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Cthulu's Trilby

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Farming Simulator 15 (PC)
Farming Simulator 15 (PC)
Offered by Click For Games UK
Price: £9.99

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Farming Amazing, 8 April 2015
If you, like me, are a serious sufferer of hay-fever, then you, like me, will have been unable hitherto to experience the thrill of wheat. Granted there are some fine documentaries around which detail the wonders of cereal crops: Rye Are We Here?, To Whom It Maize Concern and the perennially popular Barley Legal are all available on DVD through this very website. But to feel the wonder of walking through fields of abundant golden bounty? Why, it's enough to make this vicarious son of the soil fairly burst with joy.

If i have one small criticism it's that I would have liked a mission which involved driving my tractor very, very slowly down a narrow lane as an increasingly irritated line of traffic built up behind me, but possibly there's some DLC to come...

Yacht Rock
Yacht Rock
Offered by mrtopseller
Price: £9.99

15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars By His grace we recovered the poor lad's battered corpse and gave him the last rites, 9 Feb. 2015
This review is from: Yacht Rock (Audio CD)
Four score and seven days we'd been adrift on the fickle ocean - nothing but ships biscuits and brackish rain water for the main share of it and that all gone now. The whale had returned in the night with murder in his heart. Had it not been for Perkins' sacrifice I fear I would not be writing this now - God rest his soul. By His grace we recovered the poor lad's battered corpse and gave him the last rites. 'Fetch the CD', the captain had said, 'fetch me down Yacht Rock and play it for this worthy soul'.

The soft strains of Chicago drifted out on the morning breeze: 'If you leave me now, you take a way the biggest part of me...'

As one, sixteen burly seamen echoed '...oooooo no, baby please don't go...'

I admit no shame but I shed a tear at that.

'Crack open the last cask of urine', the captain cried as the curiously apt 'Take The Long Way Home' came on the stereo. By the time Average White Band's 'Let's Go Round Again began, we were all ready to do just that

[This review was found scrawled on a piece of driftwood off the coast of Madagascar.].
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Apr 1, 2015 12:22 PM BST

2014 FIFA World Cup Panini Sticker Pack CDU (100 packs)
2014 FIFA World Cup Panini Sticker Pack CDU (100 packs)

23 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Small boys in the park..., 4 Jun. 2014
...jumpers for goalposts. Three and in! I'll swap you three Glenn Hoddles and a Peter beardsley for a shiny. Isn't it? Marvellous.

Smiffy's Inflatable Tommy Gun, 75 cm - Black
Smiffy's Inflatable Tommy Gun, 75 cm - Black
Offered by Time to Party
Price: £2.35

21 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A rube born every minute., 13 May 2014
Me and Mickey the Wrench had a pretty sweet deal going chiselling grifters over on the East Side. Then Mickey introduces me to Carnival Pete. Pete says he knows of a big mark - some butter and egg chump from outta town: strictly a low risk initiative. Trouble is we need some Roscoes and quick. Mickey says he knows some link on Amazon can sort us out, next day delivery and everything.

Next day dawns and I pin my diapers on and pick up the letters. What's this? I open the box and see two coffee-and-doughnut inflatable gats! This puts us behind the eightball viz a vis the sting. I aint intending to blow nobody down but I don't need no guns you gotta blow up neither.

I try to call Pete, but Pete's already in the crate on his way over, Mickey too, and this is the 50's so we don't got cell phones. We're in Dutch...and deep. By the time Mickey and Pete arrive we don't got time to change the plan so we all hop in Pete's heap and head over to the docks.

I aint gonna lie to you. This aint one of your dime-store-book happy endings here. Our mark aint the sap Pete says he was. Soon as we arrive he starts squirting metal. Me, Pete and Mickey are hunkered down shouting "pew pew" but it aint effective and pretty soon we're taking the run-out. The whole thing's a trip for biscuits.
Long and short these gats aint for serious business.

