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Haunted Nostril "TaT" (UK)

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Dirt Showdown (PS3)
Dirt Showdown (PS3)
Offered by RTH Trading
Price: £14.99

22 of 24 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars CRASH, BANGh....****updated****, 27 May 2012
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Dirt Showdown (PS3) (Video Game)
So Dirt's gone all gnarly and trashy eh? Well according to an interview I read Codemasters has decided to split the series in half and leave the hoonigan style car wiggling and general motor based tomfoolery to the "Showdown" camp thus letting the core Dirt series deal with the proper meat and veg of rally driving. So how has it worked out? Well I'll try to keep in mind the aforementioned parting of the series notion in my mind while I pick away at this the more angsty face of Dirt.

THE GOOD STUFF:
- The graphics are stunning with the ego engine bringing a tear to the eye once again. Great details on the tracks and substantial vehicular models make this the cream of the visual crop.
- The crunches and crashes that accompany every battered motion of your motor are epic. It's like someone is chewing scrap metal right in your ear.
- The framerate is slicker than a baby seal covered in Vaseline and only adds to the overall ocular intercourse.
- Some of the vehicles are really cool looking and with all the various destruction derby style add-ons they really stand out.
- Some of the liveries and paint jobs are as equally impressive as the motors sporting them with the dalik fodda art being some of the panicles of the design foray.
- The online is chaotic fun, massive amounts of it and will have you swearing with sweaty glee in no time. This really feels like what the game was made for.
- This point really should have been lumped in with the whole graphics thing above but I feel special attention needs to be paid to the various special effects that accent the game such as sun glare, fireworks, smoky tire friction and all the other innumerable pyrotechnical that lace the visuals like crack for the peepers. Sweet.
- The menus are much like Dirt 3's menus; clean, smooth and functional, if not really deviating from the whole Codemasters aesthetic, but they work well and are effortlessly navigatable.
-****The controls are proper tight, tighter than my bosses wallet even, for a more arcadey take on the Dirt world they couldn't be more perfect.*****
-****The joyride mode is a good blast in this one, it's good to really razz around and push the car and the controls. tons to do.****

THE BAD STUFF:
****The joyride mode, though fun and a generally all round top bloke, features missions that essentially are the same thing over and over - dohnut round this, drift under that, if you've done it once youll be able to do replicate it anywhere so the challenge is near non existant. However I do dig finding the tokens and the stuff they unlock ain't much but totally worth it.*****
- The commentator needs to shut his yapper - I mean he sounds like a frickin' Ninja Turtle and this ain't the early nineties, Sheila. With quipy gems like "Totally T-Bone-tastical", "Perpendicular awesomeness" and even the use of the word rad this guy should be dunked in hot jam and tossed, full pelt, into a mass of seething hornets.
- You will play the same tracks from the extremely sparse number of available tracks over and over and over and over again until you just want to throw up. Weak.
- I mentioned that some of the liveries are really cool, inventive and generally very good well there are some that look like they were designed by a junky who's head is absolutely chock full of multicoloured, heaving, custard.
- The soundtrack is sketchy at best, these tracks are not going to be featured on anyone's best of albums and you will learn to loath them as the repeat your ears into the ground.
- *This next point is my own personal peeve and it may not fit everyone's frame of mind so just discount it if you don't agree: Hooniganisation is annoying as hell, i'm glad they're tearing it from the womb of the core Dirt experience and dumping it in its own mediocre outing. I buy Dirt for the feeling of blasting around beautiful locations, tearing up the gravel and trying to blitz some tight times, this game is more about jagging off with your car and swinging it around poles like some bizarre motor-worshipping stripper. There is nothing worse and people should stop humping their vehicles and get back on the track. So there.
- This game pushes its online presence on you like a nasty drug pusher - do you want to put your replays on Youtube? Do you want to sign up to our latest copy and paste gaming community? Do you grant your soul and first born child to Codemasters and their team of marketing goblins and wizards. I remember when Codemasters used to make games like Dizzy and Super Stunt Man and didn't try to inject their very essence into your eyeballs. This kind of thing is a little unsavoury.
- The whole thing is a rather short lived, overly simplified, experience that just doesn't do the games name justice.

THE FINAL WORD:
****right so my previous final word was a little unkind perhaps and the innitial shock of a near arcadey Dirt title shook me a little, but i am here to put things straight. However I still feel a lot of my inntial conscerns are valid, but I've put in a 15 hours now and the single player is a very tight place to be indeed with too few tracks to spread across the breadth of thr campaign leaving it feel like a bit of a slog. The joyride mode is where the majority of the freedom lies but is far too easy and shortlived for its own good. So you are left with the multiplayer mode which is a good blast but has the same problems as the single play and ultimately the overall package is a very sparse feeling affair. There's some big chunks of fun to be had during your time with Dirt Showdown but i'm still left looking forwards to less of this tomfoolery and more of the core rally experience that im sure will be represented in Dirt 4, and even at this price this is a little hard to recommend Dirt Showdown for anything but a rental.****
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Dec 19, 2012 8:20 PM GMT


No Title Available

4 of 6 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars TEACHING AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS?, 26 May 2012
Take Tony Scott's Man on Fire's directorial stylings, chuck in a dose of the original Max Payne games duet, stir liberally and add a pinch of John Woo's Stranglehold and its destructible, environmental, gun-ballet, then down the lot while munching on a side order of every damaged, noir-styled, action hero ever imagined and you're very likely to spew out Max Payne 3; but let's give the pigeon hole treatment a rest for a minute and have a gander at some of the good and bad of the drunk old grumbler's latest outing:

THE GOODNESS:

- Some of the finest environments I've ever shot to pieces in my life. The details are insane and the destructive and tactical potential of each of these bad boys is superb.
- Some of the direction during the cut scenes is magnificent with the voice actors and story going a long way to sending the overall production soaring.
- Some of the scenarios that are presented to you are straight of the lad's big book of action wet dreams and the game constantly pushes some nice surprises your way to mix things up.
- Max is a really captivating character: he's damaged, surly and dry and has a way with words that jumps from the gutter to a sort of bleak poetry with ease, believability and a good dose of gallows humour.
- The controls are tight and the weapons reactive.
- The final enemy of each section can be taken out with flesh tearing style in silky smooth slow motion and it looks splendiferous.
- The melee finishers (if you can get close enough) are cool as heck and give you the final trigger pull which is brutally empowering.
- I want the soundtrack, simple as, niff said, end of.
- The sound effects are cracking too.
- Finding the golden gun parts is a welcome change of pace during the crossfire.
- The multiplayer is frantic and fun.
- Max is constantly evolving throughout the story, his look changing, his collective wounds gathering like badges of honour.

THE NOT SO GOOD:

- The multiplayer though a good blast isn't massively essential and didn't grip me as much as it could have done, or as much as the story.
- Max is a compelling character no doubt but the wise-cracking bravado in desperate, life-threatening, situations and constant winging often grates with the former remind me of far too many bad, 80's, American, action, cheese-fests which takes away from the overall study of a man in a self destructive spiral desperately wanting to do something of worth.
- The graphics are good but not up-there-with-the-best. There's a few too many rough edges and low poly moments that stick out a little too far.
- Max Payne can grow a full beard in like three days - he may be Max Payne but he has Chuck Norris' facial hair (sans hidden fist).
- The CCTV scratchiness of the direction and on screen quips are a little bit early 2000's and more than a little overused.
- Some of the script feels a little childish, for most part it's effective, but there are moments that are obviously just chucked in for edginess' sake so a lot of over-excitable critics can waffle about the games adult themes and bold risk taking.
- This is the big point: The gameplay is just very, very derivative. We've seen this thing done before and done to death - fair enough it has never been done quite as tightly, but I can't help but think this would have felt a whole lot better a good few years ago.
- There are a few bugs that pop up here and there and take away from the overall flow - the odd bit of jerkiness, the silly angle of maxes gun in a few last man standing situations, the odd bit of missing sound - yeah, nothing major but still it's noticeable.
- I mentioned it earlier but for me this feels a lot like the movie Man on Fire - not a carbon copy or anything but it feels a little too much like a copy-cat rather than a little slice of fan service.
- All those elements I mentioned in my opening paragraph are so obvious that even a chimp could see them and that only adds to the overall feeling of staggering unoriginality.

SO......

