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SplatterHouse (Xbox 360)
SplatterHouse (Xbox 360)
Offered by Unity Goods

28 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars WELCOME BACK TO THE SPLATTERHOUSE!!!, 28 Nov. 2010
Being a massive Splatterhouse fanboy and having once run a fairly successful Splatterhouse fan site when I was a lot younger than I am now I felt it my duty to write a frank and honest review of the reboot/latest incarnation of the granddaddy of blood and guts, and I do promise to be impartial to do the old boy some justice. So what's the score? Does it live up to the gory glory days (as some, including me, saw them) when it was officially the first bad boy on the block? Well hopefully this list of pros and cons (topped off with a cherry of a conclusion) will help fans old and new to make up their minds whether this is killer or filler in the world of this seminal horror game series. Hope it helps!

THE GREAT:
- In this modern day of grand desensitised violence Splatterhouse is truly allowed to let rip, and by rip I mean faces, limbs and lungs straight from its enemies quivering bodies, gone are the days of the original Splatterhouse's green blood and gradually diminishing claret consumption this is how it was meant to be and how it is.
- The mask is both menacing, funny, brilliantly voiced and true to its most awesome incarnation (from part 3). Watching it drink blood then cackle in delight and spur Rick ever onwards is a blast.
- The lighting is really dramatic and looks like it was dragged straight from the set of your favourite O.T.T. horror flick. Good stuff.
- Ambient affects such as the house cracking and corrupting as you mooch through it is a joy to behold. Couple this with various nasty looking set pieces and slamming doors and the horror vibe is turned up to 10.
- The story is true to the original with a few adages that work well.
- Splatter kills take the place of just picking up a weapon and seeing bodies smash against walls and such like (although this is in play too but now bodies actually hit the screen!) and work well as being both fun, satisfying and suitably visceral. Also they really hit home what a brute Rick is with the mask on.
- This is a small one but when you first kick the game on the opening sequence is wicked.
- The full on metal soundtrack is right up my street but for those who don't dig it (even though it fits with the carnage really well) it is not over used and only really kicks off in moments of proper carnage. The rest of the soundtrack ranges from creepy incidental tunes to full on orchestral spookiness with hints of the original soundtracks peeping in every so often.
- The nods to horror films of the glory days are still in play and range from Re-Animator (although this is rightly taken in a more Lovecraftian direction), Child's Play and, most prevalent of all, Evil Dead 2. A horror fans moist daydream.
- A lot of people may find this a bit silly, sexist, or off putting even but finding naked pictures of Jennifer scattered about the place (which she has apparently left as a bread trail for you to follow her by) sort of fits. Jen was always pushed as being a sexy horror film dame in distress in the original games so it only following that train of thought in my opinion. Plus gratuity is sort of the game's whole bag - and it's a bag that some may dig and others may just shake their head at but I don't know what them there head shakers would be doing buying it anyway!
- The entire game taps the veins of the original series by taking you back to the days when watching heads pop was just pure awesome. Sure it's childish but many massive games a have built themselves on the basis of blood = good (Mortal Kombat being one that springs instantly to mind) but as with all these games it just makes the whole affair pure unadulterated fun. A total blast.
- Speaking of blood: the blood physics, splatters and noises are impressive in their execution - next to Madworld on the Wii I haven't seen such attention to detail in the red sauce department.
- The original three games are provided as extras making this the ultimate Splatterpack! Plus instead of the "alright" turbographx port of the original you get the full on arcade experience! It is a pure joy to play them through surround sound and on a big HD screen...although nothing with beat playing the original down the arcade back in the day.
- The game is a very respectable length.
- Side scrolling platformer style parts are a joy. I am unsure as to why a lot of the so called "professional" reviewers have harped on about these being a nightmare as they brought the old game flooding right back and I really enjoyed them - courses of horses I suppose.
- This is a beat `em up through and through, the only brass knobs stuck on this beast are purely aesthetic - other than that it's punch, kick, execute, hack, smash then power up to extend the possibilities of all the above. I think a lot of reviewers where expecting this to go all God of War but thankfully it's stuck to its guns and stayed close to its root. Of course this means that anyone except scrolling beater fans, gorehounds, horror phreaks and of course fans of the originals will be put off (hence some of the mediocre review scores) which is a shame as it really kicks the chance for another addition to the series in the pants somewhat, although a few people see the game for the gem it is such as the guardian online - and me - which is nice.
- The weapons are great and all the major face smashing groups are represented. Shotgun, hatchet, metal pipe, spiked 2x4, chainsaw - you name it it's probably here....no whisks though.
- Most of the levels are creepy and cool as heck! Running around the house never felt so menacing or looked more awesome.
- Ricks smashed in, real-time, wound effects are brilliant and watching an arms grow back (veins, muscle, bones and all) is proper cool - plus you can pick up your old arm and beat the nasties that took it from you with it!

