Shop now Shop now Shop now See more Shop all Amazon Fashion Cloud Drive Photos Shop now Learn More Shop now DIYED Shop now Shop Fire Shop Kindle Shop now Shop now Shop now
Customer Discussions > cooking discussion forum

smoking without fire


Sort: Oldest first | Newest first
Showing 26-50 of 65 posts in this discussion
In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 12:48:13 BDT
gille liath says:
So it seems...

Don't worry, I'm always thinking I'm going to 'meet' someone I know on here. Hasn't happened so far...

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 12:55:25 BDT
You know me though, don't you Gille?
I'm just a happy idiot! - and <*looks around forum*> I don't think I'm exactly unique in that on here!!!
Hee, hee, hee!!! ;o>

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 13:00:54 BDT
gille liath says:
As they say in Ireland: you're a Craughwell man, I've known ye all me life...

But what I want to know is: does anyone have the actual cookery expertise to help The Foe with his crumby problem?

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 13:11:59 BDT
HA HA HA!!!
"It's a long way to Tipperary" too - but I meet many a friend over here!!!
The Foe? - I've just posted on that! x

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 13:19:03 BDT
Scarlet Lady says:
Hey Honey

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 13:23:19 BDT
Hiyah Scarlet!
I wasn't even going to come online today! - It takes up too much time some days, doesn't it?!?!?!
The problem is, I have too little else to do! and you always feel like you are missing out on all the fun if you don't keep popping in!!! - Hee, hee, hee!!! :o>

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 13:25:26 BDT
Scarlet Lady says:
How you doing today?

Posted on 22 Jul 2012 13:25:55 BDT
Scarlet Lady says:
Have updated story on fiction

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 13:29:37 BDT
Fed up! - It's such an utterly, stunningly, beautiful day - and I'm stuck at home!!!.....(*sob*)
Do you think this could actually be Summer? - at last?!
How are you today? Keeping fine I hope, Poppet? - x

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 13:31:47 BDT
Last edited by the author on 23 Jul 2012 17:33:16 BDT
Just been reading,.......WOW!!!!!!!!!
Think I'll need a cold shower myself later!
You and French should really write a book!

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Jul 2012 14:05:47 BDT
Last edited by the author on 22 Jul 2012 14:07:40 BDT
Posted on 22 Jul 2012 13:52:35 BDT
Scarlet Lady says:
So - thought Sage and Chastity in unison Today was the day how could they fight the desire that flared between them - Teacher and Student wow not been there before - what could he teach her?..................

Now,.....I could be wrong on this one, Scarlet?......but I'm guessing it wasn't?............................................................

Everyone knows that the cold tap flows faster than the hot tap. You put the plug in the bath and turn on the HOT tap and fill to half-way; this takes 4 minutes. Then you take the plug out and the bath takes 2 minutes to empty. Next, you put the plug in the bath and turn on the COLD tap and fill to half-way; this takes only 3 minutes, because of the faster flow. Then you take the plug out and again the bath takes 2 minutes to empty.
How long would it take for the bath to fill if you turn on both taps and leave the plug out?

Posted on 23 Jul 2012 17:21:08 BDT
Frenchie says:
latest developments for those to lazy to pass by the Fiction forum:

pixie says:
She stretched and yawned..walked to the window and gazed out at the blue skyline. today would be the day, of that she had decided. Sage would succombe to her quiche and jam tarts..she knew that he was a sucker for pastry and if only she could cool her hands down she knew that he would be "pastry in her hands" the other girls really fancied their chances with sage but she'd seen the glint in his eye when she took her chelsea buns out of the oven...yes today would be the day.

French Bookworm ( in UK) says:
After a quick cold shower to wake her numbed senses, she choose her clothes carefully. Oh gosh, had she put some weight on? the buttons of her white cotton shirt were straining to keep closed and the zip of her jeans would not go up until she lay flat on the bed and kept her breath in. She admired her reflection in the mirror. Yes, she looked quite gorgeous, she thought modestly. Her dark hair was tumbling down her shoulders in lush curls and her eyes were as blue as a summer sky. She was happy. The world was her oyster. Grabbing her rucksack, she rushed outside. The morning was still young and she decided to walk to the Cooking Academy.

