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on 16 August 2012
This book has brought to light some of the many issuse my family history has. I given this book to family members who have found this book a little disturbing but also a very interesting idea of what we do that affects others. Anyone who feels they might be affected by emotional abuse should read this book as I'm sure a lot of people out there don't realise that they are probably emotionally abusive as well . I hope that the people who read this book take stock of there lives and make the appropriate changes to lead a more forfilling life . Good luck to all who start there journey .
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on 16 January 2012
This book is a must for anyone who has been through emotional abuse/neglect or had a very critical parent. I bought it because I was fed up of my husband being emotionally abusive, as I read it I realised I too was being abusive, neither of us intentionally. This book was a real eye opener and really helped me understand myself better and help improve my relationship with my husband and children. An excellent book highly recommend.
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on 15 August 2013
this book was eye opening and helpful to me. I felt like someone understood my strange relationship dynamics at last. I'm not going mad and the problems are not all in my imagination.

However, the author suggests the book is for the abused and the abuser to work on together. I'm not sure this would always be a good idea. I can see how the main abuser in a relationship could use it as another 'weapon' of abuse. They could use the lists of symptoms and behaviours to claim the 'victim' has done the abusing and the abuser is the abused one!

If you buy this, I would say be cautious about sharing with an emotional abuser, espcially if they are manipulative as well. But otherwise I found it helpful as it explained a lot and gives steps to recovery and getting stronger emotionally. It helps if you feel there is something you can DO to help yourself.

If your partner is manipulative, read this alongside "In Sheep's Clothing" by Dr George Simon and get a slightly different take on the situation. They both understand the dynamics of abusive relationships but have a different approach to dealing with them. That will give you insight and options to think about.
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on 13 November 2011
A must for every couple (and for any person actually) if you want to understand how to stop the pain chain.
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on 1 November 2011
Amazingly powerful book encouraging individuals to look honestly at their relationships and why we attract the repetative patterns of abuse. Engel shows the way to take ownership for your emotional health. Because she has been on her own journey, there is a sense of being accompanied on the path to regain self worth and empowerment.
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on 17 August 2010
This book is not about emotional abuse. It is about dysfunctional relationships where each person brings their own baggage to the relationship and how that can be dealt with. This is fine, and it does this okay. However it cites films as sources of enlightenment and cites no actual research at all.
But the crucial problem is that this book talks about abuse as though it can be accidental. If it is accidental and your "abuser" cares that you are hurt by their behaviour, then it is not abuse - it is unfortunate dynamics emerging because of past experiences. This can be worked on through therapy in a way that should not be attempted in cases of real abuse. The cases described in the book are not cases of abuse, but normal emotional difficulties in a relationship that have lead to destructive behaviours.
For a real insight into abuse, which is stunningly accurate and well researched, read "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft. The title is off-putting and simplistic but the content is not.
If you are not in an emotionally abusive relationship but are looking to heal the wounds in your relationship brought about by past experience and destructive patterns of relating to each other, then this book may be interesting.
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on 25 February 2013
I remember coming across this book in some bookshop a few years back but never really thought at the time that it would be of such use to me; how I was wrong. First of all, what struck me about this book is how the author Beverley Engel reveals how the reason I get into emotionally abusive relationships is due to my upbringing, in that I (like many others) didn't consciously choose to be victims of emotional abuse, we learnt to be so.

Yet despite this upbringing, the author also demonstrates how I can consciously take action steps to prevent me from the on-going abuse in different types of relationships, be it with partner, friend, etc. Yet unlike quite a few other such books, Engel also dedicates a chapter of the book to how emotional abuser can have a psychological disorder; hence the abuse.

I would strongly recommend this book for anyone who believes or feels that they are currently being abused by another emotionally!
GOOD MOTHER, BAD DAUGHTER?
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on 9 August 2010
As a former abuser, I have read several self-help books and been in therapy. This book crystallizes the issues I have faced and created better than others. Maybe I needed to get to the core of my problems the slow way by studying assertiveness, anger management, self-esteem and so on to eventually have the strength to face up to the truth of my past behaviour and how to break the cycles and patterns that lead to abuse, as well as how to recover from the abuse I suffered myself.

I would recommend this to any man, single or in a relationship, who feels hard done by by women, or has problems getting or maintaining relationships. It is likely he would find in it a lot of truths about himself in here and how become a better person outwith any relationship.
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on 4 September 2010
The book has open my eyes to a lot of ongoing issues in my life that not even the doctors could resolve in my 11 year stretch of suffering. This book has now equipt me with the mental tools to deal with all emotions in my life and i haven't even finished the book! The author touches on some subjects that will bring tears to your eyes as you look at the page and think its "you" she is talking about. The author has made me realise that I am not innocent either as much as you are a victim you are an abuser, but its not about hiding the fact, it is about addressing it before it affects all your loved ones around you. The book has made me see how my response to situations have been wrong if not made the situation worse. This book will make you start from the begining, from childhood to help you identify where it all went wrong. I never knew there were so many types of abuse in existance. This book makes sense 100%. You may not always like what you are reading but read on, it does not portion blame but allows you to identify where you or your partner may be going wrong, whether it really is time to call it a day or how to relsove the situation.
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on 15 January 2014
Simply an excellent book. Very easy to read and clear yet full with detailed information. Has improved my life immeasurably. Far better understanding is possible with this book. Far too late for my last relationship but greatly helps recovery.
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