Well to sum it up Max Payne thrice is a big old bag of over used gaming and filmic clichés that is wrapped in a great story and a brilliant character study. So if you dig games for their power of narrative and use of the emotive then this might just be the beast for you - for everyone else I'd keep hold of your cash till there are innumerable copies of this on your local game stores pre-owned shelves. It's a diamond in the rough that feels like a strange misstep for Rockstar at times, but when the bullets fly and the world around you is an exciting set of destructible potential there is fair bit of joy to be found, it's just not in the slightest bit innovative.


Sniper Elite V2 (PS3)
Sniper Elite V2 (PS3)
Offered by Boomedia
Price: £16.00

4.0 out of 5 stars OOOH DID YOU SEE THAT!, 26 May 2012
This review is from: Sniper Elite V2 (PS3) (Video Game)
The original Sniper Elite on PS2 was something of a sleeper hit with those with the real know, namely the gamers not the reviewers, raising it up to legendary levels of worship. With its suitably sneaky monkey gameplay and uber-violent, uber-up-close, kill cam providing more twisted thrills than a preliminary, leather-clad, fun-run with a new safety word it was a sure-fire winner: pun intended. So how does the new one shape up - does it stand head and shoulders above its touchstone predecessor? Or does it stand above its predecessor only to have its wig split from a suitably safe distance? Read on to find out...or just skip it all read the end bit...sigh.

THE GOOD STUFF:
- Let's get it out of the way: The x-ray based kill cam is one of the finest constructs in gaming history. It is awesome and provides so many nasty, often hilarious, awe inspiring, skull smashes and nad splatterings that it should be in every game ever - even Barbie's Horse Adventure (maybe they could add a glue factory level).
- The levels are massively detailed and massively massive - there are a ton of places to sneak into and blast your opponents from giving a real sense of an actual bombed out maze of hidey-holes.
- The ability to set up a network of tripwires and land mines to lead the baddies into is as ever a beautiful thing and adds to your feeling of battlefield superiority.
- The aiming is precise, exactly what you need, but we are talking sharp as a tack precision - you could take the `tache hair off my mate's missus' top lip from ten miles away if you so desired - god knows she needs it, drench that bullet in nair while you're at it.
- Tagging gas tanks on vehicles is cool as can be.
- Hopefully this will mean more sniper elite's will be pushed out and they can get better and better. It deserves to be a fully fledged series; with Ghost Warrior disappointing almost universally and a lot of folks wanting a pure sniping experience without a whole load of other gubbins thrown in there is definitely room; here's hoping eh.
- The levels as well as being detailed in both detail and layout are nicely varied sending you from rain soaked factories to war torn city centres and everywhere in between.
- Tons of scenarios exploited - triple kill set ups, explosive tanks next to gun nests, rival snipers trying to take you out and blowing your cover - sweet.
- Finding Nazi gold and shooting bottles is a great distraction.

THE BAD STUFF:
- The AI is not the best - waves of dumb-a**es apparently populated the ranks of the SS - I find that hard to believe, even though I'm British and would often like to think so. This leads to cheap tactics meaning that one shot from your rifle can often mean that every single enemy across a massive area will instantly know where you are despite their positioning and any visual blockages in their way. Not great.
- It may be a small thing but the character models hair makes them look like a rubbery action figures - small thing like I said but it looks weird.
- The soundtrack cannot be turned fully off - I don't want music over silent, sneaky, sniper game, or at least the option to turn it right down - I want to hear what's going on around me but even if I could turn the tunes off the surround sound doesn't seem the best mix.
- Sometimes the waves of enemies just get tedious.
- This is definitely a play a level then play something else for a bit then go back for a blast a while later type of a game, it's thrills are short lived and soon become tiresome - but it will draw you back, of that I assure you!
- There are tons of details in the levels but lots are repeated too often - like "oh there's that pile of three books again.....wait...is it following me?"
- Because of the skittish AI you will often not get to use many of the cool hiding places to their full potential - let alone get to them.
- The up close sneak kills don't rock as much as they could.
- Close quarters combat with machine guns and pistols ranges from not that much fun to just plain all over the place.
- Multiplayer = a bit meh, but then the single player is a snipers bread and butter - the solitary way...still it would have been nice to meet other snipers.
- I can never find those bottles!
- The voice acting is a bit slack and a lot of the enemy phrases are used over and over and over and over and....add infinitum.

