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on 9 March 1999
Wow! Finally!!! This book makes common sense look easy, but apparently it is not! I am a 25 year young single woman. Four out of five of my closest friends got married. Four out of those four ended or are ending in divorce. Not a good track record. I always end up helping to pick up the pieces. Now, I have help and wisdom beyond my words!
Barbara is not as brutal and self righteous as Dr. Laura or wordy and fluffy as John Gray. She is direct, intriguing, honest, and helpful to all--married, divorced, single, male, female, all ethnicity's, ages, and sexual orientations.
This book is great for 1. Single people looking for love. 2. People who keep making bad choices in relationships. 3. Divorced people who still don't understand why. 4. And people considering marriage.
The exercises really dig in and have you answer the really tough questions that everyone is afraid to ask you--and you are afraid to ask yourself. And it is the only self help book that does not revolve around religion and it does not condemn any lifestyles. It caters to the individual. That's something new!
The ladies that are divorcing or divorced now know why and they no longer pull the "Victim Card." The ladies looking for love now make better judgements. I, also, purchased this book for 3 of my co-workers who are all planning to marry within the next year. They have a oral contract with me and each other to complete this book with their future wives and husband as well as go through pre-marital counseling. No excuses.
I mean business and so does Barbara!!! Marriages should be built to last! There is no "Poor Me" in a marriage. Everything you need to know will come out sooner or later. Don't waste time! $5.20 is nothing compared to the cost of being a victim.
Thanks, Barbara!!!
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on 12 December 1998
A short review like this cannot even begin to give justice to, or describe the importance of this phenominal book! I firmly believe that this book should be an actual state requirement in public junior high schools for their students to read while they are in that stage of discovering the opposite sex. The information in this book will without question save a person at any age and at any time period of their dating life unthinkable and sometimes unrepairable damages and hearache. The healing that can start to take place withing yourself and the proper preventative measures that you will learn are nothing short of astounding! This is enlightenment at its best! I also highly recommend Mars And Venus On A Date by Dr. John Gray. Together they are the two most valuable books on the market today on the subject of dating and relationships. Both books should be bought together and read and reread thoroughly. The unfortunate part about people in general is that the people who absolutely need to read material like these books, don't. The people who already have a decent relationship and who want to take their relationship to the next level are smart and will read it and apply it. Please take this to heart. If you have any questions in your mind about yourself or about the person you are with or your past dating experiences, read DeAngelis' book. It will change your life! As I said, Dr. Gray's book is equally valuable. I recommend both books even for people who are married. Divorce lawyers would practically be out of business! Don't fool yourself by pretending everything is fine in your relationship if you know deep down in your hear that it is not. It just may be repairable and this is the key to it!
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on 19 January 1998
WOE! TALK ABOUT FORCING ONE TO BE HONEST WITH HERSELF/HIMSELF! Barbara writes with an uncommon quantity of wisdom, helping the reader to objectively evaluate practically everything that could become a problem in a developing or potential relationship. However, she also gives the reader the tools to evaluate whether or not a potential mate will produce MINIMAL problems in a serious relationship; in effect, readers will know if someone is suitable for them or not. Some readers may not even have to reach the end of this book before making that all important decision to continue, or not continue, with that person. Barb uses some "harsh" language, but does not get out of hand by using a profane style of writing. The harsh words she uses are harsh only because they are real. Also, as a traditional and religious reader, I find it difficult to appreciate some of the advice this book gives, like premarital sex, to try someone on, and see if he or she fits. (Religious or traditional readers will want to have their principles "in tact" before reading this book, lest they feel tempted to "give in".) However, this book should be required reading for all people ever planning to get married. Only because this book was not written from a traditional standpoint did it receive only a 9. Otherwise, this book is a sure 10, out of 10.
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on 17 May 2015
I think this book really helps you to resolve all your doubts about what to expect in a relationship and how to go over the issues with your partner. I think it enlightens you to understand that you may be waiting for "Mr right" in your head as you may be in love with the mere idea of what you think LOVE IS, instead of really analysing your relationships and think about what is a healthy relationship. Stop being afraid of getting into an emotional and stable relationship.
