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Haunted Nostril "TaT" (UK)

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Bubble Bobble - Master System
Bubble Bobble - Master System

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars BUBBLE BLOWING BRILLIANCE, 15 Jun. 2009
Ain't it always the same - a boy and a girl, and another boy and a girl are having fun in the wood when a deranged witch snatches the girls and turns the boys into bubble dragons! Bit of a kick in the pants for the boys, but hey now they are wicked cool dragons and have the awesome might of...well...bubbles to help them rescue their beloved lady friends. So can they drag their scale, washing up liquid drinking, hides through cave after cave of monsters, wind up robots and rock throwers in a bid to get back the loves of their tiny lives? Or will they be slapped daft by the subterranean denizens and send screaming to the password screen? Only you can decide!
It's a classic and if you ain't already encountered Bubblen and Bobblen (Bub & Bob for short) in this particular game then you're sure to have seen them in one of their many cameos in other Taito titles. The aim of the game is to jump around self contained environments, that the booklet calls caves but for most part they look like multicoloured acid trips and bear little resemblance to their real world rocky counterparts, while legging it around said environs you will have to dodge and blast enemies with your bubble power and then burst the bubbles they are contained in to get to the juicy goodies inside and move onto the next cave. The more bubbles you manage to burst in a chain the higher your points will be and the better the delectables that burst forth.

In addition to your own bubbles there are various other bubbles that float around certain levels that contain water, and thunder, and other doom bringing elements, and if you burst these nearby enemies will be washed away in a flurry of seething torment! Joy!

There are tons of secret bonuses to be had and not only can you encapsulate the enemies in bubbles and burst them but you can also ride your bubbles for a time to either get out of dodge or get to some glimmering prize that may be out of your reach. Oh also one other thing I forgot to mention is that if you are close enough to an enemy when you blow a bubble you will bite them, but this is a risky business and not usually worth the pay off as you'll want to be going for those all important combos.

When you've cleared a certain amount of levels you'll get a password and also you'll have to face a boss or two. Most of these bosses are large, king, like versions of their tiny brethren that infest the massive amount of levels that are on offer. All in all it's a challenging ride but one so addictive and fun you'll be glad you bought the ticket. In addition to all this two player only adds to the fun and longevity of the whole glorious, retro-classic, package.
Bright, colourful, functional and nearly a spot on little clone of it's big arcade brother. A lot of people claim that not only game play wise but graphically this is one of the closest conversions of the original and I would have to agree. A mighty fine job has been done all round and it all moves at a slick pace. Great job!
The sounds effects are bleepy boppy affairs, but the music goes a little like this - Step One 'Ooh this is nice and cheery' - Step Two - 'Dear God, I'm humming that tune in my sleep!' - Step Three - 'Sweet vampiric zebra's that music is annoying as hell, I never it again as long as I live.' Soon enough I was listening to the Misfits on my MP3 player and getting along with the game just fine again, ah sweet technology.
Tight as a manager's wallet and smooth as a creamy vanilla slice. Near as perfect as perfection can get!
It's immense (and I do mean immense) there are so many levels it'll destroy your thumbs before it's through and you've seen all it's endings - then their is two player - then theirs score beating and then you'll probably pick it up for a blast every now and again just because it's so damn playable. Well worth your time, pennies and thumb muscle power!
It's a classic for a reason, and it ain't one of those 'cult' classics where only freaks think it's great when in reality it's a steaming pile of bum-nuts, this is the real thing and with a near perfect conversion and tight controls beyond belief this is one to grab, hold onto, and never let go of. A shining diamond in the pantheon of SMS games. So there.

Tazmania f - Master System - PAL
Tazmania f - Master System - PAL

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars SHORT, EASY BUT NOT AN ALL ROUND BAD EGG, 13 Jun. 2009
Guide Taz, the greedy, slobbering, little freak, through six simple stages of spear lobbing mice, bombs, Taz-munching plants and the odd tasty turkey till you reach the giant bird egg, which you fully intend on necking down your fat, fuzzy, throat. That's about it really - sure it sounds a little off but read on to find out if this eggy adventure is all it's cracked up to be (sorry)...