THE NOT SO GREAT:
- As mentioned above; people who aren't fans of the genre, the genres the game represents and the original series may find little to like, or perhaps you'll become a new fan, it is great after all, but who knows. Anyway everyone else should dig it to bits.
- The games locals often go away from the house and its grounds and it doesn't feel right but it's not long till you're in a gore churning sewer or some such smashing skulls which makes you feel back at home, as it where. Still it's a little jarring for fans of the originals
- Not everyone will be able to find their inner child/teenager and enjoy the bloodbath, and for those people I feel a bit sorry as it left me as happy as a little kipper despite its obvious gruelling themes.
- People may have wanted the turbografx version included as an extra with its weird maroon mask and so on but the arcade version is where it's at really so tough toenails.
- The swearing is excessive - knocking on House of the Dead Overkill territory - It's funny and effective when it works but other times it just feels a bit tired.
- A bit of a fanboy thing here but Rick is a bit pathetic looking and I always imagined him more as an everyman than a bit of a wimp but he got Jen somehow so he's obviously got something....large shoes perhaps...
- Another fanboy gripe I suppose but I preferred the old ripped up boiler suite look than the urban yoof trainers and wallet chain affair but things have to move on I suppose.

CONCLUSION:
In my humble opinion Splatterhouse hits its mark with ultraviolent accuracy and being a total geek for the series this is no small thing for it to achieve for me. I'm not saying it's for everyone and no game is really - they can only target so many demographics and it's obvious which of those Splatterhouse is going for, however with all this in mind I still say give it a go you may be surprised. But for the rest of us who enjoy a good old bit of half minded violence with a real kick then this will blow you away. It's a beat `em up with classic gameplay written all over it and modern tweaks piled on top, and that, in my eyes, is definitely no bad thing. Nudity, violence, swearing: it's not big, it's not clever but man it sure can be a giggle! Welcome back to the Splatterhouse!
Comment Comments (5) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 18, 2011 3:29 PM BST


SplatterHouse (PS3)
SplatterHouse (PS3)
Offered by Unity Goods

25 of 28 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars WELCOME BACK TO THE SPLATTERHOUSE!!!, 28 Nov. 2010
This review is from: SplatterHouse (PS3) (Video Game)
Being a massive Splatterhouse fanboy and having once run a fairly successful Splatterhouse fan site when I was a lot younger than I am now I felt it my duty to write a frank and honest review of the reboot/latest incarnation of the granddaddy of blood and guts, and I do promise to be impartial to do the old boy some justice. So what's the score? Does it live up to the gory glory days (as some, including me, saw them) when it was officially the first bad boy on the block? Well hopefully this list of pros and cons (topped off with a cherry of a conclusion) will help fans old and new to make up their minds whether this is killer or filler in the world of this seminal horror game series. Hope it helps!

THE GREAT:
- In this modern day of grand desensitised violence Splatterhouse is truly allowed to let rip, and by rip I mean faces, limbs and lungs straight from its enemies quivering bodies, gone are the days of the original Splatterhouse's green blood and gradually diminishing claret consumption this is how it was meant to be and how it is.
- The mask is both menacing, funny, brilliantly voiced and true to its most awesome incarnation (from part 3). Watching it drink blood then cackle in delight and spur Rick ever onwards is a blast.
- The lighting is really dramatic and looks like it was dragged straight from the set of your favourite O.T.T. horror flick. Good stuff.
- Ambient affects such as the house cracking and corrupting as you mooch through it is a joy to behold. Couple this with various nasty looking set pieces and slamming doors and the horror vibe is turned up to 10.
- The story is true to the original with a few adages that work well.
- Splatter kills take the place of just picking up a weapon and seeing bodies smash against walls and such like (although this is in play too but now bodies actually hit the screen!) and work well as being both fun, satisfying and suitably visceral. Also they really hit home what a brute Rick is with the mask on.
- This is a small one but when you first kick the game on the opening sequence is wicked.
- The full on metal soundtrack is right up my street but for those who don't dig it (even though it fits with the carnage really well) it is not over used and only really kicks off in moments of proper carnage. The rest of the soundtrack ranges from creepy incidental tunes to full on orchestral spookiness with hints of the original soundtracks peeping in every so often.
- The nods to horror films of the glory days are still in play and range from Re-Animator (although this is rightly taken in a more Lovecraftian direction), Child's Play and, most prevalent of all, Evil Dead 2. A horror fans moist daydream.
- A lot of people may find this a bit silly, sexist, or off putting even but finding naked pictures of Jennifer scattered about the place (which she has apparently left as a bread trail for you to follow her by) sort of fits. Jen was always pushed as being a sexy horror film dame in distress in the original games so it only following that train of thought in my opinion. Plus gratuity is sort of the game's whole bag - and it's a bag that some may dig and others may just shake their head at but I don't know what them there head shakers would be doing buying it anyway!
- The entire game taps the veins of the original series by taking you back to the days when watching heads pop was just pure awesome. Sure it's childish but many massive games a have built themselves on the basis of blood = good (Mortal Kombat being one that springs instantly to mind) but as with all these games it just makes the whole affair pure unadulterated fun. A total blast.
- Speaking of blood: the blood physics, splatters and noises are impressive in their execution - next to Madworld on the Wii I haven't seen such attention to detail in the red sauce department.
- The original three games are provided as extras making this the ultimate Splatterpack! Plus instead of the "alright" turbographx port of the original you get the full on arcade experience! It is a pure joy to play them through surround sound and on a big HD screen...although nothing with beat playing the original down the arcade back in the day.
- The game is a very respectable length.
- Side scrolling platformer style parts are a joy. I am unsure as to why a lot of the so called "professional" reviewers have harped on about these being a nightmare as they brought the old game flooding right back and I really enjoyed them - courses of horses I suppose.
- This is a beat `em up through and through, the only brass knobs stuck on this beast are purely aesthetic - other than that it's punch, kick, execute, hack, smash then power up to extend the possibilities of all the above. I think a lot of reviewers where expecting this to go all God of War but thankfully it's stuck to its guns and stayed close to its root. Of course this means that anyone except scrolling beater fans, gorehounds, horror phreaks and of course fans of the originals will be put off (hence some of the mediocre review scores) which is a shame as it really kicks the chance for another addition to the series in the pants somewhat, although a few people see the game for the gem it is such as the guardian online - and me - which is nice.
- The weapons are great and all the major face smashing groups are represented. Shotgun, hatchet, metal pipe, spiked 2x4, chainsaw - you name it it's probably here....no whisks though.
- Most of the levels are creepy and cool as heck! Running around the house never felt so menacing or looked more awesome.
- Ricks smashed in, real-time, wound effects are brilliant and watching an arms grow back (veins, muscle, bones and all) is proper cool - plus you can pick up your old arm and beat the nasties that took it from you with it!

