Learn more Download now Shop now Shop now Shop now Shop now Shop now Shop now Learn More Shop now Learn more Shop Fire Shop Kindle Learn More Shop now Shop now Learn more

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars

on 3 July 2011
I wanted to read a book about date/acquaintance rape, because I have often wondered how it seemed to be that so many rapes were perpetrated with no evidence of non-consent, and hence little chance of a conviction. There did not seem to be very many books written about the subject, and most of those seemed targeted at helping rape survivors. This book did a good job at answering my questions. I was worried while reading the foreword that it would not be dispassionate enough, but once the chapters actually started, I was reassured that the report was fair and properly backed up by the research. It contained a lot of sad case studies. I felt very sorry for the victims and angry at the perpetrators, who all seemed to act very cynically. The statistics were surprising and depressing - about 25% of female college students having been sexually assaulted and 15% actually raped. A lot of the girls were virgins when they were raped. The book was a result of a research project in the 80s, sponsored by an American magazine called Ms. A survey was carried at a number of American universities and colleges. However, the book does not relate only to college students. There were case studies of other types of women, for instance career women and older women. The book does seem a little out of date now. This was a time before mobile phones, and maybe some attitudes would have changed since then. Also it's a pity there doesn't seem to be a similar British book on the subject.
0Comment|Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 17 October 2010
Having read this book I still prefer the book; Real Rape Real Pain: Help for Women Sexually Assaulted by Male Partners by Patricia Easteal and Louise McOrmand- Plummer.
The book I Never called it Rape is interesting, makes some very valid points and analysis what I found disappointing was that it focused on the initial few days of dating or friends and not on dating relationships which have had more time to grow and have lasted more than few dates. It has almost all victims who resisted and who's rapists physically overpowered them. This to me still follows the stereotypes that even when date rape is acknowledged the victim must have shown resistance and with a few dates he is not a total stranger yet still not someone known to the victim as much as rape in date relationships where they have had time to get to know partners more intimately. It doesn't therefore look more closely at long term dating and rape through coercion and manipulation and where the victim may have submitted and not fought back which Real Rape Real Pain does. It had a few lines mentioning it but that was all, no actual examples. Also most of all the case studies are based on penetrative sex.
The book is informative I just think that Real Rape Real Pain covers broader areas and caters for rapes in a relationship of all kinds not dismissing the one's more subtle and covert. I never called it Rape was written before and like I said the statistics are educational and you can learn things from it but if you where in a long term relationship or submitted rather than consented or where manipulated and coerced therefore you didn't 'fight' back but reacted passively you will find little to valid your experience as rape which is looked at in greater depth in the book Real Rape Real Pain. Also most of the women in this book were 'virgins' and assaults happened in Universities whilst again Real Rape Real Pain caters for victims of all kinds and abuse experienced in more than one place. The victims have more diversity and there is a section of the different kinds of rape and rapists.
0Comment| 3 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 10 April 2012
I bought this book years ago. It was one of the first books I ever read on this subject matter. It was during my time when I was trying to understand what had happened to me. From a small UK village, I was raised with myths and set ideals, so this information was not readily available to me. I found this book integral to my healing.

It is American, so there's terminology and cultures that are not easily related to in the UK. It would be great if there was a book like this targeted at UK readers. I found it informative, compelling and reassuring.

I would higly recommend it to younger readers (17+). I would urge the reader to seek some form of counselling if this subject had not been addressed before. As it will trigger some fairly complex and profound reactions.

I did pass it on to another woman who had experience of partner rape, but perhaps nowaways there are more specific books for that subject matter (see Real Rape, Real Pain.)

Having read it some time ago, now being in my 30s, I would probably seek out a book more current with my peers. As being able to relate is hugely part of the process.

For readers in their late teens and 20s, I would recommend this book to survivors and to the more curious who are keen to understand this topic better.
0Comment| One person found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 29 January 2011
This book is a real eye-opener which helps to rid the stereotypical view of rape. The book looks at different rape cases and how the rape victim sometimes failed to realise it was rape due to the stereotypical version of rape that society has created. This book will help women who have been through similar accounts realise that it is not their fault and help to rid the rape stereotype.
0Comment|Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 11 May 2015
She uses the word aqaintance rape where I would call it rape by a youth, or rape by a boyfriend at age 16 and so on. I am still reading this book. She writes about laws which is very good but again that the perpetrators where victims, yet she tried to write about the actual rape victims?
0Comment|Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 6 July 2013
This book is incredibly interesting, and it a must-read for anyone interested in the field of sexual abuse, or even anyone who has experienced this kind of thing themselves. A lot of today's statistics on sexual assaults against women are taken from this book, and the testimonies from survivors do really help to understand this phenomenon.
0Comment| One person found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 19 January 2013
A good book for anyone trying to understand the horrors and complexities of Acquaintance Rape which is actually the majority of rapes. Good definitions and helpful advice.
0Comment| One person found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 10 December 2000
When I bought this book I really didn't know if I'd be able to read it all, but in fact I couldn't put it down! Some of the statistics quoted in this book are incredible and the stories from survivors heart-wrenching. Before I read this I really thought what happened to me was a one in a million thing, but now I realise, sadly, I'm one of far too many. It made me realise the significance of things/signals I hadn't even thought about at the time and in retrospect wish I had. I would like to commend the author on all the work she has put into this book. I feel like sending a copy to all the people who wouldn't believe me and even had me doubting myself. This book really will open your eyes to the reality of society today.
0Comment| 19 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 23 September 1997
As a survivor of sexual assault, this book was a Godsend while I was emotionally prepairing for my university judicial hearing as well as my show-cause hearing in district.
As a survivor herself, Ms.Warshaw must have known the importance of including the stories of other survivors in her book. It was by reading about people like my self and other survivors can comprehend what we might go through and that we are not alone. However, there are still some people who decided that they wanted to try and disprove the point that rape and sexual assault hurts women in ways that people who have not survived a sexual assault could possabily understand. In this new addition, Ms. Warshaw puts her detractors(and they KNOW who they are)to shame by not only providing an awesome counter argument, but by using Real Facts obtained in a Scientific Study. These are some of the things that her detractors did not do.
0Comment| 13 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 21 May 1999
This book was an essential part of my early recovery process. As a survivor of relationship violence and rape in my adolescence, I never knew how to characterize it, what to call it. As a teenager, the "R" word seemed to be too imposing -- but the actual experiences were far more imposing than the language; indeed, the language and the naming of the unspeakable experience made it possible to finally confront it. Like Herman's "Trauma and Recovery," this book presented examples which helped me to understand that I was not alone in this process, nor was I losing my mind. My own responses of self-blame, depression, and anger could be understood in terms of my coping with the assault. I wish that we lived in a world where there would be no need for such a report as Ms. Warshaw's; given that we don't, I am very thankful for it.
0Comment| 12 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse