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Reviews Written by
The Movie Guy "Movies from A to Z" (United States)

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Jurassic Monster
Jurassic Monster
Offered by nagiry
Price: £14.14

1.0 out of 5 stars THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME ALL THIS FILM STUFF., 8 Dec. 2016
This review is from: Jurassic Monster (DVD)
A group of college kids on spring break take a trip to an island and crashes...T-Rex and raptors. The film is being watched later by 2 Navy Seals on the same island who attempt some MST-3000 humor but fail miserably.

The first 30 minutes or so is spring break activities with girls grinding in bikinis and doing upside down splits on a stripper pole...followed by the worst filmed sex scene by design...at least have the guy curl his toes during climax if that is all we see. We already know the ending...and plot spoiler (?) when a character becomes annoying they die,..sort of like sex was a prelude to death in early slasher films. Acting was fairly sorry too.

Guide: F-word. Sex scene of a foot. Girls in bikinis.


President Down [DVD]
President Down [DVD]
Dvd ~ Tom Kiesche
Price: £15.99

3.0 out of 5 stars I JUST ENJOY KILLING, 7 Dec. 2016
This review is from: President Down [DVD] (DVD)
This is a re-title and re-release of W.M.D.

If you watch the preview, you have the entire plot. Three Army Rangers kidnap President Bush (John Posey 2007 Iraq) and hold up in a kitchen where they interrogate him about the war and the real reason why we are over there. The film spoofs the major TV news networks rather nicely at the end of the film. It seems ANN or Al Jazeera had it right.

The film serves up dark comedy and cheese with its anti-war or anti-Iraq invasion. I thought the interrogation and answers they sought and got was poorly scripted weakening the theme to a point to where I was believing this was a pro war film spoofing the left...which it could have been.

I found the news network spoofs entertaining and the rest of the film mildly entertaining. Low budget. This is not a war film but a political statement for the left...I think.

Guide: F-bomb. No sex or nudity. A little torture or enhanced interrogation techniques depending whether or not your last name is Cheney or not.


Hidden in the Woods
Hidden in the Woods
Offered by RAREWAVES USA
Price: £9.12

2.0 out of 5 stars NO ONE STEALS FROM ME, 7 Dec. 2016
This review is from: Hidden in the Woods (DVD)
This review is for the US remake of the Chilean film.

Dad (Michael Biehn) deals drugs, mom is dead. Dad sire son from oldest daughter Ana (Jeannine Kaspar) who they keep locked up, but seems normal. Anny (Electra Avellan) is the younger daughter and excuse me if I have them confused. Dad winds up in prison and the girls hide out in a shack, used by their dad. They actually don't make it to any woods until there is 16 minutes left in the film and it doesn't last long. Uncle Costello (William Forsythe) sends his goons to find the girls and the drugs.

This felt like an abduction film. They didn't build the girl's character enough to make you feel for them, as if Director Patricio Valladares was simply using them like the Johns in the film. Some good performances, but the plot seemed weak.

Guide: F-word, rape, sex, brief nudity?

Note to self: If you are sitting on 30 kilos, don't teach your kids 911.


True Love Ways (FSK 18 Jahre) DVD
True Love Ways (FSK 18 Jahre) DVD
Dvd ~ Anna Hausburg
Offered by momox co uk
Price: £9.13

4.0 out of 5 stars DEAD EYES, 6 Dec. 2016
Severine (Anna Hausburg) is moody and has weird dreams. She wants some "me" time away from her boyfriend Tom (Kai Michael Müller). Tom goes to the bar and laments his woes to any stranger who will listen and one does. He will kidnap Severine and Tom will rescue her. When her car runs out of gas, this puts a kink into the plan and midpoint plot spoiler...the guys make rape/snuff films and need a pretty female lead for a role of a lifetime. Severine uses the hatchet she is pictured with on the cover to do some editing.

The film is cultish, filmed in black and white, steeped with odd scenes, I thought I was watching Ingmar Berman making a film combining "I Spit on Your Grave" and "The Story of O" a German version of acid horror. I wish they had colorized the red blood, like on the DVD cover. I don't know why I gave the film 4 stars anymore than if I had given it 1 star. I am still trying to work the scenes out in my head. It could be genius or just crap.

Guide: F-word. Rape. Butt nudity.


MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS
MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS
Offered by Newtownvideo_EU
Price: £12.45

3.0 out of 5 stars SHE IS NOT MY AUNT, 6 Dec. 2016
This review is from: MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS (DVD)
This is a story of the relationships of five mothers and daughters that are not perfect. They all live in the same apartment building and this is similar to the semi-anthology films that take the names of holidays and try to come across as something clever and with a heart warming message. This film is no different.

Rigby (Selma Blair) is a photographer who loves black and white so it always looks artsy. We don't see much of her mother. Georgina (Mira Sorvino) is a bra designer. Gayle (Eva Amurri Martino) left her parents to help her man Kevin ( Paul Wesley) follow his dream. Layla (Alexandra Daniels) is a designer who wants to do things on her own and not take a handout from her mum (Sharon Stone). And Rebecca (Christina Ricci) well....her relationship to her mother is just so messed, it is not believable, although I am sure someone will tell me it happened to them.