THE NOT SO GREAT:
- As mentioned above; people who aren't fans of the genre, the genres the game represents and the original series may find little to like, or perhaps you'll become a new fan, it is great after all, but who knows. Anyway everyone else should dig it to bits.
- The games locals often go away from the house and its grounds and it doesn't feel right but it's not long till you're in a gore churning sewer or some such smashing skulls which makes you feel back at home, as it where. Still it's a little jarring for fans of the originals
- Not everyone will be able to find their inner child/teenager and enjoy the bloodbath, and for those people I feel a bit sorry as it left me as happy as a little kipper despite its obvious gruelling themes.
- People may have wanted the turbografx version included as an extra with its weird maroon mask and so on but the arcade version is where it's at really so tough toenails.
- The swearing is excessive - knocking on House of the Dead Overkill territory - It's funny and effective when it works but other times it just feels a bit tired.
- A bit of a fanboy thing here but Rick is a bit pathetic looking and I always imagined him more as an everyman than a bit of a wimp but he got Jen somehow so he's obviously got something....large shoes perhaps...
- Another fanboy gripe I suppose but I preferred the old ripped up boiler suite look than the urban yoof trainers and wallet chain affair but things have to move on I suppose.

CONCLUSION:
In my humble opinion Splatterhouse hits its mark with ultraviolent accuracy and being a total geek for the series this is no small thing for it to achieve for me. I'm not saying it's for everyone and no game is really - they can only target so many demographics and it's obvious which of those Splatterhouse is going for, however with all this in mind I still say give it a go you may be surprised. But for the rest of us who enjoy a good old bit of half minded violence with a real kick then this will blow you away. It's a beat `em up with classic gameplay written all over it and modern tweaks piled on top, and that, in my eyes, is definitely no bad thing. Nudity, violence, swearing: it's not big, it's not clever but man it sure can be a giggle! Welcome back to the Splatterhouse!
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jan 3, 2011 4:21 PM GMT


Rec2 [DVD]
Rec2 [DVD]
Dvd ~ Jonathan Mellor
Offered by Direct-Offers-UK-FBA
Price: £2.90

8 of 10 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars PERFECT SEQUEL OR TOTAL REC?, 26 Oct. 2010
This review is from: Rec2 [DVD] (DVD)
I enjoyed Rec there ain't no denying that so I was more than up for another dunk into it's bloody, body-strewn, waters. However it was a bitter sweet experience rather than the mind blowing experience I was expecting when considering the original, and the buckets of hyperbole splattered across the front cover in the form of four and five star reviews from every Thomas, Richard and Harold. There is no question that we all wanted to know what was going on after the end of the first part so a sequel was certainly in order, but whether or not the direction taken with it was the best idea or indeed pulled of as well as could have been is another question entirely. So read on to find out more.

THE STORY:
It's fifteen minutes after the original incident and an armed unit is sent in to find out just what the heck is going on. Of course just having a whole bunch of weapons is not going to guarantee that you won't get your eyebrows snatched off in this particular block of flats so trouble is guaranteed to ensue, and on top of all this there's a bunch of pesky kids mooching about with a video camera trying to find a bit of action they can profit from. So it's not looking good for all involved, and if you recall the strange incidents in the penthouse from the end of the last movie you'll know that all hell is about to break loose.

THE GOOD:
- Sticking to the original format you're going on a tense first person view of the action which did and still does work extremely well in providing a claustrophobic front row seat in a gruesome freak show.
- The acting is good to very good although there are a few annoying elements that I'll get onto later.
- The violence and gore is spot on and about at the levels we've come to expect after the first film.
- Various effects that come from camera damage and other variables work well in keeping the confusing and frightening atmosphere running high.
- The attackers (I can no longer call them zombies) are suitably rabid and frighteningly quick.
- Twists and turns in the story are interesting (if not exactly what I was expecting).
- Sound is used to great effect and the whole thing sounds lovely in surround.
- The overall story line is a decent.

THE BAD:
- Although the overall story is interesting it doesn't play out as well as it could have done, in my opinion.
- The new direction or rather expansion of what was going on at the end of the first part is a little jarring and when it starts to kick off some of it comes off as being a bit too silly.
- A lot of the metaphysical stuff was a little too out there to work or be taken whole heartedly serious. The whole night vision stuff was just daft and nonsensical.
- Although the acting was good overall some of the shouting and more difficult emotional moments where proper O.T.T.
- The fact that everyone who gets into the building has a video camera, although necessary to the film, felt more than a little convenient at times.
- This may be a small point but the contact lenses used for the 'zombie' effects where a bit rubbish and could have looked a lot creepier.
- Nods to a certain other film are obvious but the film never reaches the scary heights of said film thus pointing out Rec 2's deficiencies.

CONCLUSION:
I didn't hate Rec 2 by any stretch of the imagination but it did leave me feeling strangely hollow. When it works it really works but it often pushes some really hokey stuff in your direction that's just a bit too silly to swallow. Having said all that if you watched and enjoyed the first part then you shouldn't miss out on this sequel and perhaps you'll be a lot more satisfied than I was - sorry but this time you'll have to draw your own conclusions.


The Collector [DVD]
The Collector [DVD]
Dvd ~ Juan Fernandez
Offered by simply-well-priced
Price: £3.45

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars ONE FOR THE COLLECTION?, 25 Oct. 2010
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: The Collector [DVD] (DVD)
Welcome to the first of Haunted Nostrils Horror reviews, you lucky little gibbon! So first up prepare your eyeballs for this here review of The Collector. Now the collector is many things but here are some things that it certainly is not A.) A twee 3d animation containing anthropomorphic critters that learn a heart-warming life lesson by working together. B.) A romantic comedy that ends with the inevitable and yawn inducing line 'Go after her!' C.) A vampire love story featuring some wide chinned gimp that's every teenage girl's wet dream wrapped up in a ball of cheese. However what it is, and there can be no denying this, is another entry in the already fit-to-burst 'Torture Porn' genre and more than a bit of a saw wannabe, but is it any good or is it just another limp rodded attempt to strangle the horror genre to death then cut of its eyelids and eat them like wet crisps? Read on to find out more:

THE STORY:
A struggling ex-con turned building contractor is working on a rich family's home but when money troubles kick in he decides to turn burglar and snatch a rather large red stone from the family's safe. However when he returns at night to snatch said treasure he finds himself in a house of nasty tricks set up by a serial killer called the collector. With the family in severe proximity of being sliced to ribbons will the little miscreant stay to save them of just nab his prize and hoof it? Well for the answer to that question you'll have to watch the film, but here are a few pros and cons to help you decide if you want those answers or you can sleep soundly without them:

THE GOOD:
- There are some real snappy moments of direction on display here, whether they're more style over substance I'm still unsure but they where snappy none the less.
- Has a real 'what the hell is this freak got lines up next?' feel which keeps you tensed up nicely.
- The collector is mental and nasty enough for you to want to see a suitably hideous end to his antics just like in Hostel.
- Characters are believable enough and the acting is on the quite decent side of the line.
- The film has a suitably grimy feel to it...but are we getting fed up of bleached colours and uber-dark filters? Well it worked okay for this so it could probably go another round.
- It has an enjoyable feel to the whole affair, despite the subject matter, and it's a certain 'I don't know what' combined with the tension that'll keep you glued.
- The soundtrack ranges from suitable to really great. Picked and produced by a member of Nine Inch Nails you can practically smell the grease on the cogs and see the sparks emitting from the myriad metallic clangs.
- There are enough questions to keep you guessing but it ain't the deepest of ponds if you catch my drift.
- There are an epic set of lady lumps on display: Every horror worth its salt needs 'em.

THE BAD:
- Some of the aforementioned questions are more obscure than they should be. e.g. what's with the collectors eyes? Why is he doing what he does and what does this process achieve? Why set up all the traps? etc. Clearer answers would have been nice to pay off your curiosity.
- The main protagonists eyes are proper dozy and it just bugged me, I don't know why but they did and he looked like the love child of Shaun Penn and Edward Norton...also inexplicably annoying.
- A lot of the nifty direction was cool looking but ultimately vapid and overly art compared to the rest of the content. Now there ain't nothing wrong with arty but as we all know functionless art is just tolerated vandalism.
- There where much better ways to go about saving the family which raised that ugly 'What are you doing question' more than once and let's face it; once it too many times.

