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Joke of the Day

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Showing 1-25 of 108 posts in this discussion
Initial post: 25 Nov 2013, 07:40:09 GMT
J.B. Taylor says:
I saw this thread in the U.S. so I thought I would bring it across the pond. This is a forum for all to post their best jokes. They can be clean or dirty, it doesn't matter, but just don't cross that common sense line and put up something highly offensive. None of us need or want that.

Have fun and enjoy the jokes.

Posted on 25 Nov 2013, 07:40:49 GMT
J.B. Taylor says:
I'll start us off...

This is a dirty joke. Hope you guys, and ladies don't mind.

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Dang, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

Posted on 27 Nov 2013, 12:31:37 GMT
kinjoking says:
sperm whale walks into a bar;

bar tendor says: your not coming in here mate

Posted on 27 Nov 2013, 14:48:42 GMT
J.B. Taylor says:
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Posted on 28 Nov 2013, 06:39:40 GMT
J.B. Taylor says:
If this is too vulgar let me know and I'll take it down.

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Posted on 28 Nov 2013, 09:25:24 GMT
kinjoking says:
why dont blondes get a lunchbreak?

it takes too long to retrain them.

Posted on 28 Nov 2013, 14:55:18 GMT
Last edited by the author on 28 Nov 2013, 14:56:35 GMT
oracle says:
You should have looked on the UK site then, I created one of these 3 years ago. :-) It was so popular it exceeded its thread reply limit. The new thread is "Tell us another joke to cheer us all up". Get on board.

Posted on 29 Nov 2013, 14:25:42 GMT
wife asks husband how does tube lights work.....reply by husband gas....wife shouts out NO thats another bill

In reply to an earlier post on 29 Nov 2013, 17:04:46 GMT
How do tube lights work,
How does a tube light work

Posted on 30 Nov 2013, 10:51:02 GMT
J.B. Taylor says:
A woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, "You are back early, what's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee!" she said. "Where?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole." she replied. He nodded and said, "Your stance is far too wide."

Posted on 1 Dec 2013, 00:07:55 GMT
wobberoo says:
David Cameron.

Posted on 1 Dec 2013, 16:32:16 GMT
pammywams says:
What do you do if you see a herd of elephants coming over the hill?...swim for it!

Posted on 30 Dec 2013, 19:43:20 GMT
lyn says:
why did the tightrope walker go to the bank?
to check his balance

In reply to an earlier post on 30 Dec 2013, 19:45:47 GMT
lyn says:
ha ha

Posted on 31 Dec 2013, 06:32:25 GMT
J.B. Taylor says:
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

Posted on 31 Dec 2013, 06:32:56 GMT
J.B. Taylor says:
Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?
A: A private tooter.

In reply to an earlier post on 1 Jan 2014, 20:56:59 GMT
Chapo says:
Zzzzzzzzzz very funny

Posted on 17 May 2014, 08:59:49 BST
Oddsocks says:
whats the difference between light and hard?.....you can sleep with a light on.

Posted on 2 Jun 2014, 14:58:27 BST
Bauer says:
The Lone Ranger is ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ,
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request '

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse. "
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits
he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request "
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request "
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, , alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen Very Carefully !!!!




Posted on 2 Jun 2014, 15:38:22 BST
What do you call a blonde bird?
A swallow!

In reply to an earlier post on 2 Jun 2014, 15:44:46 BST
Bauer says:
Why did the blonde take a piece of sand paper in to the Desert ?

She thought it was a map!

In reply to an earlier post on 2 Jun 2014, 15:49:53 BST
Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest t*** in the third grade?
A: Because she's 21.

Posted on 3 Jun 2014, 11:30:09 BST
Scarlet Lady says:
Did you hear about the husband who bought a tube of lubricating jelly, saying he was really going to satisfy his wife?

He was right. She smeared it on the bedroom doorknob.

Posted on 3 Jun 2014, 11:38:03 BST
Scarlet Lady says:
Why do men need sports action replays 30 seconds after the event?

Because they've forgotten what happened.

In reply to an earlier post on 3 Jun 2014, 15:54:04 BST
"Why do men need sports action replays 30 seconds after the event?

Because they've forgotten what happened."

I am not ammused at your sexist joke, Miss scarlet (-.-)
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Discussion in:  fun discussion forum
Participants:  18
Total posts:  108
Initial post:  25 Nov 2013
Latest post:  7 Jul 2014

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