OVERALL:
Sniper Elite V2 is a great follow up to its superb original outing - it could have been absolutely stunning with better AI and a bit more oomph in the close quarters combat, but as it goes it's an exercise in brutal fun; so on that level it feels a bit more like the Burnout of sniper games rather than a full on sniper sim, and more of a balance between the two would have been a bit better. Still it's a top little game that I have had a lot more fun with than Max Payne 3 which is a boon for a much smaller studio with a much smaller franchise. Well done rebellion.
Comment Comments (2) | Permalink | Most recent comment: May 27, 2012 12:40 AM BST


Max Payne 3 (PS3)
Max Payne 3 (PS3)
Offered by passionFlix UK
Price: £9.48

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars TEACHING AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS?, 25 May 2012
This review is from: Max Payne 3 (PS3) (Video Game)
Take Tony Scott's Man on Fire's directorial stylings, chuck in a dose of the original Max Payne games duet, stir liberally and add a pinch of John Woo's Stranglehold and its destructible, environmental, gun-ballet, then down the lot while munching on a side order of every damaged, noir-styled, action hero ever imagined and you're very likely to spew out Max Payne 3; but let's give the pigeon hole treatment a rest for a minute and have a gander at some of the good and bad of the drunk old grumbler's latest outing:

THE GOODNESS:

- Some of the finest environments I've ever shot to pieces in my life. The details are insane and the destructive and tactical potential of each of these bad boys is superb.
- Some of the direction during the cut scenes is magnificent with the voice actors and story going a long way to sending the overall production soaring.
- Some of the scenarios that are presented to you are straight of the lad's big book of action wet dreams and the game constantly pushes some nice surprises your way to mix things up.
- Max is a really captivating character: he's damaged, surly and dry and has a way with words that jumps from the gutter to a sort of bleak poetry with ease, believability and a good dose of gallows humour.
- The controls are tight and the weapons reactive.
- The final enemy of each section can be taken out with flesh tearing style in silky smooth slow motion and it looks splendiferous.
- The melee finishers (if you can get close enough) are cool as heck and give you the final trigger pull which is brutally empowering.
- I want the soundtrack, simple as, niff said, end of.
- The sound effects are cracking too.
- Finding the golden gun parts is a welcome change of pace during the crossfire.
- The multiplayer is frantic and fun.
- Max is constantly evolving throughout the story, his look changing, his collective wounds gathering like badges of honour.

THE NOT SO GOOD:

- The multiplayer though a good blast isn't massively essential and didn't grip me as much as it could have done, or as much as the story.
- Max is a compelling character no doubt but the wise-cracking bravado in desperate, life-threatening, situations and constant winging often grates with the former remind me of far too many bad, 80's, American, action, cheese-fests which takes away from the overall study of a man in a self destructive spiral desperately wanting to do something of worth.
- The graphics are good but not up-there-with-the-best. There's a few too many rough edges and low poly moments that stick out a little too far.
- Max Payne can grow a full beard in like three days - he may be Max Payne but he has Chuck Norris' facial hair (sans hidden fist).
- The CCTV scratchiness of the direction and on screen quips are a little bit early 2000's and more than a little overused.
- Some of the script feels a little childish, for most part it's effective, but there are moments that are obviously just chucked in for edginess' sake so a lot of over-excitable critics can waffle about the games adult themes and bold risk taking.
- This is the big point: The gameplay is just very, very derivative. We've seen this thing done before and done to death - fair enough it has never been done quite as tightly, but I can't help but think this would have felt a whole lot better a good few years ago.
- There are a few bugs that pop up here and there and take away from the overall flow - the odd bit of jerkiness, the silly angle of maxes gun in a few last man standing situations, the odd bit of missing sound - yeah, nothing major but still it's noticeable.
- I mentioned it earlier but for me this feels a lot like the movie Man on Fire - not a carbon copy or anything but it feels a little too much like a copy-cat rather than a little slice of fan service.
- All those elements I mentioned in my opening paragraph are so obvious that even a chimp could see them and that only adds to the overall feeling of staggering unoriginality.

SO......

Well to sum it up Max Payne thrice is a big old bag of over used gaming and filmic clichés that is wrapped in a great story and a brilliant character study. So if you dig games for their power of narrative and use of the emotive then this might just be the beast for you - for everyone else I'd keep hold of your cash till there are innumerable copies of this on your local game stores pre-owned shelves. It's a diamond in the rough that feels like a strange misstep for Rockstar at times, but when the bullets fly and the world around you is an exciting set of destructible potential there is fair bit of joy to be found, it's just not in the slightest bit innovative.