CONCLUSION:
Despite its flaws and unanswered questions I thoroughly enjoyed The Collector, fair enough it was a mixed bag of other films but it did what it did well. I was kept glued for its diminutive but perfectly paced running time and had fun the whole time. So I would recommend a buy for the collector, at the right price, as it would make a nice addition to your horror collection right between your Saw and Hostel Collections. Right, I hope you found this episode of Haunted Nostrils Horror Reviews suitably compelling and helpful - go to my profile to read more (and happy Halloween!).


SAW II Flesh and Blood PS3
SAW II Flesh and Blood PS3

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars MORE BLOOD, MORE GORE, MORE SAW!, 24 Oct. 2010
Let me start by saying that a lot of reviewers didn't exactly dig the first Saw game, averaging out its total score across the web at around 6 out of 10, but for me it was a great rendition of the films that stayed faithful to its source material throughout, and weaving its mythos into the existing story of the films just made it all the more authentic. Now I have to admit that parts of it did become overused by the ultimate conclusion but it kept me entertained throughout...if you don't dig the whole Saw franchise I'm not 100% sure how forgiving you would be but like I said before; I dig the original game. So how does the sequel measure up? Dare you read on?

THE GOOD:
- The graphics are much improved over the original and it still sticks to the claustrophobic, grimy, abandoned feel of the films.
- Puzzles have been tweaked and are much more varied and hence interesting (and tougher!).
- There are now things to collect such as Billy puppets, case files and jigsaw pieces which makes scouring the levels a much more intricate affair.
- Fighting is tighter than in the original game: now this is something that grated a lot of people in part 1 so I've put it under the good category but also look under the bad.
- The music is a lot more grindy and industrial adding to the overall gritty overtones but still sticking to the films bombastically cool score.
- Added quicktime events really help keep the heart pumping - you can see 'em coming but whether you pull 'em off or not is another matter and adds to the overall 'threat' factor.
- Weapons, thanks to the new combat system, have a much more individual feel to them and sinking a nail bat into someone's skull now feels truly visceral.
- More fun traps and thus tense moments.
- Multiple character perspectives and situations keep the story twisting.
- There's a lot of disturbing and creepy things going on all over the place in this particular 'fun-house' and this all adds to the already abundant atmosphere - keep your peepers peeled!
- Tweaked controls take some getting used to but ultimately work better (for most part).

THE BAD:
- Some button presses miss sound effects making you wonder if you're continuing on or you've saved or whatever - trust me you'll spot it.
- It's already getting panned in the reviews which may put some people off but trust me: not everything has to be call of duty and if you love the films or the first game or even horror in general then you will love this.
- If you don't know the story of the last game, and some of the films, then you may struggle keeping up with the story here.
- Sometimes you won't know what the hell you're doing and Jigsaw ain't guiding you by the hand anymore which means some instant death moments or missed opportunities will inevitably arise, and this will obviously eventually aggravate the average/casual player.
- It looks good but it still isn't the best looking game out there: most importantly though it looks every bit `the part.'
- The combat now takes on a more quicktime feel which is a bit jarring at first but once you realise how much this highlights each weapon as its own individual entity, rather than just a simple pummelling tool, it's all good.

OVERALL:
I truly wanted to give Saw 2 a 5/5 but it has its faults, there is no denying it, however if you're gasping for a solid fix of horror with a more adult feel, and that doesn't involve the massively tired zombie genre yet again, then this is the game for you. If you love the films then there is no question that you'll miss out if you don't grab this throbbing chunk of gruesome goodness and take the ride. If you'd like to play a game then you won't go far wrong here.


SplatterHouse (TurboGrafx 16)
SplatterHouse (TurboGrafx 16)

5.0 out of 5 stars THE GRANDDADDY OF GORE IS SET TO RETURN!!, 25 Aug. 2010
With a reboot of the series just around the corner it seems quite timely that a review of the granddaddy of gore appears here in the hallowed halls of Retro Gamer, that game is of course Splatterhouse. With this remake of the original game on the way, various fan sites here and there and even a bone shaking death metal band of the same name Splatterhouse obviously has its avid followers, and deservedly so. From its dark atmosphere and sick and twisted visuals Splatterhouse came as a total shot in the arm for more grown up gamers of the time who had nothing but wave after wave of cutesy gaming icon wannabe's to contend with. Then along comes Rick Taylor, our protagonist, his lover, Jennifer, torn from his arms by unknown forces and his only chance at getting her back coming in the form of an ancient artefact known as the Terror Mask that turns him into the absolute antithesis of tosh like Bubsy the Bobcat: a blood thirsty, skull smashing, gut wrenching, brute with the muscle to tear his way through West Mansion to find his soulmate. It's compelling and heady stuff indeed but back in `89 it was like a solid kick in the excitement glands and I for one was lining up for another shock!