Scarlet Lady says:
Sage - stood under the cool water,the shower blasting cold water over his firm strong torso, Chastity - he thought she was ready for plucking he just hoped that the chickens had arrived -

Scarlet Lady says:
So - thought Sage and Chastity in unison Today was the day how could they fight the desire that flared between them - Teacher and Student wow not been there before - what could he teach her?

Scarlet Lady says:
She dressed with care - after all whats to wear when plucking chickens

Scarlet Lady says:
Chastity was nervous - how could she hide the passion she felt for sage just one look at his dancing eyes would have her core pooling...

R. Lacey says:
Sage had always appeared to be rather knowledgeable about most things, in fact you could say that when it came to cooking, he really knew his onions, (for bookworm's benefit, French of course).

Sorry! couldn't resist, having said that, I can't help feeling that I've walked into a little trap here and if this was QI on the telly all the lights would be flashing and the klaxons blaring.

like it lacey

Scarlet Lady says:
She stood - in anticipation - Sage was going to be a hard man to please but she was the woman to do the pleasing

R. Lacey says:
Sage looked at her intensely, he gazed into her eyes then slowly he allowed his intense gaze to wander slowly down her body, "Oh! Yes" thought Chastity, "He sure is a pleased hard man", the clue being in the funny stiff legged way he had started walking towards the freshly plucked chicken, he turned to face her "Chastity, do you fancy stuffing?",he asked

French Bookworm ( in UK) says:
Amalia and Anastasia, the tween (ugly) sisters, eyes narrowing, were spying on the scene unfolding in from of them, from the back of the kitchen. They exchanged knowing looks. If Sage was going to stuff anything first, it was going to be ''their'' chickens. And it was not a little tease like Chastity who was going to get in their way. She could have the leftovers. They moved in unison towards Sage.

(note: sorry guys, but we cannot have a good story without the baddies.
R. you are very good , you know)

Isabella says:
Sage caught sight of Amalia and Anastasia from the corner of his eye. The hungry expressions in their eyes had a sudden deflating effect on him and he made a hasty grab for the tea towel that was covering the sausages on the work surface. Exchanging disappointed glances, the sisters lunged forwards.

French Bookworm ( in UK) says:
Sage looked over Amalia and Anastasia and sighed. He had forgotten they would be in his group. They were anything but troublemakers. Last year, they managed to have one tutor suspended and another one sacked. The first one had mistakenly grabbed one of Anastasia b oobies thinking it was a capon ready to go into the oven and the second had fondled Amalia during an electricity cut, thinking he was stuffing a piglet. The girls had obviously enjoyed all the attention and made a big fuss , but Sage suspected that they were not innocent victims of misunderstandings. They were bad news.
Sage turned from Chastity and faced the sisters.'' Ladies, ladies, he said, what can I do for you?''

Isabella says:
They giggled in what they thought was a seductive manner, trying to flutter their eyelashes. Sadly the effect was wasted as they had tried to augment their own stubby lashes with false ones, applied so clumsily that they resembled caterpillars flapping in a breeze. Sage retreated a step and they followed. As he stepped back, he collided with Chastity who was standing against the wall. Sage's body immediately reacted to her soft warmth but catastrophically, he was facing Amalia and Anastasia and found himself sandwiched between the sweet object of his desire and the predatory twins

Scarlet Lady says:
Stage whisper (off on me holidays)

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 02:23:09 BDT
suzysunshine7 says:
Have a wonderful time, Poppet - X !

Crookedmouth says:
Oh! Has Scarlet left us? Shame. Anyway, at Frenchie's request...

"Ladies!" cried Sage, sternly "do you realise that wearing those false adornments is strictly against the rules in my kitchen? They could fall off while you're cooking and contaminate the food! Remove them at once!"

Amalia and Anastasia giggled once more and began to peel off their clothes.

