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Customer Review

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 30 March 2021
Thanks to the lockdown, I've started to look a bit like Buddha, so I thought I should try dressing a bit more like him - job done with these pants, proper sorted.
Now, the slightly more enlightened among you (or better informed at least) will point out that this is more of a Persian look than East Asian, and also that the fat jolly character commonly mistaken for Buddha was actually a semi-historical chinese monk by the name of 'Budai' and while an obviously illuminated sort of fellow, well Zen, and venerated by some as a future buddha (Maitreya), he's not actually *the* Buddha per se. Those poor souls starved to death as often as not, and if weren't for their endlessly tolerant and compassionate natures, would be quite entitled to feel a bit miffed about their global public image being so inextricably tied to the image of that happily obese chappie all this time.
Anyway, these pants . . . After a year stuck indoors in jammie bottoms I felt like I really needed a change, and these are definitely it. I've always been fond of those loose eastern hippy style pants, but the patchwork cotton cargo style ones I would buy at patchouli scented festivals stalls seldom lasted more than a few months. These on the other hand are a hemp cotton mix, and while still lightweight and soft, are a little bit more rugged, and feel like they'll be able to survive more wear and tear. The fact that the crotch hangs below knee level means that not only will there be less stress on the material from sitting and moving, but my dangly bits will be almost as well aired and comfortable in them as they are while wearing my kilt, and these are both Good Things. There's also enough space in there to discreetly hide a few fairly sizeable items if you favour the 'five finger discount' method of shopping (but it wasn't me that told you that, ok?).
They look like, well, are you old enough to remember MC Hammer? I wish I wasn't to be honest, and if you are too, you'll quite likely have "Can't Touch This" as an earworm for the rest of the day. I am truly sorry for that. These are pretty much what were called 'parachute pants' when the aforementioned bonkers christian rapper wore them in that video, back in nineteen oatcake.
Can *you* carry off this look? But really though? OF COURSE YOU CAN! Just brass it out - keep an air of aloof detachment in your facial expression and a swagger in your step, and if anyone takes the mick, just smile graciously and tell them "can't touch this", and keep walking. Like a boss.
Top tip - if you can actually walk in these while being followed by an actual harem, you will find it that much easier a look to wear with conviction.
Always remember kids, do not attempt to become Buddha - and if you meet him on the road? Kill him.
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