The gameplay fits snugly into the scrolling beater cannon sans lube, you walk, you punch, you kick, you dodge so on and so forth, but everything feels a little different here so instead of the above you trudge with hulking muscular purpose, you smash bodies to maggot infested sludge, you obliterate bodies against walls with metal pipes, you jump puddles of corpse vomit and slithering boreworms. It's twisted like you read about and you can see clear inspiration from the cream of the horror movie crop with Evil Dead II, Re-Animator, C.H.U.D. and every top class zombie film of the time all rolled up into one pulsing ball of skinless fan service.

Moving Rick around the house and its grounds is a smooth operation once you adjust to his speed and moves you'll be jumping spikes and thumping strangulated mutant babies in no time. As well as jump, kick and punch rick can also slide kick with a well timed press of your attack button and diagonal down on your pad. This move may take a few times to get used to but you'll need this move if you're going to defeat your doppelganger in the mirror room with as little damage as possible later down the line. Also you can modify your manoeuvres with the aforementioned weapons, these come in the form of metal pipes, fishing harpoons, meat cleavers and even shotguns! YAY! Like I said it all becomes second nature after you've broke a few skulls.

Graphics are obviously better in the arcade version but the old TG16 does its best and emulates the whole affair pretty well, sure it doesn't feel as dark, gruesome or visceral but it's intact for most part. However there are a few differences between the US and Japanese version of the game and although it's nearly note for note it I still miss those little additions on my US version of the game on Wii's Virtual Console. For starters in the western version Rick is wearing a rather fruity looking maroon Kabuki style mask that just sets the whole feel of the game off to a bad start. The Japanese Voorhees style mask was always going to draw the crowds (although I firmly believe that the mask looks at its most threatening and evil in part 3 with its grimace of slits - thank goodness they stuck with this design for the current gen remake! Still not too sure about them ripped up jean-shorts though...). Next up the boss with the swirling heads, in the chapel level, are usually spinning around an inverted cross but here that is replaced with a blue mutant head. Also after said boss fight Rick looks at an altar with a cross on and hears some heavenly music but that is also amiss leaving Rick staring into space like a bit of a gorm. There are probably other differences but these are the main ones and sure they are just niggles but for a game built on atmosphere and overall aesthetic it does sting a little.

Sound is well emulated, suitably creepy and builds tension nicely - there are a good few tunes in here I hope make it over to the new game though it's mostly sounding like a death metal affair so far, but we'll see.

Bosses are impressive and inventively gruesome and all have their learnable patterns but some are still a tad unforgiving, and believe it or not this version is a bit tougher than the arcade original - and that one wants you monies!

Overall it's still a mould breaking classic and requires thumbs of steel to shred your way through. I may be a little biased being a hardcore fan from back in the day (sad as it may seem I even bought those new Splatterhouse design skater shoes, very comfy too!) and this may seem like any other scrolling brawler to today's gore-numb audiences, but for me the twists in story and the strictly adult atmos' make this the definitive first step in the evolution of brutal beat `em ups. So all I can say is don your terror mask and prepare to feel the bloodlust!


The Crazies [DVD]
The Crazies [DVD]
Dvd ~ Maxime Alexandre
Price: £2.41

6 of 28 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars ULTRAMAXI GENERIC SUPERPOOPIES!, 27 July 2010
This review is from: The Crazies [DVD] (DVD)
Why? Why even bother making this cut and paste lightweight dung? I read reviews stating 'this is not a zombie movie' but for all it's worth who gives a curly log? They may as well be zombies - people not in thier right mind who look a bit scabby going round destructifying the living in as many generic ways possible. So they don't moan for brains or chomp necks but that's about the main and only differences. I'm still watching this rubbish as I QWERTY - that's how much of your attention this requires, and trust me that's a heck of lot more than it deserves. So just how generic and pointless is it? Read on:

- The script is dull and it's delivery is little more than expected. Whoever's desk this piece of stinky detritus landed on must have been in the throws of a brain hemmorhage to let it fly.
- How many times can people be saved by a 'just-in-the-nick-of-time gunshot from some johnny come lately? God help us all - when will it end!
- Town is under quarantine from a virus outbreak, goverment goons come in to herd the populace..need I say more? Yawn.
- Timothy Olyphant has been going downhill since the atrocity of Hitman - will this be the final bullet in his career - I hope not but it ain't looking good there Timbo. Time to give your agent a few swift tolchocks me thinks.
- The film mildly taps the vein of who's crazy and who's not paranoia and this would have better served it in the long run than the run of the mill tosh it ends up being.
- It's just eneded and the ending was more balloon juice than I could ever have imagined and the typical ironic closing title tune plays on....I die a little each time this happens......

