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Mr. N. R. Cooper (Lower Browning, Littlehampton UK)

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Dream Dictionary: An A to Z Guide to Understanding Your Unconscious Mind
Dream Dictionary: An A to Z Guide to Understanding Your Unconscious Mind
by Tony Crisp
Edition: Mass Market Paperback
Price: £6.20

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Just dreamy, 7 Oct. 2011
Yeah, this book is good, really good. I've been finding stuff out about myself that I never new.
Like I had this other dream right? I was in the middle of the amazonian rainforest, deep in the lush canopy and I was searching for a scotch egg or something when all of a sudden that Beyonce Knowles off the telly turns up - wearing a green vest, khaki shorts and a pith helmet.

Then this snake was there too, slithering out from the undergrowth. All slithery and snakelike and I noticed that it was singing in a soothing voice...
"it's all because of youhoo, I'm feeling sad and bloohoo, since you took your love away from me".
It was clear that even within the dream there was something special, otherworldly even, about this snake and if I could only catch it I would instantly become rich and famous beyond compare.
"Snake", I shouted "Quick. Grab the singing snake".

We moved in as one; I began to shudder and gyrate in a hypnotic, mesmerising fashion - stealing the snakes attention as Beyonce reached round into her backpack and retrieved a large hessian sack, which she threw to me and instructed me to hold open.
In one startling move, she leapt at the stupefied snake, grasping it firmly by the neck (or tail, hard to tell it all happened so quickly) and firmly straightened it out before roughly flinging it into the sack.
Then it was raining and I woke up.

Turns out that this is a textbook example of the mind trying to let me know that I have a hitherto unnoticed irrational fear of aubergines and brazil nuts. Certainly makes life a lot easier now.
Impressive book.

The Dreamer's Dictionary: Understand the Deeper Meanings of Your Dreams
The Dreamer's Dictionary: Understand the Deeper Meanings of Your Dreams
by Lady Stearn Robinson
Edition: Paperback
Price: £8.99

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic insight into your own mind, 7 Oct. 2011
Yeah, this book is good, really good. I've been finding stuff out about myself that I never new.

Like I had this dream right? and Bob Carolgees was in it and we were both in the wine cellar of this great big creaky Spanish villa. There was a lot of dark wood and overhanging cables down there and for some reason that was never made clear we had to get a great big oak casket full of extra virgin oil out of the cellar and up into the cool terracota-tiled kitchen at the rear of the villa. We struggled for ages and ages, he grabbing one end and I the other - not helped by the sweltering heat or the loose cork stopper in the casket (and the resulting trickle of oil, making it very difficult to gain purchase) Finally, we managed to manhandle the casket up onto the edge of a nearby table and then roughly roll it onto Bob's hairy back, before attempting the ascent up the narrow stairway.

This was quite the difficult task but somehow, with Bob manfully taking the weight and myself pushing hard from behind, we made it to the top - only for Bob to trip over the last step. Catastrophe!
He fell forward onto his ample moustache and I stumbled into him. The casket slipped from our combined grasp, cracking loudly against the door frame and knocking the iron band clear off the top.
Thick oil began to pour out everywhere...
Then I woke up.

Apparently, this is all very significant and proves that I have a hitherto unaddressed anxiety about communicating with people I subconsciously feel morally superior too. Very useful to know.

Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street [2 Disc] [DVD] [2007]
Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street [2 Disc] [DVD] [2007]
Dvd ~ Johnny Depp
Price: £2.97

0 of 7 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Singing Goths? No Thank You, 14 July 2009
i watched Sweeney Todd last night.
Singing Goths isn't on my check list of film necessities

in the interests of not wasting any more of my precious lounging time on anymore nonsense films i've drawn up a check list of minimum requirements for me - and in a wider sense the average discerning viewer - to enjoy a film.

ideally, this list would be displayed in table form on the back of every future dvd release...

2 - Banjo-soundtracked Car chases (at a push I can lose the soundtrack but in my head i'll still be imagining the twanging of a banjo string or two)
3 - The Dead Brought Back to Life (I'm realistic enough to accept that there can't be zombies in every film, so i will accept resuscitations, defibrillators, ancient curses and adrenaline shots)
4 - Boobs, Jiggling (there has to be movement)
5 - Close ups of guns being cocked (nothing gay - not that there's anything wrong with that sort of thing - about that, plus number 4 proves that I'm not)
6 - Jumping from one roof onto another roof and then onto another roof in one shot (jumping from one roof only to grasp onto the ledge of another roof just doesn't cut it for me anymore)
7 - A plot that someone's taken some time and care over (unless you up the explosion quota)
8 - Unseen Evil (lurking in the shadows, not dancing about to fitness videos or constructing ironic deaths in some sort of gimmicky mask)
9 - Murderous Monkeys (unless its explained away as their rage at the destruction of their natural habitat - stuff that, I want an angry spider monkey battering someone with a frying pan just cos he can)
10 - Someone getting battered with a frying pan

I'll be happy with any two of these boxes ticked
I'll also instantly watch any film - no matter how rubbish - if its got; Zombies, Sharks, Ninjas or is a documentary about 80s hair metal

Things I definitely don't want in a film are;

1 - Singing Goths
2 - Oppressive Finnish Landscapes
3 - Joyless Arty Humping
4 - the words "soundtrack available on Def Jam Records" (unless its before 1994)
5 - Dwarves (not little people, but the small warty vikingy axe carrying sort - and definitely no elves)
6 - Main protagonists with one syllable names (John McLane, Jack Burton, John Matrix, Snake Plisken - them's all proper names)
7 - Action heroes in their 50s (except Bruce Willis)
8 - Camp Robots (i know, one exception - though it may have been different if it wasn't part of my childhood, can't start re-evaluating Battle of the Planets now)
9 - Actresses playing the mother of an actor who is older than them (except for drunken master 2)
10 - Multiple Roles in a comedy (professor klump and buddy luv excluded - but not the rest of the klumps)

lets not let this happen to me again
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Mar 11, 2010 8:02 AM GMT

The Fame
The Fame
Price: £3.57

3 of 12 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Follow up LP already in the pipe, 1 April 2009
This review is from: The Fame (Audio CD)
An insider from Polydor has leaked the proposed track list for the November release of Lady Gaga's forthcoming 2nd Lp "A Punch in The Clown Face"

1. (All Up In My) Rear Front Bottom ft Killer Mike & Gary Clail
2. Hairy Musket
3. Strictly Dan Stuckie
4. A Punch In The Clown Face
5. (Do U Wanna Touch) My Baby Rat ft Chris Brown & Will I Am
6. Acknicolous Precision
7. Ahhh Scrape It!
8. Like Colt Severs ft Little Sister & A-Track
9. Against The Wall (Aquaboard)
10. Filthier Than A Council Van
11. Acting Sensuous with A Sunkist ft Godfather Don from The Office
12. Monkeys versus Donkeys
13. Rinse Your Squirrel
14. Like Bob Carolgees (Toddla T UK Mix) **UK Bonus
15. The Last Mimsy ft Tinchy Strider, Bearman & Darren **UK Bonus

Looks like a good 'un.

Dim-Mak: Death Point Striking
Dim-Mak: Death Point Striking
by Erle Montaigue
Edition: Paperback
Price: £21.19

1 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Death Dealing Digits, 31 Mar. 2009
This is thee most captivating and informative, and deadly book, I have ever read.

As a youngster I used to be a cowering victim, a timid wee thing - running to and clinging to the skirts of my burly Auntie Cyril whenever danger came a-knocking on the mean streets of Littlehampton.

Sure Auntie Cyril would protect me, wading in with her meaty fists, head butting all comers like an epileptic goat with a chip on its shoulder and flinging the still quivering heaps that used to be her opponents into the nearest skip, but where did that leave me?

Still cowering. Still clutching at voluminous floral patterned skirts

So I decided, long ago, never to walk in Aunt Cyril's shadow again.

I was gonna go for self; learn how to take a fool down to Chinatown.
Split an adversary down to follicles and molecules.

And this was the book that taught me.

Like you I thought that Godley and Crème were just some dull musos with swappable faces.
Turns out I was wrong.

Turns out that Kevin Godley is an expert beardy ninja assassin and Lol Crème is an expert in the ancient Japanese Crab Fist (and also a cryptic reply on instant messenger) - it's also worth trying to get hold of a copy of his long out of print instruction manual "Pincer! Want Some? Come Get Some!"

Dim-Mak : Death Point Striking is fantastic.

Simple to follow, a different death touch in every chapter and some fantastic illustrations with blood flying about all over the place.

So succinct and easy-to-follow that the postman was the first to cop it - with the traditional straight forward "Variety-Free Death Blow".
Couple of minutes to get to chapter two and blaow their goes the neighbour with a "Kangaroo Throat Pop".
Another minute or two and I had turned the cat inside out with the "Old Lady Back Scraper" and I felt ready to head off to the wrong side of the tracks (Upper Browning) and begun dealing death to all and sundry.

I have sinced researched, developed, employed and perfected my own death touch - the "Bob Carolgees Fist"
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Dec 29, 2010 10:52 PM GMT

Draper 40418 Jumbo Sponge
Draper 40418 Jumbo Sponge
Price: £3.72

34 of 37 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Hey! Nice Sponge - really nice., 25 Mar. 2009
Now THIS is a sponge.

Quite a step up from the Draper 40417.

Although the 40417 was a good solid sponge it was, it has to be said, rather lacking in features.

Draper have rectified all of that with this startling update of their classic sponge.

