....There was chaos in the North-East of England today, as torrential rain caused flooding on a biblical scale. We're now going over to our reporter on the scene :
Reporter - " I'm outside the home of a retired shipyard worker who happens to be five hundred years old. Apparently he's been well prepared for the extreme conditions....So what exactly are you doing here?"
Pensioner - " I'm building a ship with my bare hands, using local raw materials, that will house whippets, pigeons, everything, you name it. "
Reporter - " You seem to be well prepared."
Pensioner - "Well this big bearded bloke said so. Does the weather forecast for the Evening Chronicle...and people have been reading the Chronicle for thousands of years you know. So it must be true!"