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Misunderstanding of Abuse
on 17 August 2010
This book is not about emotional abuse. It is about dysfunctional relationships where each person brings their own baggage to the relationship and how that can be dealt with. This is fine, and it does this okay. However it cites films as sources of enlightenment and cites no actual research at all.
But the crucial problem is that this book talks about abuse as though it can be accidental. If it is accidental and your "abuser" cares that you are hurt by their behaviour, then it is not abuse - it is unfortunate dynamics emerging because of past experiences. This can be worked on through therapy in a way that should not be attempted in cases of real abuse. The cases described in the book are not cases of abuse, but normal emotional difficulties in a relationship that have lead to destructive behaviours.
For a real insight into abuse, which is stunningly accurate and well researched, read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. The title is off-putting and simplistic but the content is not.
If you are not in an emotionally abusive relationship but are looking to heal the wounds in your relationship brought about by past experience and destructive patterns of relating to each other, then this book may be interesting.