Silent Hill Downpour (PS3)
Silent Hill Downpour (PS3)

1 of 3 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars STILL CREEPY, BUT...., 8 April 2012
So here we are back in Silent Hill for the 8th instalment of the franchise and there will be a lot of long time fans wondering if the series has grasped back at the glory days of yore and will deliver them the stuff of nightmares...in a good way. I'm a long time fan and have to say I have enjoyed all of the silent hill games in their own way; see I dig them purely for the shocks and twisted hellraiser-esque beasties rather than the convoluted, weedy, j-horror, stories and general angsty nonsense, and as such I have been provided with plenty of chestnuting of the shorts along the way; but of course I, like everyone else, still have my faves and those ones I can take or leave. So let's get on with this thing and see if we will all be taking a shot at the multiple endings or leaving this one in the dusty confines of our haunted little collections:

THE GOODNESS:
- The atmos' is, as ever, as thick as the fog that obscures the terrors that lie in wait. Hearing the crackle of your walkie-talkie is still a daunting prospect.
- The graphics are pretty tasty with some sweet weather FX and tight details.
- The sound work, especially through a good optical surround, is mountainous. A terrifying scratch here, a room sweeping round of running footsteps there - turn off those lights and I guarantee you'll be letting out a good few trouser trumpets of terror in no time.
- The locations, though all typically derelict, are varied and filled with intrigue.
- Some of the puzzles are really inventive and enjoyable...some of them...
- The weapon selection is decent and combat feels visceral and satisfying - especially on hard.
- Plenty of endings to seek out and a good few alternate outcomes to situations are worth taking a second look at.
- It's a fair size game so a decent bit of bang for your buck then.

THE BADNESS:
- This needs one epic patch because it is as juddery as hell - there are times when it just feels like it's constantly loading and this can be proper disorientating if you've just moved your camera.
- The enemy design, for me, is a bit weak this time round - the screamers just look like wet bag ladies and those big skin monkey's faces are just a bit too silly looking. It's still not great to ever encounter any of these critters, especially in a pack, but the inventiveness just isn't there this time round.
- Some of the puzzles are just crud. I mean really uninspiring to the point where you almost can't be bothered.
- Easy is too easy, normal almost feels the same as easy and hard feels like normal should feel - not a great for gamers who have been with the series a long time or for people who have played anything but Spyro the Dragon...and I thought this was supposed to cater to adults.
- Some of the dialog is just plain weak and you can tell the actors are trying their best but a lot of it just comes off as forced and a bit embarrassing.
- The overall flow of the game is a bit disjointed at some points I just tuned out, I mean don't get me wrong there are some great moments...just not "the greatest".

THE FINAL CUT:
It may sound like the conclusion to this review will be a resounding "meh" but I have to admit the good just about outweighs the bad for me and seeing as the horror genre is running low on inspiration, and high on now overused zombies, at the moment it's good to get hold of another SH game. Having said that the bad is so prevalent that it cannot be ignored and I can't help but feel some new Ideas and ways to freak us all out need to be injected into the franchise before it all becomes a little bit too stagnant to even be bothered with.


Ridge Racer Unbounded - Limited Edition (PS3)
Ridge Racer Unbounded - Limited Edition (PS3)

5 of 7 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A GAME BY ANY OTHER NAME..., 7 April 2012
Well it's been a year of controversy for the games industry so far aint it; EA get voted worst company of the year, we've got people rising up in a rage over the ending to the mass effect trilogy, I personally was happy with the green ending and am more concerned over being fisted by Cameron and his constituency at every turn, but that's small potatoes compared to Ridge Racer turning all Burn Out and having a control system you have to learn! Holy hell people what's happening to the world! Well enough of the social commentary and on with the review.

THE GOOD:

- Graphically its all in order and gone are the clean, but ultimately lifeless, highways of the original ridge racer which are now practically bursting with grime, graffiti and endless environs worthy of the most prolific street walker.
- The soundtrack has also been grunged up a touch with more crunchy techno beats rather than the squeaky-clean, j-techno, tripe of the past entries.
- Smashing everything in your path makes you feel all mighty and stuff and is accompanied by some sweet and thunderous sound fx.
- The different modes on offer are a blast and i do so dig the tidy twist on the usual time trial mode.
- the control system is epic once you assimilate and get all zen on it. Get in the zone, stop expecting games to fit the usual treads and cater to you, and your need to unlock trophies for every little action, or go play the latest copy-and-paste FPS.
- There's a ton to do and even more to truly master.