This is platform territory folks, and also the main genre I play retro games for, so it's run jump and fight your way to some bosses and finally work your way to your ultimate goal. `But what makes this one different from the gamut of ledge jumpers?' I hear your cry, well for starters Taz can spin attack his enemies and also utilise said spin ability to launch himself to more precarious perches throughout the six worlds. This works quite well and can be used to perform more precise jumps than you would imagine. However you won't just be using your spin jump to launch yourself headlong into danger, no, because Taz is a greedy little sausage and will eat anything in his path, including bombs - unless you spin them into oblivion before he has a chance to scoff them that is, and as this can be a precision job it makes the matted little flea bag more than slightly annoying at times, much like anyone who has a Taz tattoo. All in all though these are all moot points as Tazmania is so ludicrously easy even ingesting a couple of high grade explosives won't stop you from blitzing it in just over an hour (on your first play through) before popping it back onto your shelf amongst it's more challenging brethren for a good mocking.

Fairly basic but colourful and bold enough on the graphics front, but without being too garish. I actually looked at a few clips of the show before writing this jazz and it's also a fair mirroring of that whole shebang also. Nothing to write home about but nothing to wet your knickers over either.

Sound & Music
Plinky little platform tunes that don't grate too much and fit nicely with, decent, if minimal, sound effects.

Sharp controls make precision jumping simple and attacking responsive - this coupled with pixel perfect collision detection and your up for a winner in the controls dept.

Replay Value
Here we have the grand failing of Tazmania: it is far, far, far too easy, and although there are a decent amount of little secrets they only add up to a bunch of lives and energy you really won't need to thrash the hell out of the entire experience, and soon enough you'll be releaving yourself on it's early grave.

Not a terrible game but not a great use of even such a mediocre liscense either. Taz could have used a little more umph in nearly every department, except it's controls which are decent enough, and if that would have a happened we'd have surely been onto a Castle of Illusion/ Deep Duck Trouble-style winner. When all is said and done it's worth the one play through but won't inspire you to invest any more of your precious gaming hours.

Dracula - Master System - PAL
Dracula - Master System - PAL

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars BLOODY GOOD FUN!, 13 Jun. 2009
Apart from the absolutely wooden, nay - solid oak, acting skills of Keanu Reeves I love the Francis Ford Coppola-directed Bram Stoker's Dracula, a fair adaptation of one of my fave books, so naturally I was dying to get a hold of it's blood drenched, pixelated, counterpart for my favourite 8-bit system of joy. So did it suck, or cook?

Yes folks it's platform country, and Transylvania, and you're in control of the mighty Johnathan Harker. Actually I'd rather be in control of the main man Van Helsing if i'm honest but games of this era are usually a loose adaptation and this is no acception. However, we shan't dwell on that 'cause it was a staple for the time to mess up story and continuity

Suffice to say the atmosphere is full on creepy castles and spooky happenings all wrapped up in a ball of seething undead. You jump from platform to platform slinging various picked up weapons, collecting this and that in a general bid to kick Dracula's stagnant, pallid, nads clean off. There are plenty of secret areas dotted about and some inventive levels, that of course must have been in the unreleased directors cut of the film and the first, binned, draught of the book, and all of these locals and environments are filled with spikes, pitfalls and bat infested nooks and crannies...much like some relationships I've been in. Also there's some inventive bosses thrown in for good measure that I won't ruin, but you'll be learning some patterns and gritting your teeth more than once or twice at the end of the spooky levels.

Some nifty looking stuff to offer here, amongst the fetid earth, burning torches and walking dead there are some nice bold graphics going on. Full of atmosphere and well animated creepy monsters for Johnny boy to dodge and axe to bits in his own equally well animated manner. Yes.

Sound & Music
Ranging from epic, to creepy, to meh. Nothing unbelievable, but fitting enough.

They're responsive enough but there's something overly loose about the whole thing that until you get used to it will have you getting a bit wound up at times. It's not that the controls don't actually work it's just that the game feels a little...slippery.

Replay Value
You won't crack it on your first go but it won't beffudle you for too long. Wether or not you come back to it depends on how much you dig the loose fitting subject matter, creepy critters and a decent platforming romp. I'll certainly be playing it through again but not for a little while.