Thai Fishermans Trousers Pants & Shorts - Cotton Blend
Thai Fishermans Trousers Pants & Shorts - Cotton Blend
Offered by ThaiUK
Price: £11.99

5 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Very Practical, 22 April 2014
On the advice of my school's careers adviser I've been fishing the waters of Ko Samui for nigh on twenty years now. Twenty years before the tiller...why, it seems just yesterday...

...Anyway, to begin with I wore a three-piece suit. The waistcoat was a handy place to keep bits of tackle and the ensemble was smart and gave a great first impression but was a little hot and chafed when wet. For an ill-fated time I wore a man-kini and then a pair of Flinstones-themed pyjama bottoms I found beside a road. The latter resulted in much ridicule from my fishing piers...I mean peers...and it was whilst they were rolling around on the foreshore laughing at my unfortunate attire that I noticed how flexible and yet stylish their own trousers were. I immediately ordered five pairs and have never looked back (although that has much to do with the over-starched collars of the evening shirts I've taken to wearing - they really compliment the trousers).
Comment Comment (1) | Permalink | Most recent comment: Oct 21, 2014 5:27 PM BST

The Da Vinci Code: (Robert Langdon Book 2)
The Da Vinci Code: (Robert Langdon Book 2)
Price: £4.99

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Da Vinci Cod, 21 Mar. 2014
Well...where to start? I'm sure we're all familiar with the story by now - a North Sea cod called Stanley Cruickshank finds a submerged shipping container full of Mona Lisa keyrings and embarks on a heartwarming odyssey to become the first of his kind to become a great artist and inventor. I won't be giving too much away if I mention a few of the obstacles he has to overcome: how to get oil paint to stay on a canvas, or indeed dry, underwater; the total lack of interest or anything but the most rudimentary intelligence (let alone art appreciation) amongst his scaled brethren; and his inability to grip a paintbrush between his fins. His struggles to reach the unreachable star had me gripped from start to finish.

What impressed me most was the way the author made me root for his aquatic protagonist. I mean...we're from very different worlds. I'm predominantly land-based for starters. But through the fish-eyed lens of Cruickshank I came again to look within myself and realise that in a way, I too had fins (self-imposed limits) and I too was surrounded by dead-eyed, unintelligent shoals of shiny, scaly idiots (idiots...everywhere...wall-to-wall idiots).

Read it. You'll never look at a fish finger the same way again.

Deliverance from Triangular Powers
Deliverance from Triangular Powers
Price: £3.17

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars We're all equilaterally worthless in the eyes of the Tricorn Powers, 20 Mar. 2014
For three thousand years now we of the Order of the Radiant Radius have stood guard against the hated Triangular Powers. But we have grown weak and man has become debased on a diet of nachos and toast - snacks with a hypotenuse. WAKE UP PEOPLE! Snap out of your reverie and recognise the signs. No longer do we see the soft curves of the oblate spheroid or the oval; witness the proliferation of acute angles...witness, if you will, the sines.

Would you live in a world where 180 degrees is considered enough for the sum of the internal angles? Neither would I. The time to fight back is now.

No Title Available

14 of 15 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Musical Nirvana, 18 Jun. 2013
I've noticed a measure of unhelpful mockery creeping into the reviews for this item and whilst it's no doubt hilarious, I don't think it's really fair on the small-time vendors trying to offload these items at the lowest possible price. In order to re-dress the situation allow me to relate my own experience:

I received one end of my new cables on Tuesday. Being nine miles long the other end of the cables was still leaving the depot at this point on a specially-devised trolley. As I'd had a couple of days off I'd taken the time to re-position my stereo in the living room and the speakers approximately 7 miles away in a field whose situation makes maximum advantage of the evening sun. The remaining 2 miles allowed me to negotiate the sofa, a small copse and a footbridge over the A303.

The sound quality was excellent but spoiled somewhat by a playful brook - not the cables' fault. Once I receive my satellite remote control (£67,000) I'll be able to listen to my favourite tunes anywhere within a nine mile radius of my house without the trouble of untangling awkward headphones or draining my phone battery.

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