THE BAD:

- To counter my rather snippy remark up there i must say that this could have had another name bunged on it, it didn't have to be ridge racer because other than being driftastical and having big bold car models it aint a RR, but I applaud any series that takes a big chance to do something new with its premise...then again its a bit like burnout and split seconds premise too....
- That Skrillex song repeats way too much, but hey it beats the new SSX soundtrack any day of the year.
- No tutorials would inevitably make people cry when the controls are so tight.
- The mixed reviews from users are cramping the online communities growth a little, but good reviews from most sites are making sure people are at least on there.
- a lot of the destructive "shortcuts" wont put you ahead of the pack but they do give you points i suppose...and they look spiffy too.

THE UGLY TRUTH:
It's a good game, but it's a game by any other name - I cant help but feel that if it didn't have a well known brand plastered across it people would be more accepting. As for the controls; just get used to them or play something else, it couldn't be simpler really and although the controls are a bit different they are tight and with a bit of time you'll be rocking them; add to that great graphics and destructive elements that are a blast and you're onto a winner.


Crazy Guy With Super Kung Fu (DVD) [1979]
Crazy Guy With Super Kung Fu (DVD) [1979]
Dvd ~ Yi-Min Li

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Silly Sausage of a Slap Fest, 30 Oct. 2011
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Boy this is gonna be a tough one to review - with my serious head on this is a load of bleedin' tosh, but that side of me that loves to pee my pants with glee at a right rubbish dub and some cultural references that just seem plain bonkers without any explanation has to say: CGWSKF had me giggling from the get-go like a mental monkey hopped up on goofballs. So i'm gonna take off a star for that serious side of me (who admittedly likes his martial arts a bit more serious), but feel free to put that bad boy right back on if you just dig a lot of your kung fu for the humour.

THE HIGH KICKS:

(+) Gender confusion and 70's un-P.C. raging Nancys have never been so much fun. The brothel owner is just pure genius.
(+) The story is a lot less average than your average Kung Fu film but still has enough of the trapping and charm that we all look for to keep us comfortable.
(+)There is some really inventive (if not massively cohesive) choreography on display and the odd time it's complexity truly out does the preconceptions brought on its vehicle movie.
(+) Crazy tramp army: One word: Champion.
(+) As camp as a row of tents: Take every carry on film you've ever seen, cook them all up then shoot them straight into your brain: now you're getting close to the heady heights of campery on offer.
(+) Dubbed by folks who were truly in on the joke.

THE LOW BLOWS:

(-) I have to agree with the last reviewer in saying that Vengeance Video's basic as hell, encore nightmare, DVD menus look like they've been chasing parked cars. Oh so very ugly. Like a bucket of smashed crabs. Give me a bell guys I'm a graphic artist and will cook you some up for free in ten minutes that look better than this.
(-) Some of the fighting looks more than a little wooden and often they seem to touch on weak little dances at times rather than martial arts choreography.
(-) There was a stabbing at one point that felt a little bit nasty and out of place and actually took aback amongst all the fun. Small point but there it is.
(-) Characters pop in and out with little rhyme or reason...but then again this could be a good point depending on how you look at it.
(-) This point is only for those of you who prefer your kung fu more serious: this film is as daft as a pocket full of crispy goblins. At no point does it really work on any serious level.

THE FINAL FIGHT:
Mighty silly stuff indeed so for those of you who love your daft dubs and you're so-bad-they're-good movies then this will tickle you pink and possibly purple, however If you want to watch some actual skilled silliness then go for some Jackie Chan, and if you want something with substance then steer clear: I could not be clearer than that.


Bloody Fists [DVD]
Bloody Fists [DVD]
Dvd ~ Chang Sing
Offered by JB's CDs DVDs
Price: £1.80

2.0 out of 5 stars A Brutally Bland Basher..., 30 Oct. 2011
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
This review is from: Bloody Fists [DVD] (DVD)
Those naughty kung-fu-film-Japanese-stereotypes are up to it again: Trying to rob a poor village's stock of plague curing dragon herb while generally punching, decapitating and raping their way to the spoils...oh dear.