For a game I only paid a pound for I was rather pleased with Bram Stoker's Dracula, don't get me wrong, it's not a total winner but it beats the socks off Wolfchild and a good few other run-and-jumpers that the system has to offer. Give it a go, it won't change your opinion of games or even platformers, but you'll have a decent enough blast with it.

Captain Silver - Master System
Captain Silver - Master System

5.0 out of 5 stars SWASHBUCKLING BRILLIANCE!!!, 3 Jun. 2009
Grab your blade and don some pantaloons and prepare to shiver some timbers...or something like that. You'll take the control of young Jim, a spritely young gadabout who loves nothing more than to do battle with witches, lion headed freaks and even the odd fountain! So let's dodge the NTSC version on our way to pure righteous playability in the form of Captain Silver.
I just realised that I may have ruined the entire point of the review with my last sentence up there in the Intro box, but then again no - after all I have to explain my sheer excitement over one of my favourite master system titles of all time. But don't get me wrong here it's not without its share of problems, and as with most good reviews I won't let my absolute love of the game cloud my judgment over what got in the way of making it absolutely perfect.
As for the gameplay what we've got is a scrolling slash 'em up with various pattern following enemies who leave fat monies and power-ups behind. Each level is punctuated by shops and bosses and that's about the top and bottom of it, but it's all just so sublimely put together and sharp as a tack that it'll have you smiling and breathing sighs of relief as you conquer the pixel perfect jumps and various nasties.
The only minor downside to all of this is that some of the silliest things can kill you - fountains, really? FOUNTAINS! sheesh.
Big, bold, colourful and filled with atmosphere. Nothing clashes and everything runs smoothly (for most part - there are the odd obligatory flickery moments but only enough to be mentioned in brackets.) On the downside the animation isn't the greatest I've ever seen but it works well enough to be perfectly functional. However another upshot is all the sprites (particularly the bosses) are really detailed and some of the backdrops are nearing the best looking on the system.
Great music, a truly top notch use of the systems audio functionality. Catchy pirate flavoured tunes that practically reek of rum and parrot plop.....but in a good way.
Perfect - simply great. Intuitive and tight.
If you're playing the NTSC version you're going to be missing a lot of the harder parts of the game, but also some of the best parts. So let's just say you're playing the far superior PAL version and that you're going to slip into this with initial ease then `BAM!' you're hooked as it rips you a new one and you will enjoy every second of it.
A great adventure in every way - I can't really add any more to that sentiment. It may be running a little on the rare side now but its a simple concept pulled off with swashbuckling style that every SMS owner should get hold of!

Dark Water [2003] [DVD]
Dark Water [2003] [DVD]
Dvd ~ Hitomi Kuroki
Offered by ReNew Entertainment
Price: £3.49

2 of 7 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars NOWHERE NEAR AS GOOD AS IT'S MADE OUT TO BE..., 25 May 2009
This review is from: Dark Water [2003] [DVD] (DVD)
I'd normally be more constructive than I'm about to be but I have just wasted over an hour and a half of my life on what has to be the most overrated film since the hideously hideous piano. Perhaps I've been spoiled this last week as I've been treated to A Tale of Two Sisters and Shutter (original of course) and I thought after reading the glowing reviews of this gallon of heaving cack I'd be up for the hat-trick, but this was just pathetic - let me count the ways:
- Mediocre direction.
- Predictable 'scares'.
- Drawn out plot that felt like a strung out short story.
- Standard acting.
- Cruddy, over the top, intrusive, music at certain points (you'll hear it if you choose to put yourself through this stench of a movie).