CONCLUSION:
I can't go on with this review i've just wasted and hour and thirty one minutes on watching a culmination of every outbreak and zombie/rabbid human/whatever-the-heck movie cliches I could bear, and I'd rather get tombstoned through a woodchipper than prolong the agony and further. So if you've seen anything that sounds like this in the past and you're already stuffed to uncomfortable proportions with the genre's junk-food then chances are you've seen this, just in a different box with different actors. Trust me unless you are some sort of movie going self flagilist then steer clear lest you join the ranks of the crazies!
Comment Comments (5) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Aug 14, 2015 6:36 PM BST


Singularity (PS3)
Singularity (PS3)
Offered by Invicta Deals
Price: £7.75

11 of 13 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Little Bit of What You Like..., 1 July 2010
This review is from: Singularity (PS3) (Video Game)
Every once in a while a game chugs along that you are mildly interested in, but if you're at all honest with yourself it's mostly to see it fall flat on its face due to its derivative nature. Then again every so often a game comes along that cheats death against all odds and turns out to be quite decent...good, even. So here comes Singularity with its Bioshock swagger and its time bending typicalities and we're all wondering what that curious little addition to the new releases shelves is actually like, but not wanting to chance our coin on it. Well It's a good job I had me some trade ins to unburden so I could give you the lowdown.

THE GOOD:
- The graphics are very nice and full of great little atmospheric touches. A silky smooth frame rate puts the cherry on a very tasty cake.
- Controls are sweet and precise, nothing new (a point which you'll soon see will become somewhat of a theme throughout this review) but more than adequate to fill your foes full of a ton of lead.
- Creature design is somewhat typical of many supernatural themed games but they are, along with the rest of the game, sharp and well constructed and can often bring an acute sense of dread as they jump out from their hiding places.
- Weapons are functional and get quite interesting as the game progresses.
- The time manipulation high-jinks are actually really well thought out, as linear as they may be, this is where the majority of the stand out points of the game are to be found. Silly stuff but in a gripping and grand sort of way - the TMD is an awesome idea.
- The audio work is really top notch, again nothing new but it works wonders with a good sound system. The sniffles and grunts of hidden enemies are disturbing and always feel right down the back of your neck. Disturbing and almost moist.
- Loads of little nooks to find stuff in which makes you really appreciate the environments.
- Some of the set pieces are stunning and they are literally enormous - plus, bonus, they aren't all scrunched into the first level, they just keep popping up and blowing you away.
- excellent pacing
- engaging story, not massively original but all woven into a believable world that's engaging right to the very end.
- good length single player campaign.
- The time travelling and manipulation aren't just an afterthought: they are integral and very well implemented by an obviously skilled team.

THE BAD:
- It is as unoriginal as a reworking of the hula-hoop but in all the right ways, as mentioned above. Many games get nothing but boons for being the exact same thing as many others while others get lambasted - I don't quite know why at times but this is a very good culmination of many already well utilised components.
- those little bug creatures really annoy me - yup it's a personal one but they really wind me up.
- The multiplayer is functional but not inspiring in any way at all - it just sort of sits there.

CONCLUSION:
Those looking for multiplayer thrills should look to the new transformers game (War For Cybertron) for their kicks. Those looking for a very decent thrill ride in an FPS world thats immersive and believable could do far, far worse than Singularity - it's time travelling fun that won't stear the single player far wrong.
Comment Comments (9) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jul 21, 2010 11:54 AM BST


Naughty Bear (PS3)
Naughty Bear (PS3)
Offered by Video Game Store UK
Price: £16.95

20 of 27 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars IT WOULD STILL BE OVERPRICED AT A FIVER..., 1 July 2010
This review is from: Naughty Bear (PS3) (Video Game)
Let's make this as short an execution, I mean review, as possible. I dived into the first level of naughty bear with an eager grin and an open mind. Right so here's a step by step account of my experience:

1. It's bright it's colourful and has a fitting `kid's TV' narration - that's the up side. The down side is it looks like vomitsville as far as texture and model work goes. Even Mario Galaxy on the graphically inferior Wii could muster some fur effects but Naughty Bear's texture work looks like the morning produce of a heavy night on a certain black alcoholic beverage.
2. Naught bear wanders about well enough, the controls being the usual back and forth and a few button presses churn out attacks from picked up weapons. However more bad news comes in the form of the horrendously touchy camera. It's like trying to control a rabid dog in a sausage factory. Oh well I seem to have some sort of handle on it so on I go.
3. Instantly I'm smelling a cross between the canny animations of EA's early megadrive offering `The Haunting' and the darkness-creeping uberkills of Rockstar's gruesome brainchild `Manhunt'. This could be fun.
4. So now I've set a bear's face on fire in a barbeque and ground another one's face into a fluffy mess using a set of DJ decks. It seems like quite a giggle but the graphics are off-puttingly atrocious and the camera is still annoying me and making me miss some kills. There is a little box at the top that shows the kills but it's not massively adequate.
5. First level done - not a massive score but I've seen some funny kills and caused quite the riot. Let's see what the next level has to offer.
6. Oh right it's the same environment - a little grassy place split into three areas full of bears in huts.
7. The police seem to be called with more urgency this time round but a quick kill sorts that out - if you can make it to the bear on the phone in time. It seems pretty much the same apart from a different scenario though.

