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Tell us a joke to cheer us all up.

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Posted on 9 May 2012, 20:59:08 BST
Veedub says:
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started cussing."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.

The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
...
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your sweet ass it won't be Cheerios!"

Posted on 9 May 2012, 22:51:07 BST
AdamD says:
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In reply to an earlier post on 10 May 2012, 07:50:27 BST
Viv says:
Yodel?

(How often has this line been used?)

Posted on 10 May 2012, 08:49:05 BST
M. Bright says:
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In reply to an earlier post on 10 May 2012, 09:22:56 BST
oracle says:
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In reply to an earlier post on 10 May 2012, 09:25:12 BST
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Posted on 10 May 2012, 18:14:46 BST
sam tm says:
A young bloke was in Asda and was worried because this old woman
kept following him and staring at him. Everytime he stopped, she would stop.
Once they got to the checkout, she finally over took him and said,
"I hope I haven't creeped you out love but you look so much like my late son"
"That's alright", he replied with a smile.
"I know this might seem a bit strange but as I walk out of the store, could you say
'Goodbye Mum'. It would make my day", the old woman asked.
She then went through the checkout and as she left the store, the young bloke shouted,
"Goodbye Mum"
The little woman waved and smiled back at him. He was chuffed that he'd made someone's day.
He then went to pay for his shopping.
The shop assistant said, "That'll be 122 quid"
"How come? I only bought 5 items", said the now confused bloke.
"Yeah but your mum told me that you'd be paying for her groceries too", the assistant replied.

Posted on 10 May 2012, 18:41:48 BST
A friend sent me a text saying that everytime he has sex he cries afterwards. I thought you big whimp, then I remembered he,s in prison.

Posted on 10 May 2012, 21:06:01 BST
Veedub says:
Mick Hucknell has been arrested after being caught having sex with a rabbit...
a police source said "he was holding back the ears and singing...bunnys to tight to mention"

In reply to an earlier post on 10 May 2012, 21:57:19 BST
Last edited by the author on 10 May 2012, 21:57:36 BST
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Posted on 11 May 2012, 11:44:18 BST
Gorwill says:
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Posted on 11 May 2012, 11:51:37 BST
Gorwill says:
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Posted on 11 May 2012, 13:11:42 BST
Mike Bradley says:
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In reply to an earlier post on 11 May 2012, 14:56:17 BST
Gorwill says:
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Posted on 11 May 2012, 15:17:38 BST
Mike Bradley says:
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two lumps of bread.

Posted on 11 May 2012, 15:22:08 BST
Mike Bradley says:
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In reply to an earlier post on 11 May 2012, 15:23:34 BST
Mike Bradley says:
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In reply to an earlier post on 11 May 2012, 15:28:04 BST
Mike Bradley says:
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Posted on 11 May 2012, 15:39:49 BST
Mike Bradley says:
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In reply to an earlier post on 11 May 2012, 15:46:26 BST
Last edited by the author on 11 May 2012, 15:47:19 BST
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Posted on 11 May 2012, 17:30:25 BST
sam tm says:
Bought my wife a new fridge for her birthday.

Should have seen the way her face lit up when she opened it.

Posted on 11 May 2012, 17:33:04 BST
sam tm says:
I've just stood and watched the wife do a twenty-seven point turn to turn the car around.

Why she couldn't just reverse out the garage is beyond me.

In reply to an earlier post on 11 May 2012, 20:24:35 BST
Tap on the Shoulder
Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford Station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."

The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab - I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."

Posted on 11 May 2012, 20:59:57 BST
Veedub says:
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

Posted on 11 May 2012, 22:15:53 BST
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