"Good grief!" Thought Sage. They may be ugly but they have good bodies!" So, he let them get down to their underwear before crying "For heaven's sake, you dolts! I meant the false nails and eyelashes." Chagrinned, the two girls removed the offending articles and replaced their clothes, noticing as they did that their teacher had clearly taken some pleasure at the sight of their young, firm bodies.Chastity had also noticed Sage's eminence and she felt both aroused at the sight and annoyed that Sage was "pointing", not at her but at the ugly sisters. She wondered how she could turn the situation to her advantage...

suzysunshine7 says:
.....as she bit down savagely on the sausage roll that she had picked up from Greggs that morning to save time later.....

R. Lacey says:
"This is war" thought Chastity, she called to Sage using the most seductive voice that she could muster, "Such a shame that the chicken is already plucked, you and I could have had such a good time plucking together", then Chastity noticed that Sage was now "pointing" in the right direction.

French Bookworm ( in UK) says:

But Anastasia and Amalia were not easily defeated. They both took a chicken each and plonked it in front of Sage.
Amalia pouted : ''Sir, we also need help to pluck these chicken. It is very hard. Maybe if you hold my hand to show me right way''. Sage sighed and said ''no, I will show you how to do it, no need to hold your hand right now. You know, Academy rules. Come closer, then''.
Amalia shot a victorious look at Chastity and shot her a vile ''Teacher's pet, you? we'll see about this, skunkhead''. Chastity gasped but as Amalia had been very careful making sure Sage could not hear, there was nothing she could say or do. She just looked the other way, while Sage said ''ok, come now. Amalia, to my right. Anastasia, to my left''..

suzysunshine7 says:
.....and as Chastity wearily sighed and slowly turned away in resignation,.....utterly overwhelmed as the very final pieces of her fragile heart shattered into a million pieces,.....suddenly there came the words she had been longing to hear from Sage, from the very first moment that she set had her adoring eyes on him,..........."and as there is now no more room for Chastity? .....then you may sit here on my lap and gain first-hand experience of whatever might suddenly arise as I attempt to spatchcock your plucked chicken".....! ! !.....

and with a song in her heart, a lump in her throat, and the sound of waves crashing against the shore in her ears, she.......

French Bookworm ( in UK) says:
turned back all excited.
Amalia was fuming. How dare he? he had snubbed her by declining to hold her hand, pretending those stupid Academy rules of no physical interaction between Tutors and Students. The ... oh, no words could described what she felt. Humiliated, rejected. She glanced at her sister. She saw recognition there. Sage was going to pay for spurning her. The whole world would see that Hell hath no fury like an ugly twin sister scorned.
This time, it was Chastity's turn to shoot her a triumphant glance. The Olympic torch could not be have been brighter and burn with more intensity.
In the meantime, Sage was blissfully unaware of the ragging battles going on. Nor did he suspect that he was in the eye of the storm.

Posted on 23 Jul 2012 17:35:48 BDT
Frenchie says:
suzysunshine7 says:
...and now the Storm Forecast Summary for this evening and tonight.......

Remaining quite cloudy with hill fog,...arising from overcooked spatchcock chicken, especially in the North with further outbreaks of rain,...and tears before bedtime, becoming heavy and persistent over Catering College at times. Remaining bright, sunny and warm further South around Chastity.....with Amalia feeling distinctly dour and muggy later..................

But back to the story, folks!.............

French Bookworm ( in UK) says:
The radio was blazing in the Kitchen. Sage, surrounded by the three hotties , was listening half heartedly to the weather forecast. It did not sound good, but maybe he could turn it to his advantage, by asking Chastity if she wanted a lift, in the event of a downpour. Then maybe a quick detour by his place (the devious cad) if no one was watching...
In the meantime, Amalia was feeling definitely dour and muggy. Her looks alone would make the double cream go sour. She was plotting a revenge on Sage, and on this milksop of Chastity. Pffft... Chastity indeed. How many spotty teenagers she had kissed behind the bike shed in high school. While, her, Amalia, was the goody goody one (not by choice, though). But she had her heart set on Sage. By hook or by crook, he would be hers, and she would share with her sister.
It is not fair, she thought. Even an ugly evil tween sister has feelings.

Posted on 23 Jul 2012 17:38:33 BDT
Frenchie says:
HELP...
I have put myself in a pickle... I need help to devise a truly evil plot from the twins sisters. Something really... evilly disgusting.