FAST FORWARS AN HOUR AND 2 LEVELS LATER:

8. Right so it is all the same apart from some different bears with different but equally horrendous textures on them. I've unlocked some hats that make me stronger and stuff but it's not really worth seeing these blasted animations for the 50th time just to get another badly rendered hat.
9. Yup it's all the same and this is going back to the shop A.S.A.P. Let's get on with the conclusion so I can wash my hands of this stinking nightmare.

CONCLUSION:
The first time I set foot in naughty bear's world it was a wobbly affair -then the kill animations set in and the score system raised a smile...but the hundredth time you slice and dice a bear into a fluffy pile on the dirt of perfection island (a very small and boring place indeed) and the whole thing is far more unpalatable. This feels like a total rush job, shoddy visuals and extremely, painfully, repetitive gameplay all adds up to a hair greying experience the likes of which I have rarely experienced this side of a hand held lcd game from the 80's. If this had been a little downloadable title I'd still be shocked at its vapidity, but seeing as it's going for actual monetary notes from any given videogame outlet it just reeks of daylight robbery set in the laziest game world ever imagined. I can't tell you how appalling this is - serious gamers should steer clear, and people who think hitting teddies with golf clubs over and over again is fun I'd still say stay away and buy yourself a real teddy a and golf club - it'll cost you a lot less and you'll feel a hell of a lot less ridiculous.


BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger - Limited Edition (PS3)
BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger - Limited Edition (PS3)

2 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars BLAZBLUE: IS IT FOR YOU?, 10 Jun. 2010
Guilty gear had me hooked, I'm not ashamed to admit I was a total fan boy and Sol Badguy is one of my all-time favourite game characters ever, right next to Rick from Splatterhouse and Kratos from the GOW trilogy. When I worked for Sony in thier QA department Guilty Gear stood as my favourite 2 weeks of testing in 4 years on the job. So how does Arc's new kid on the block stand up to Guilty Gear and all the rest of the beat `em up rabble on the shelves at the moment? Read on to find out more:

THE GOOD:
- The animation is smooth and flows like an absolute dream...albeit a crazy wacked out dream featuring blobs that jet out random insect limbs and strange vampire girls with weird catlike familiars.
- As touched upon above the characters are inventive and strange although not as unique as they first appear, but more on this later.
- The controls are responsive and sharp as the razor edged weapons on display in game.
- The backgrounds are truly stunning, my favourite is the spooky castle with the rose bed and numerous grimacing pumpkins and ghouls dotted about it`s haunted grounds.
- The soundtrack is cheesy, thumping, guitar widdles that fit nicely with the equally O.T.T. action blurring across the screen.
- Sound effects give the whole thing a spine of steel and sound great blasting through my sound system.
- Some of the moves are impressive and others are so ludicrous and bizarre they beg for jaws to drop - in a good way.
- The control system is easy to pick up and learn, especially for old hands at guilty gear such as myself, but there is enough depth to keep you delving.
- Both Japanese and English vocalisations are on offer which is very nice.
- Tons of stuff to unlock such as art, new `Astral' moves and lengthy stories to follow.
- Plenty of modes to battle through including online madness that, so far, has sight nor sound of lag.

THE BAD:
- The whole clichéd anime jive may put a lot of people off, I mean this is the full on, blue spiky hair, typical peed off and loopy weirdo protagonists and hideously contrived story lines manga experience cranked up to 11.
- A lot of the dialog is cringe worthy and anyone over 15 will find themselves gritting their teeth on a fair few occasions.
- The characters are all just slightly reworked, and not as cool, versions of their Guilty Gear counterparts and some even look near enough the same (e.g. Sol and Ragna, Potemkin and Iron Tager and Zappa and the equally strange Arakune to name but a few). It begs the question why not give us an all new Guilty gear experience, cut out some of the lesser characters and plonk in some new ones but work it all with that current gen graphical prowess. I know this is Guilty Gears `spiritual successor' but most of it is just a plain rehash.
- 12 Characters just isn't enough, sorry but it isn't no matter their quality.
- Even if you learn all the ins and outs of the fighting system there are some of these mere 12 characters that just don't rack up against some of the other overly powerful brutes, and therefore the title feels unbalanced at times.
- The reviews of this game (except this one) will give you the impression that this is something so different and new that we as mere gamers will be stunned at its majesty...well as you can see by my above points it doesn't really live up to the hype (just look at IGN's bloated brown-nosing of a review). Do not be fooled this is just Guilty Gear with a few brass nobs on.

THE UGLY TRUTH:
Did you dig the guilty gear series? Do you like 2d fighters in general? Does the mere mention of Garou: Mark of the Wolves send you to realms of heavenly gaming bliss? Then this is for you - you'll find much to like but not reams of innovation as a lot of reviews would have you believe. With so many quality fighting games coming and going of late BB's graphical style and teeny goth/anime world will surely make it a sure winner for a lot of fighting gamer buffs but is it the best of the bunch? I don't think it is, don't get me wrong it doesn't miss the mark by a long way but I was expecting a lot more.


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