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on 18 March 2001
Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys co-authored by Teresa Barker. Two of the country's leading child psychologists share their experiences of working with boys & their families. They reveal a nation of boys who are hurting - sad, afraid, angry & silent. Statistics point to an alarming number of boys at risk for suicide, alcohol & drug abuse, violence & loneliness.
Kindlon & Thompson set out to answer this crucial question: What do boys need that they're not getting? Through moving case studies & up-to-date research, Raising Cain portrays generations of boys systematically herded away from their emotional life by adults & the peer "culture of cruelty"; receiving little encouragement to examine their emotions & develop qualities like compassion, sensitivity & affection.
In Fathers and Sons: A Legacy of Desire and Distance, Kindlon & Thompson open up the sad, sad wound of unrequited love. When a grown man cries in therapy, it is almost always about his father & his yearning for his father's love. Into that yearning has been fed decades of anger, sadness & shame.
Why is it that fathers describe their sons as never listening, not understanding while their sons describe their fathers in similar terms of discontent? Why do sons rub their fathers the wrong way? Can fathers & sons have a close, loving relationship? How can they close the emotional gulf? Kindlon & Thompson have some good ideas, read'em & weep!
Kindlon & Thompson identify the social & emotional challenges boys must encounter in school & the streets & show us how we can help boys cultivate emotional awareness, empathy & health. They offer us seven foundations of parenting, teaching & creating communities that respect & cultivate the inner life of boys. Read'em & weep, then practise them!
Raising Cain is aptly titled for it is one tough book to read! There were portions I dreaded! I do, however, recommend it heartily even if you have no boys in your life - you must have brothers, husbands, co-workers, employees & bosses & this book goes a long, long way to explaining why modern people of the male gender behave the way they do. Do check out our Boy's Week of reviews & others on the inner life of boys & men.
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on 16 October 2009
I cannot recommend this book highly enough and it really should be handed out to every parent of newly born boys. Mine are now 3 and 5, and I rather wish I had had this book when they were born so I could have applied the information it contains from day one. To actually understand WHY boys act as they do, WHY they test their boundaries, WHY they 'drive us nuts' and how to not only cope with it all but to use the knowledge to point boys in the right direction instead of simply knocking them down, with criticism, with anger and with the shouted command. It explains how this course of action can so demoralize boys that it can show up in and even blight the rest of their lives. Boys SO need love and affection, they SO want to please, but at the same time they SO need to appear that they don't! It's a conundrum which many parents are probably not even aware of. I now am, and my boys and I are already starting to reap the benefits. But the book is so much more than a manual. Just reading the many case histories made we me weep to see how easily parents had gone wrong and changed their sons' lives for the worse, for ever. Buy it, read it, read it again. Then celebrate your youngsters' energy, and enrich each others' lives. For boys, and especially teenage boys, life is a jungle. This book will guide you through it, at every stage.
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on 7 December 2012
I have not read the book from cover to cover yet, but most of it - concentrating on the bits most relevant to me/my two boys. It resonated well with my experience of boys; their emotional selves, delayed 'impulse-control', intense physicality and activity levels, slower verbal skills (as compared to most girls) and how this impacts on our understanding of boys and our relationships to them. Reading this has helped me to feel stronger in the face of old-fashioned thinking from grandparents about how boys 'should' be brought up. It has also helped my awareness of the particular challenges of early years education as experienced by boys.

Well worth reading for mothers and fathers alike. As I have never been a boy it helps to see the world from a boy's perspective; which I hope will help me support my sons to become the best men that they can be! I feel better informed about helping my sons verbalise their feelings and parenting that validates their emotional world.

It's also worth reading anything by Steve Biddulph on the subject and 'How to Listen So children will Talk... etc'

(Unfairly I only gave it four stars because it is so clearly American-centric).
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on 7 March 2013
Anyone who reads this book will recognise the behaviour of the boys and men in their lives to some extent, and for the female reader it gives a window into a world very different to our own. Should be compulsory reading for everyone over the age of 18, especially for the type of father least likely to pick this kind of book up (It may yet help them discover their own emotional literacy and in doing so transform their lives as well as those of their sons). A chink of light at the end of a very dark tunnel for some.
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on 22 May 2013
Not only am I the mother of 2 boys, but I am also a psychologist, and this book sparked my interest. I found it very easy to read, the sort of book that can be read in an afternoon. I have often reflected on many of the statements in this book, mainly in the raising of my sons.

I cannot express my love for this book; it is a must for parents of boys as it helps to understand their emotional needs. My husband and I are strong believers in showing love and affection and helping to expand the emotional language of our sons, and this book underpins that core belief.

It is enlightening and a beautiful view on how different boys are from girls and how we can see the vulnerability of males and help them to explore their own feelings.
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on 21 May 1999
This book is a valuable resource for teachers, counselors, parents and even older boys themselves. It contains interesting angles on the life of a boy, excellent insights and proactive advice on how to help our sons, students and friends.
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on 19 October 1999
Although the authors are American and the case studies quoted are all about Amercian boys growing up in an American system the basic advice given and the principles behind their conclusions remain the same the world over. As a mother of a ten year old boy with a partner who has a 17 year old boy this is just what the Doctor ordered.It has opened my eyes to the "alien" world of the boy and enlightened us both in the complex world of the adolescent. I no longer feel I am flounderig around in a vacuum as this book has made me think, made me feel "normal" and given me hope. It is also very well written, broken down into accessible subject areas and entertaining. One to keep by the bed forever.
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on 16 March 2013
if you have sons growing up-then you need to read this book-too often boys needs are completely ignored,worse still-boys are told not to cry !!??rubbish-read this now !
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on 13 July 2016
no damage . perfect condition.
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on 15 July 2016
very good book
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