Look, I understand there are a lot of fans of Asian horror out there (me included)but there has to be a line drawn in the sand: not every film that comes out of Japan is a genius fuelled classic and/or filled with metaphor and deeper meaning as this drudging, repetative, bore-fest clearly points out. If you want scares look elsewhere (preferably one of the above mentioned movies) but if you enjoy being bored to tears and then disappointed in quick succession: watch this bad boy, it'll blow your tiny mind.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Feb 21, 2010 8:13 PM GMT

Cold Prey [DVD]
Cold Prey [DVD]
Dvd ~ Ingrid Bolso Berdal
Price: £14.29

2 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars WELL TRODDEN GROUND BUT WORTH THE WALK., 13 May 2009
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Cold Prey [DVD] (DVD)
Here's a quick, down and dirty, review for anyone thinking of watching or purchasing Cold Prey

- Well shot and extremely atmospheric.
- Some good acting on display from a group of actors who I'm just going to take for granted are not too well heard of or first timers.
- Suitably jumpy and tense without ramping up the gore to ludicrous levels.
- Decent musical score and although I haven't heard of all the music contained within before it all works well. The last track as the credits roll I had heard before and it's very fitting to say the least!
- The characters don't do too much dumb stuff.
- The characters, well most of them, aren't too annoying either which is a bonus.
- The script is decent and has an authentic air to it that adds to the tension nicely.
- The DVD has some great thumpy sound - a treat for surround sound owners.

- It's typical territory but as mentioned above its done well, although after so many predecessors in the genre providing a blue print for what to do and not to do that's an achievement that's sort of loosing its wow factor.
- The killer isn't awfully inventive, but then again do they need to be?
- You can see the story coming a mile off, no big pat on the back for guessing what's going to happen in this bad boy.
- There is one guy, with the black hair, who emotes about as convincingly as Arnold Shwarzenegger - he doesn't drag things down too badly but it's a bit grating trying to watch him muster up a tear.
- That girl, Janneka, sounds like a kicked pig when she screams.

If you've seen your fair share of slashers then this one isn't going to show you anything new and if you're a gore hound then your not exactly going to be donning your cagoule if you catch my drift, however if you want to see a solid horror film with good atmosphere and enough jump scares and tension to get your heart thumping then they don't come more perfect than this. Well shot, decently scripted and solidly played I have to say I enjoyed this immensely and I am looking forward to watching part 2 very soon!

Japanese Ghosts and Demons: Art of the Supernatural
Japanese Ghosts and Demons: Art of the Supernatural
by Stephen Addiss
Edition: Paperback

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars VENGEFUL GHOSTS AND PARADING GOBLINS....., 13 May 2009
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
I have always been attracted to the anything mysterious and eerie, be it ghost stories, folklore or fortean phenomenon, that is not to say I believe in every (or any) psychic with a ludicrous frosted bouffant that pops on the TV, or that I fall for every story involving the hugely unlikely bigfoot or nessie: there is a big difference between a strong interest and belief. But of all the cultures in the world, for me at least, Japan has one of the most interesting and unique systems of supernatural lore known to man, and nowhere is this better represented than in the hands of their phenomenal artists: so it's lucky that they are one of the main focuses of this rather nifty little tome. I have read this book over and over perhaps having a strong interest in art, I am a graphic designer by trade, makes this book doubly appealing to my sensibilities but there is no denying this is incredibly well written, informative and packed with gorgeous reproductions of many woodblock prints (Ukiyo-e) and numerous images of carvings, paintings and sculptures. However for those interested solely in Japanese supernatural lore don't dismiss this as being simply an arty bore-fest, for within its pages lies one of the most comprehensive explanations of many facets of Japanese mythology starting with Hyakki Yako (night parade of One Hundred Demons) before moving on to ghosts, gods, Oni (Japanese Demons) and right through to animal transformation and Tengu. Each chapter is filled with numerous colour and black and white period illustrations, and the symbolism of each is explained fully thus creating a fascinating insight into the mindset of the nation that produced such a colourful menagerie of goblins, ghost and other otherworldly horrors. If you can't tell already I loved every page of this book and fully recommend it to anyone and everyone, not just those with an interest in the subject matter.

Transporter 3 [DVD]
Transporter 3 [DVD]
Dvd ~ Jason Statham
Offered by NetsavesUK
Price: £2.25

4 of 8 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars I'VE HAD BREAK UPS I'VE ENJOYED MORE THAN THIS..., 27 April 2009
This review is from: Transporter 3 [DVD] (DVD)
I'll make this review really short as I can as I don't feel I need to spend a huge amount of time explaining this one or justifying my opinions on it - if you don't like my review fair enough, but before you get all puffed up about it just remember that this film is not worth getting worked up about and is not a classic in any sense of the word so you'll just make yourself look like a silly Billy.