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on 26 May 2008
.... yet hard to accept. I wish I had read it before I started relationships that were doomed to fail. This would have saved me (and my partner) unnecessary pain. After reading the book, I still made a wrong decision, but I realized it from the beginning. Man is the only animal that trips over the same stone twice. However, the second time you foresee the outcome much sooner and protect yourself. Follow Barbara's advice. She is definitely right.
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on 4 June 2014
Essential reading for men & women. If you ever wondered where you went wrong the answers are in this book. Always worth using as a reference when meeting someone new. A valuable easy to read handbook on relationships. It helps you weed out time wasters from the get go!
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on 22 November 2015
I changed upon Barbara De Angelis' books by chance on a random purchase. I previously bought her other books, What Women Want Men to Know and Secrets about Men every Woman Should Know ( both great books in their own right ). I had just come out of another loving and physical relationship and needed to understand my thoughts, feelings and emotions on what had happened and what I needed to do to move on but not dod the same things and make the same mistakes again ( sound familiar !!!! ). The book is fantastic about summarising with all of her years of 1 to 1 and radio show phone in's what you need to look for in a relationship and how these things manifest themselves. We all fall into the trap of falling in love at the start of the relationship, and forget to ask questions regarding your future partner ....... this is one of the most important aspects of the book .... ask questions, e.g. if you were buying a second hand car ( yes this is a man's analogy ... so apologies ).... you would ask about ... the mileage, the ownership, what work had been done on the car, had it been involved in an accident, any HPI on the car, and new parts etc. ........ so logically why do we not do this with a girlfriend or boyfriend that we might well end up spending the rest of our life with ???? Beats me as well.
The book will help you if you are unsure on how to tackle this thorny topic and will help you and guide you to making the right choice ....... £5.00 for a book ....... or £1,000's for a divorce settlement ....... Hmmm tough choice ???? Enjoy
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on 28 January 2013
Don't let the title of the book fool you because that's the only clever thing about it. Also don't let the word 'Doctor' fool you either. The book is a hotchpotch of personal opinion and conjecture with a bit of uncited theory thrown in. This book would unlikely pass any thesis requirements. She's less self help guru and more 'aunty who's been around the block a bit'. If you want an aunty style ramble then this is your book. But if you are looking for answers, don't waste your money. This woman is not a practicing therapist. Her 'case studies' are friends she's spoken to over brunch, idiots who have called into her radio show and people she's walked across campus with after she has given a talk. I really can't critisize this book enough. I wish there was a zero star option. It's absolutely the worst book I've ever read!!!
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on 21 May 2009
I was given this book a few years ago. Not only do I still have it on my bookshelf- and go back and read it over and over again from time to time, but I buy it as gifts for my female friends. Any mistake you've ever made in a relationship is in there. Any romantic dilemma you've ever had. It's detailed and comprehensive without losing the reader.And not only is it very enlightening and informative- it's practical and fun to use with very straightforward short quizzes and scenarios using real-life people and situations. It also does what a lot of romantic self-help books don't, which is explain to you in simple practical terms what you should be looking for and why- and how to go about it- using a formula and guiding principles that make sense. A good buy and worth the money if you're someone who's been heartbroken on many occasions. If you like this, I also recommend "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.
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on 15 April 1999
This book aggravated me. Barbara De Angelis list all of these "flaws" and "red flags" to look for in a potential and/or current mate, however, did any of you take a moment to apply them to yourselves. If you were to follow what Ms. De Angelis recommends in this book, you wouldn't find anybody (if you're single) or you'd break up with or divorce anyone you were in a relationship with. Everyone has a little bit of those "fatal flaws" in them. This book just made me feel like the person in your life should be perfect (or somewhat close to her mind, someone who scores an 80 or better). You can't put a score on compatability, it has to come naturally. This book should NOT be read by those who do not have the ability to think for themselves. Go with your heart and how you feel. Learn to recognize warning signs....through experience...not by a book. I don't know about you, but I can pretty much detect when someone has an anger problem or a drinking problem. Not recommended...period.
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