The problem with the film is that it tries too hard to create feel good situations by creating faux drama, it felt forced. We never get attached to the characters long enough to feel anything with them.


Goat
Goat
Dvd
Price: £4.45

2.0 out of 5 stars THOSE TOWNIES CAN BE REAL TOUGH, 6 Dec. 2016
This review is from: Goat (Amazon Video)
The Amazon plot is as follows: "After being assaulted, Brad Land (Ben Schnetzer) starts college ready to move on. His brother, Brett (Nick Jonas), is in a frat that Brad wants to join. Brett has concerns. While pledging, each new humiliating event threatens to destroy their relationship."

The film is about the brother's relationship. Theme: Real brother, good. Frat brother, bad. Home is where the hurt is.

Brett help Brad get closure. I felt I missed the whole point of the film as it ended without giving me any real closure, leaving me hanging out in a field of nightmares. Supposed inspired by real events, i.e. hazing still goes on, even though everyone and their mum have rules against it. The goat was apparently a symbol or metaphor for ummm for ummm something I missed. Oh evil doers perhaps. Yeah, yeah, that's it a symbol for evil doers.

Guide: F-word, sex, nudity.


The Late Bloomer
The Late Bloomer
Dvd
Price: £0.99

2.0 out of 5 stars CHANNEL YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY, 6 Dec. 2016
This review is from: The Late Bloomer (Amazon Video)
Pete Newmans (Johnny Simmons) has a clever name for the film. He is a successful psychologist/ sex therapist/ author who doesn't have sex. We discover the reason why is he hasn't gone through puberty. His condition is cured and he transforms all at once, as we see a grown man act like a teen. He has a thing for Michelle (Brittany Snow) the girl next door, but suddenly has hormone problems and says things like a jealous teen.

I didn't find the film very amusing. It is a low impact teen sex comedy. Good support cast.


Sacrifice [DVD]
Sacrifice [DVD]
Dvd ~ Radha Mitchell
Price: £16.70

2.0 out of 5 stars KUNAL TROWS, 5 Dec. 2016
This review is from: Sacrifice [DVD] (DVD)
Dr. Tora Hamilton (Radha Mitchell) has another miscarriage while working in a hospital. Her rich husband Duncan (Rupert Graves) takes her away to live on an island where she can work again. When her cow dies, she climbs into a small steam shovel and excavates a deep hole only to discover a dead body. The body was apparently killed due to a ritual and she decides to conduct her own investigation getting people killed around her.

Having seen two versions of "The Wicker Man" and "Harvest Home" with Bette Davis, I found this film about local cult rituals to be a let down. Who buries a cow? Aren't they either butchered or incinerated? The film is more of a drama/thriller than horror. The quality was on par with a made-for-TV film, in fact I thought this was a TV movie.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity.


Blood Brothers [DVD]
Blood Brothers [DVD]
Dvd ~ Graham Denman
Price: £12.99

4.0 out of 5 stars HE'S GOT THE LOOK, 5 Dec. 2016
This review is from: Blood Brothers [DVD] (DVD)
This review is for the Graham Denman film and not any other "Blood Brothers" film. Amazon lumps them together.

Charles (Graham Denman) and Thomas (Jon Kondelik) are half brothers who think themselves smart and clever. Their goal is to kill a woman...first in a series, for "The Divine Tragedy of Life" but they don't want one that has the "smell of impurity." Thomas is the older brother and appears to be the leader or dominate one. Charles tends for his mother (Barbara Crampton). She is her favorite and warns Charles about Thomas. Then the movie has a wicked twist and some dark comedy moments that made me laugh.

Ken Foree plays Psychic Detective Homer Gaul who "should have saw that coming." The film opens with a scene lifted from "Trading Places" to show how clever the brothers really are. They should of had two such scenes before they jumped into the meat of the film.

This film is not for everyone, if fact I was bored until the last half hour or so. It is cultish and dark.

Guide: F-word. Sex and nudity.


Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them DVD [2016]
Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them DVD [2016]
Dvd ~ Eddie Redmayne
Price: £9.99

5.0 out of 5 stars WORRYING MEANS YOU SUFFER TWICE., 5 Dec. 2016
This is the first film of what is anticipated to be a multiple part film series (at least 5 films). It takes place in NYC circa 1926. Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is in NYC from Britain. He is a collector of "fantastic beasts" and is attempting to keep them from extinction and use said creatures to instruct wizards about them. While in NYC he runs into difficulty and finds himself at odds with an Obscurial (a young powerful wizard who use the dark force) and Mr. Graves (Colin Farrell). He allies himself with Tina (Katherine Waterston) clearly a future love interest, Queenie (Alison Sudol) a mind reader who oozes with Luna Lovegood simplicity and a likeable human (Dan Fogler).

There are a few things to note, one is the differences in culture and slang between the US and English wizards. The names lack the astrological significance as the Potter series. The magic words also appear crude and unlike English words made to sound Latin. There is a single reference to Transfiguration Professor Albus Dumbledore. He was famous for his defeat of Gellert Grindelwald. This is part of the background for the film.

On the surface, the film appears to have let loose the special effects people and then create a film around it. Newt Scamander starts off s a low key character devoid of the personality normally associated with Rowling's characters. All this should change with the next film.


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