Not just a lazy retread with a couple of desultory bells and halfarsed whistles, this is a complete reboot.
They've stripped the very concept of the jumbo sponge right back to the fundamentals.

It's yellow, it's got air in it and it's shaped for easy gripping with bare hands (gloves are no longer a necessity) yes this is all true, but the 40418 comes equipped with some pretty nifty bleeding edge technology.

Primarily, the 40418 uses a fascinating new process called "absorption" to "soak-up" your choice of "liquid". The sponge then "retains" the "liquid" until you "decide" to "squeeze it out".


And quite the bargain too, given that it comes with -free of charge, entirely gratis -shrink wrap and a label.

A perfect gift for your colleagues and loved ones.
Comment Comments (3) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Dec 1, 2012 9:32 PM GMT

1001 Facts About Sharks (Backpack Books)
1001 Facts About Sharks (Backpack Books)
by Joyce Pope
Edition: Paperback

5.0 out of 5 stars Let a Shark Into Your Heart, 10 Feb. 2009
1001 Facts About Sharks by Brian Hunter-Smart is a truly informative and enlightening book.

I love sharks me. I love sharks so much I've recently ordered an actual Mako skeleton off EBay to go in our dining room. Should be here any day now.

So many facts in this book, such as;
- the ocean floor is littered with gold rope chains because the thresher shark is so stupid it doesn't realise that it needs a neck to keep them in place
- the Zambezi Bull Shark has very poor vision because it insists on wearing a pair of its pants over its head
- although conventional wisdom has it that the great white has the cold dead eyes of a killer, it actually has the cheeky twinkling eyes of little larrikan Louis Carpenter off of Neighbours
- in private conversation, the nurse shark is a foul-mouthed racist harridan
- the hammerhead shark is so ugly that the council's environmental services came round and closed its curtains

lovely book about a lovely animal

Well worth every penny.

PS If you like this book I can also heartily recommend 1001 Facts about Sharks (DK Backpack Books) by Joyce Pope

No Title Available

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars indispensable, 10 Feb. 2009
Ever goaded a gorilla with a sponge?
Signed up for a cut price bungee jump in a disused quarry?
Married into the mob and then started to knock your partner about?
Took a wee on a pylon?
or had a drink from my Uncle Xavier's special bottle?

If you have done and you're still reading this. Well done - you're a very lucky person.
But luck runs out and then where wil you be? Hey?
Concreted into the bottom of a disused quarry with a wet sponge in your ear and the afertaste of wet dog, petrol and wheat crunchies - that's where.

Yes mate, luck runs out.
And if you do intend to keep shaking your dice in the face of destiny, then I'd like to point you in the direction of this fantastic ancient amulet from the land of the fabled pixie.
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Jul 19, 2012 1:28 PM BST

1001 Facts about Sharks (DK Backpack Books)
1001 Facts about Sharks (DK Backpack Books)
by Joyce Pope
Edition: Paperback

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Sharks Almighty!, 9 Feb. 2009
1001 Facts About Sharks by Joyce Pope is a truly enlightening and informative book.

I pride myself as a shark-fancier and thought I knew all there was to know about these ocean-bound mammals.
Turns out I know nothing - bupkis in fact.

Like for instance; did you know?
- despite its name the Lemon Shark actually tastes remarkably like chicken
- although the Manta Ray is a close relation of the shark they no longer exchange Christmas cards
- for authenticity, in the blockbuster movie A Shark in Venice a real life big white shark was used, but all of its teeth were surgically removed with a big stick and replaced with rubber "CGI" ones - the same was done with Stephen Baldwin's forearms
- the Japanese Goblin Shark used to be a very handsome shark but was prone to clowning about and showing off. One day, whilst it was pulling a face at a school of tench, the current changed and its features were stuck like that for all eternity - all of it
- the Wobbegong shark of Australia is made up - no one has ever actually seen one (much like unicorns, manticores and gnus)

This book is stuffed up the wazoo with shark facts (1001 in fact) and also has a number of pictures, many of them in crayon.

Well worth the money.

PS If you like this book I can also heartily recommend 1001 Facts About Sharks by DK

The Art of Promoting the Growth of the Cucumber and Melon: In a Series of Directions for the Best Means to Be Adopted in Bringing Them to a Complete State of Perfection (1824)
The Art of Promoting the Growth of the Cucumber and Melon: In a Series of Directions for the Best Means to Be Adopted in Bringing Them to a Complete State of Perfection (1824)
by Thomas Watkins
Edition: Paperback
Price: £14.95

4.0 out of 5 stars A very good book - if, despite its title, a little on the short side, 6 Feb. 2009
excerpt from page one...

"stick some seeds in the ground, water them every now and again and when they get bigger, get some of that twisty wire stuff and tie them onto some sticks or something - couple of weeks later you'll get cucumbers growing downwards or you can leave them a bit longer until they turn into melons. blaow, THE END"

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