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on 10 May 2017
This book was an eye opener, listing many survival signals that seek to protect vulnerable people from harm, if they learn to recognize them. The book offers an insight into why certain things happen, these are actually not on the spur of the moment as many people believe, but once certain events have taken place. I found the first few chapters especially interesting, although it is good throughout. A must for women who sometimes feel insecure in certain situations, or for those looking for a way out of a difficult relationship. Trust your intuition and the signals that warn you of real danger, it may one day save your life.
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on 4 May 2017
A lot of really interesting and useful common sense that many of us frequently suppress - everybody should read and note these.
However, the book is obviously written by an American targeting U S readers. Of course most of the info is valid this side of the Atlantic but you may have to grit your teeth to get past the worst of the U S style.
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on 9 March 2015
This is a brilliant book. Such an intriguing and empowering perspective on fear. I think this is especially relevant these days, with all the fear-mongering and propoganda from the mainstream media. But this book addresses personal, intimate fear. I mean fear not just of the bigger outside world, but in your day-to-day experiences and dealing with individuals as well. It's a great perspective on safety and how we can take care of ourselves. He shows you how to think rationally and not just be mindlessly afraid of everything.
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on 5 June 2017
An outstanding book, having qualified as a behaviour analyst some years ago. I thought that this book might give me a bit if useful information. Wrong!!!!! This book is brilliant gives a gold mine of information a brilliant read.
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on 2 May 2017
Great book! Hope I never need the tips shared but I now feel best placed to read people/situations. I knocked a star off because there were some repetitions (copy paste) and also too much detail in some sections, making it feel like a psychology class.
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on 11 May 2017
Absolutely outstanding
I have highly recommended this to several people
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on 17 December 2015
OK but overly rambling and too padded out for me.

There are a few good pointers, though I have read them elsewhere, and I agree with another reviewer that the same points are made over and over again as if reader too dim to get it, plus too many stories some of them felt like filler. Really it could be one-third of its size and be better for it.

1. Trust your intuition. Always do what you feel is best in any situation. Don't follow formulas of others' advice. Every situation is different.
2. Be very wary if a total stranger wants to help you.
3. Do not be afraid of appearing "not nice". Be clear if you have no interest in someone and cut any involvement asap e.g. early in dating or something else.
4. Restraining orders are often not a good option as they just enrage a stalker or persecutor. It is better to get away and cut contact. There are different ways to do this.
5. Be careful how you "get away" from domestic violence. Many victims suffer the most as they are escaping/leaving, or shortly afterwards.
6. The risks of dating are the risks of rejection, boredom, disappointment - and the risk of letting some troubled, scary man into your life; be very aware esp strangers as in internet dating.
7. A chapter on employer-employee relationships which was the only thing fairly new to me.

The book is OK, but a lot of it I read elsewhere, sometimes better. I particularly recommend for women re. avoiding or escaping violent men "Stop Signs" by Lynn Fairweather, which is concise and brilliant; it should be required reading.
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on 6 September 2009
This is an excellent informative book that would save lives if women read it. There is enough variety between useful facts and related cases to keep your interest. As the author is American writing for American's you need to need to keep perspective, but that does not stop the fact that this is a must read for those who want to understand themselves and the people around them better and are against violence. All of my female friends will be receiving a copy for Christmas.
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Gavin de Becker's book is far more than I expected. Typically self-help books tend to be rather shrill and include a lot of large font type with daft mnemonics; one suspects the material is a bit thin and has been stretched over the available space. But with de Becker he has (as he ruefully admits) a great deal more than he could (or would) ever recount.

The book's central core is to identify the signs that the author claims one intuitively detects and then to act on them rather than to dismiss them. He opens with a very powerful piece (which I have read before) on the signs that a rape-victim dismissed and those which she picked up to avoid becoming a murder victim. He also identifies the approach used by controlling men. This account completely changed how I would offer help to a woman. This is not just a limited topic however; the identified controlling strategies are ones you will all encounter when talking to salesmen, bossy people and bosses. By identifying them you can act to defuse the alpha-male. The author also does a very good feature on saying "No" clearly.

There is much else that is useful in this book, his chapters on stalkers are particularly good. The keys I took away were that de Becker was himself a victim of violence and had used it well, that his advice was not some macho dream but that stalkers are best defeated by lack of contact and that restraining orders may work in the opposite direction. He also points out that what makes these men monsters is actually what makes them the most human; they act predictably if amorally.

Well written and moderate in tone, I got a lot more than I expected when I bought the book.
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on 26 July 2014
This book has been hyped in the media and is recommended by Carolyn Hax in the Wash Post. It's initially interesting, and its account of various horrible things that have happened to people who ignored their intuition makes good reading for anyone who enjoys watching crime series on TV. However, how long can you milk this point? The basic made in the book is that you often have an intuitive grasp of whether a situation is threatening, and whether a stranger can be trusted or not. The book is interesting, but could have been half the length.
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