THE HIGH KICKS:

(+) Plenty of fighting to be had.
(+) Half decent action direction from a very early Yuen Woo Ping.
(+) The brutality is scaled right up to 12 so if you like it rough, you filthy beggar, then this just may be the badger for you.
(+) A few wry giggles to be had by way of the dub.
(+) A decent enough transfer.

THE LOW BLOWS:

(- The action may be frequent, brutal and directed with at least a small degree of panache but it's as bland as a boiled potato. There are no real stand-out fights unless they're punctuated by a hand piercing a chest or an eye getting a good gouging.
(-) some of the fights are actually so long winded I found myself feeling a bit lobotomised - put this hand in hand with the above point and you're onto a bit of a stinker.
(-) The dubbing is funny at times and that is about the high point of the whole wretched affair - the voice actors are so monotonous they often border on flatline.
(-) The script is truly dire and obvious: "I have a bad feeling the Japanese are going to do something bad" two seconds later here come the cartoon brutes to rape your sister and decapitate your uncle. Sigh.
(-) One of the scenes is shot in faux darkness and renders the whole scene completely murky pointless, and it ain't exactly a short one.
(-) The Heroes signiature of combing his hair then snapping the comb in a rage is preposterous.

THE FINAL FIGHT:

It's a film that nearly rivals the likes of The Street Fighter for bloody brutality, but unlike Chiba's skull puncturing masterpiece there is a total lack of attitude, pacing or cool. What we're left with is a rather ill natured feeling affair that could have been better directed if it was handed over to a rabid gibbon with cataracts. If you like your action thick, fast and totally tasteless then you may be onto a winner with this dump, but for the rest of us there are infinitely better fu-flicks out there.


The Fist Kicks And The Evils [DVD]
The Fist Kicks And The Evils [DVD]
Dvd ~ Phillip Ko

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Vacuously Entertaining Bit of Kung Fu Fluff!, 27 Oct. 2011
Verified Purchase(What is this?)
Bad guys move in and start an extortion racket, uppity doctor's son (Bruce Leung) gets annoyed that his secret kung fu master daddy won't sort them out, trouble ensues, everyone dies, uppity doctor's son learns crane style kung fu so he can seek revenge. So there's the story out of the way; yeah not exactly brimming with complexity but this is 70s kung fu not.....something...complex (unlike this review, ahem). So above and beyond the limp story what's the score? Well here's a breakdown for ease of perusal! Hurrah!

THE HIGH KICKS:
(+) Some interesting and complex choreography.
(+) Often there's a touch of humour injected into the fight scenes that usually ain't my bag but it works here and there with the overall tone of the film.
(+) The styles used throughout are well represented.
(+) It's easy to watch and flows over you with minimal effort - just plop your brain on the sofa next to you and watch the whole affair with a disturbingly dribbley grin.
(+) I'm a sucker for training sequences and there are some rather decent ones on display here.
(+)The dubbing on some of the henchmen is priceless.

THE LOW BLOWS:
(-)Our protagonist, Bruce Leung, hams this one right up and at points you just wish he'd just sod off. It's not big and it's not funny, Bruce, you turtle.
(-) Some of the dubbing may be funny but some of it is gratingly bad, small point because it comes with the territory, I know, but my point still stands.
(-) Some of the talent don't get to show off their skills enough, the grocers daughter for example. Ho-hum.

THE FINAL FIGHT:
A mindless fu-fest with oodles of cheese and a wafer thin plot, but what it lacks in technical prowess it more than makes up for with charm. There's something totally lovable about this little monster and if I knew what it was I'd bottle it - just don't go in expecting high art and you'll have a right good time!


Madballs Sick Series 2 (Net Bag)
Madballs Sick Series 2 (Net Bag)

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars SIGH...., 8 Jun. 2011
I remeber how wicked these beasts where back in the day so I got some for my son, and sure the modelling on these ones are still cool but they look like they where painted by a gang of rabid chimps with colour-blindness. Sad, i've contacted the actual company, art asylum, to try and get some answers on how exactly these efforts could be produced so badly but I have yet to hear back. This is far from the return of the Madballs all us retro fans where looking for. shame.


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