my mum (and I) had read this when I was 14 - that says it all, really.

Some parents might be shocked: this book doesn't pull any punches. If your daughter's being the ringleader of mean behaviour, Wiseman insists you deal with it, and likewise if your parenting's not up to scratch. She also doesn't flinch from addressing the darkest side of teenage relationships, namely abusive boyfriends and date rape. It's upsetting reading, to be sure, but this stuff does go on and parents have got to be aware. While never doom-mongering, nonetheless it's a shame the author didn't conclude by saying that most teenage girls do come through their teenage years fairly unscathed and well-adjusted. With parents who read this book and make an effort to do what is says - communicate with your daughter! - I reckon this happy outcome is made considerably more likely.
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on 9 August 2011
This book has given me real insight into the pressures of being a teen/tween in this technological age.

I understand that the book is approx 8 years old, but Rosalind Wiseman has updated the original to include priceless info on how mobiles, social networking sites etc.. can also skew the game.

I have never read a self help book in my life (and have always smirked when people have mentioned them) so I am glad that the recommendation from a mum on Netmums to read this wasn't overlooked by me.

It is much more accessible than I thought it would be. The language is more like a chat with a friend and she even advises you of times when she has gotten it wrong but how to learn from this. I was particularly impressed with the "landmines" - basically things that will make your daughter role her eyes and shut down communication - and also the what parenting type are you? (I have been a few of them at different times!!)

I feel that my communication with my daughter has improved dramatically already. If you want to see this woman in action go to her website and click through to "NBC - My Kid Would Never Bully." What an eye opener.

A must.
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on 23 May 2008
this book gives the reader very indepth and accurate insight into the life of a teenage girl / boy. if clearly defines problems an faces them rather than shying away, giving advice on how to deal with your troublesome teen in a constructive manner rather than creating more problems. Wiseman explains that it is all about HOW you approach issues with your daughter / son and gives examples of difficult situations. it also has small exemplems of the teens points of view which show their feelings and fears.
an excellent guide to discovering the unpleasant truth about girl world and its rules.
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on 16 May 2006
A stunning book. It's very rare for US advice books to be relevant to British society, but this one is not at all culturally specific. No American peculiarities (evangelism, no sex before marriage, cheerleading) are mentioned - just excellent, straightforward information about what really goes on in teenage girls' friendships, and advice on how to help your daughter overcome the problems of cliquiness. It all rings incredibly true: as you read through the social categories Wiseman identifies (Queen Bee, Messenger, Target) you find yourself thinking, "I knew that girl!" and analysing how your own secondary school peer group fitted into these patterns. This makes it fascinating reading even for those without children, as genuine insight is provided into how girls think. I learnt a lot about myself by reading this book, which was unexpected!

Wiseman's due particular credit for not just writing about rich white popular girls, as films on this subject have depicted ('Thirteen', 'Mean Girls'). She looks at social class, ethnicity and homosexuality, not being judgemental about any of these but outlining the specific issues girls in these groups face, while emphasising her overall point that most teenage girl friendship groups follow the same sorts of patterns. After all, all girls are having to find their identities within impossible cultural models of ideal femininity, which demand that she is sexy but not slutty, confident yet not threatening to men. Wiseman's particularly good (and even-handed) at assessing the social pressures teenage boys are under, and why this can lead them to treat girls badly so as to seem manly. Show this section to your daughter, because it explains a lot! Throughout the book, no excuses are made, just advice on how to have proper, supportive conversations with your daughter and help her find ways of dealing with peer pressure. I wish my mum (and I) had read this when I was 14 - that says it all, really.

Some parents might be shocked: this book doesn't pull any punches. If your daughter's being the ringleader of mean behaviour, Wiseman insists you deal with it, and likewise if your parenting's not up to scratch. She also doesn't flinch from addressing the darkest side of teenage relationships, namely abusive boyfriends and date rape. It's upsetting reading, to be sure, but this stuff does go on and parents have got to be aware. While never doom-mongering, nonetheless it's a shame the author didn't conclude by saying that most teenage girls do come through their teenage years fairly unscathed and well-adjusted. With parents who read this book and make an effort to do what is says - communicate with your daughter! - I reckon this happy outcome is made considerably more likely.
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on 11 February 2015
Bought for my daughter but actually find it quite relevant for all types of 'groups'. There's frequently a lot more to 'friends' than meets the eye. The book is good at explaining various people needs to fit in with the group.... explains a lot, still I believe there are lots of real genuine friends out there too. I didn't actually share this book with my daughter as I'd originally intended as I felt it showed too much of the negative side of friendship, but it gave me a lot of insight into her circles nonetheless.
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