I am not much of a baddie in life, even though I wish I was, so, I cannot think of anything that bad ... help please?

Posted on 23 Jul 2012 17:45:05 BDT
They could be lured into a Stintoto Trebostine Super Deluxe Frosty Freezer by Garth Crooks and given a lecture in Icelandic and Russ Abbott chances by and accidently moves the digits on the combination lock and falls asleep watching the Clangers, I think you can take it from there Frenchie.

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 17:49:23 BDT
Frenchie says:
Hmm, Stintoto, that actually sounds good. May I use the Trebostine super deluxe name too? you know, a bit of advertising does not hurt.

let me think of the plot now.... And have a hug too. **smiles**

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 17:52:22 BDT
Last edited by the author on 23 Jul 2012 17:52:41 BDT
YOU DAFT FRENCH BOBBIN!!!
You promised me full anonymity in return for keeping Scarlet's Thread going!!!
And now you have just outed me on my own forum!!! I am so dead when Sir finds out what I have been doing in office time instead of re-organising his filing system!!! Well, that's goodbye to my Christmas bonus this year then -
OHHHH, THANKS A LOT FRENCH!!!

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 18:02:16 BDT
Oh dear!!! - He's Standing Right Behind Me, Isn't He???......

GOTTA GO - BYEEEEEEEE!!!.......

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 18:03:25 BDT
Last edited by the author on 23 Jul 2012 18:04:27 BDT
Frenchie says:
I am so sorry, SuzyS. Please, don't Shout - I meant no harm.
I am glad you do not have this in your hand.
It is ok, I will keep Sir occupied ... I'll find a way. I shall sacrifice myself...While he looks away, I will wipe out your name from the thread.

I am hanging my head down in shame, I shall sit on the floor, pull my knees up and my arms around them, and sob uncontrollably ... I am going to go away, silently, and I shall close the door without noise, when I go. Then no one will ever know that I ever existed. I am going back on top of the sewing machine I escaped from. I wonder how you sussed me out (daft french bobbin).
oh the humiliation of being sent away in shame...

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 18:05:30 BDT
I thought all my filing and other shenanigins had been put on to an STD Card or something JUST WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON????????????????

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 18:05:44 BDT
Don't you dare!!!
I'm waiting for Mills & Boon to call me any minute and sign me up!!!

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 18:06:49 BDT
I thought you were on holiday...?...Sir...?...

Posted on 23 Jul 2012 18:09:04 BDT
No!! How do you think that the cooking forum got on to the leader board?

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 18:15:48 BDT
ME!!!
You peed everyone off!!! - I invited them!!!
Oh squirrels!! - this really is all my fault, isn't it???

In reply to an earlier post on 23 Jul 2012 18:18:55 BDT
Feel welcome but please mention it's superiority over other brands, and the fact that no Morrison's staff were intentionally harmed.
[Add comment]
Add your own message to the discussion
To insert a product link use the format: [[ASIN:ASIN product-title]] (What's this?)
Prompts for sign-in
 


Recent discussions in the cooking discussion forum (714 discussions)

  Discussion Replies Latest Post
The All New What's For Dinner Thread!! 646 3 hours ago
Where can I buy bilberries in the UK? 166 21 hours ago
Where IS everybody? 13 6 days ago
Belling or Stoves 900 Dual Fuel Range Cooker? Help! 140 14 days ago
Help - home-pickled onions gone green :( 5 14 days ago
keeping Christmas Pudding 17 14 days ago
Kefir, anyone? 230 16 days ago
Fan assisted oven nightmare! PLEASE HELP! 290 18 days ago
Thermomix..... anyone else got one? 402 19 days ago
Non-stick servers 10 18 Jul 2016
Jelly. 1 13 Jul 2016
Christmas Cake 53 13 Jul 2016

More Customer Discussions

Most active community forums
Most active product forums

Amazon forums
 

This discussion

Discussion in:  cooking discussion forum
Participants:  7
Total posts:  65
Initial post:  21 Jul 2012
Latest post:  6 Aug 2012

New! Receive e-mail when new posts are made.
Tracked by 1 customer

Search Customer Discussions