- The fight scenes are suitably adrenaline fuelled and feature some nifty little manoeuvres from good ole Jason.
- Statham's character is still intact and remains as likeable as ever - I just wish he'd loose the accent a bit, if the yanks don't like it they can put the subtitles on as far as I'm concerned.
- The bad guy does a good enough job of making you want to bust his face in.

- The female lead is the most annoying character I have witnessed in a long, long time: she is about as good as a love interest as she is an actress, in other words not at all, not even a little bit. I'd have drove off without her and let the bracelet (you'll understand when you see it) do the rest of the heavy lifting. Absolute vomit tackle - I'll bet she was having relations with the director or a producer...or all of them judging by how truly hideous she is.
- While we're on the subject of love interests: the love story was pathetic - action films, for most part, are not noted for their use of nowse in the plot department but they dropped this particular ball right in a pile of dog crap.
- It's been said a million times since the first in the transporter series (and particularly in `The One') but Jason Stathom is a cockney and he wears an American accent about as well as he would wear a tutu (although I'm sure there's some sick freaks out there who would love to see that). I'm sure the general American populous is fairly flexible and would understand him as we do them, hence the popularity of Crank and Crank 2, but for some reason some foolish swines would rather have him spewing out the most unconvincing drivel since Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins. It just makes me want to crawl out of my skin and shrivel up in the sun. In the first two it was just bearable because they where quite good, this is dump and so it's just another nail in the coffin.
- All of the action, even the good bits, has this really choppy sort of sped up effect to it and they make everything look a bit Benny Hill in my opinion. We have seen that Statham can do what's required of him to be a top action star so why all the choppy messed up editing which makes every stunt (car based or otherwise) look like a total joke. Pap! Not to mention it did my eyes in a bit, basically everyone who worked on this film needs a good trouncing.
- The reviews on the front cover where obviously written on the receiving end of a back hander, or the reviewers quite simply have no taste, or perhaps they're just mentally defective. I'd never trust a review from Nuts or Zoo anyway but there are some people on here I'm shocked would put up with this kind of nad boiling ineptitude. Conclusion: Never trust reviews - I should have learned that after watching `The Piano' - sweet lord it was chid.

As bad as it gets and a bit worse in the form of a whiney love interest and brain haemorrhage inducing editing. The only way this could have been any worse is if Luc Besson came round to my house and blocked my toilet with cake while Jason Statham kneed me in the ear over and over and over again. Stay away - you have been warned.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 8, 2009 6:04 PM BST


2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars BRINGS THE GOODS - BUT NOT THE GREATS..., 27 April 2009
This review is from: Dominator (Audio CD)
I'm so happy that Blackie hasn't copped out and hung up his saw blades because a new W.A.S.P. release for me is always an exciting prospect and something I can rely on in one way or another. Now W.A.S.P. has built up quite the catalogue since 82 and as much as it hurts me as a fan to say it not all releases have been of, shall we say, the finest quality. If you too are a fan you know which you constantly rock out to and the ones that are gathering dust in your rack, but to a new comer such an immense body of work can be quite daunting, and it's a task to pluck out the finest of the bunch. Hopefully the actual fan reviews on here will help in some way but, with these points in mind, there's no sense in burying our heads in the sand and telling people that everything W.A.S.P. produces is solid gold or we'd be doing them both them and the band a disservice. So what's the score with their latest outing into the hard rock arena? Is it a true knock out or a one round embarrassment? Well I hope this little pros and cons list will help you better decide if this is the fix you've been waiting for...

- It's all well produced enough.
- Blackie's voice is as recognisably gravelly and awesome as ever, and at times a lot more emotional and brooding than usual (if that's possible) but...(see first point in `THE SNAPPED STRINGS' list.)
- There are a couple of tracks on here that'll sit comfortably in your best of W.A.S.P. playlists quite nicely. Mercy, Take Me Up, Burning Man and Heaven's Hung In Black are my personal faves.
- Some fantastic guitar work backed up with some interesting (subtly used) synths and solid drumming.
- The slower more melodic tracks work particularly well on this release and seem more prominent that on most previous efforts. This offers a nice selection of tempos and moods to a relatively short album.

- Call me a sucker for the old school but I love it when Blackie blast out a true high pitched metal scream but this is something which, strangely, seems missing from this release. There is a point half way through `The Burning Man' which seems perfectly built up for this exact purpose but it just kicks back into the main chorus which took some of the edge off an awesome track - it could have been absolutely perfect but as it stands it's still fantastic track. Also in Heaven's Blessed we get a few `woo's!' but it feels like they took the place of some proper screamers (maybe this is just me and I know it's niggling but there it is).
- I completely agree with `S.Kumar' when he says the latter part of the album isn't as strong as the first, and with an album this short it needed nothing but skull crushers all the way but it's just not the case.
- The production is decent and most elements are represented decently enough, but for me it could have all been a bit chunkier, bassier and deeper sounding. It's good but something missing (not just Blackie's proper high pitch wails).
- Again: it's short. Perhaps as fans we will always want more but I will say this, I prefer albums to be short and good rather than long and packed with fillers, it's just that, as I and others have said before, the latter part of the album feels a touch filled out. Perhaps Blackie needed a new car or something, we'll never know, but I feel a bit more time writing could have made this a true winner.

This isn't the perfect W.A.S.P. album by any means but it still constantly blows me away that they can pack in some classics even after so long. Blackie has obviously got some wicked inspiration going on to keep it rolling for so long and this is an admirable job. It's not a long album, it's not their best album but gets the job done in more than a few spots and has sated me till the next release, which will hopefully sit side by side with my faves - as it goes this is in my back-up pile.

Dying for the World
Dying for the World
Price: £8.67

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars ENOUGH POWER TO FRY YOUR SPEAKERS!, 27 April 2009
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Dying for the World (Audio CD)
I have every W.A.S.P. album and when a band has been going for as long as they have you will inevitably have your faves amongst their body of work. Often bands struggle trying to keep their sound fresh and test out things that don't quite work, this is true of every long running band and can be the death of a band if they don't inspire confidence in their fan base from the get go with solid releases. So it is a testament to W.A.S.P. and Blackie that they're still tearing it up to this very day, be it through sound systems and MP3 players or through blistering live performances. Below I have listed the pros and cons of their 2002 album `Dying For The World' to help you better decide if it'll be an album you'll have on repeat and cherish for years to come, or if it's a couple of good tracks then back on the shelf gathering dust...

- The moment you bang this bad boy on it exudes power and hard rock riffage that'll clean your lug holes right out.
- Blackie's vocals are as good as ever and some of the high notes and screams will raise goosebumps on your pink bits. Heartfelt and satisfyingly heavy.
- The production is great (as Heldorado showed us it W.A.S.P. releases can sometimes be a mixed bag in this department) - sorry but I have to disagree with one guy on hear who says Blackie's vocals are drowned out, as mentioned above they are blistering and gravelly as ever.
- Darrell Roberts fretwork is fantastic and he is more than a match for Chris Holmes (That may not be the most popular view ever but in my humble opinion it's true) and adds a fresh twist on the W.A.S.P. sound.
- My Wicked Heart, Hallowed Ground and Hell For Eternity are scorching tracks, some of the best tunes these boys have ever sent hurtling at us. Pure hard rock heaven.
- The short production span on this one is unusual but I also feel it helps it sound a little different and doesn't suffer for it at all.

- There are the odd typical sounding W.A.S.P. Symphonies on here that could sit on any other album and do little to shock or surprise. None are really bad at all but Trail of Tears is one such so-so `heard it all before' ballady types with a similar vocal progression to many past efforts.

This is a gem in the mighty saga of Blackie Lawless and the ever shifting line up that he calls W.A.S.P. It's a real stunner with some refreshingly different (but not completely departed) stuff that'll blow you away. A great one for every fan and a good starting point for new comers to the hive! Buy it now and teach your eardrums a lesson!

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