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lone father needs help with baby not sleeping in his cot.

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Showing 26-50 of 123 posts in this discussion
Posted on 12 Sep 2013 12:37:05 BDT
G. D. Buxton says:
I think one of the biggest problems I had was that my eldest started nursery and he was catching a bug every week and them passing it to the baby, this totally knocked him for six with his sleep cycle.

Posted on 23 Sep 2013 17:16:54 BDT
G. D. Buxton says:
I can't believe my luck, started doing the controlled crying and managed to get him down til midnight and then he as come down with a really bad cold. I will start again once he his better as his cough keeps waking him every half hour.

Posted on 27 Sep 2013 16:12:54 BDT
Tommy says:
I have a 18 month old that has never gone to sleep in his cot, not through lack of trying ha ha. I give him a tummy massage every night and he falls asleep happily. Like you I think my little lad loves to know I'm there and a sensitive soul, he sleeps good through the night now but only after I installed a ceiling fan he would always get too hot and wake. Also he could be gassy when he wakes frequently, mine is always wriggling and baby farts escape and he goes back to sleep but when he wakes I was told just to put my hand on his chest and say he's okay and fake sleep it works most of the time. Trust me your doing a great job and obviously want the best for your boys, hats off to you for seeking advice. When you're boys are older they will appreciate all your hard work.

In reply to an earlier post on 27 Sep 2013 18:43:33 BDT
G. D. Buxton says:
thank you, my baby as now started to go down in his cot for 3 hours without waking, after that it is still a struggle and wakes every hour or so and that is when I get him in my bed. I am hoping that it will gradually get longer and longer before he wakes up. I can hope.

Posted on 29 Sep 2013 03:46:05 BDT
Kim Carter says:
Some children just need to feel you next to them. My daughter was the same, from the minute she was born if she was put in the cot to sleep she would cry. Have you tried placing the cot next to the bed? That way you'll have your space but he can still see/smell you. From 18 months they can go in a bed, make a big deal about how grown up they are having there on bed, stick to a bedtime routing (eg dinner, play, bath, story, bed) and then lay them in bed and sit on the floor next to the bed until he falls asleep for reassurance then day by day move closer to the door, within about a week he should be fine. Persevere, I can't imagine how hard it is for you working so much and looking after such little children but hang in there, if they want to be so close to you they must love you very much and obviously I don't know why their mother isn't around but maybe its separation anxiety, most babies go through it whether they've lost someone from their lives or not.

In reply to an earlier post on 30 Sep 2013 11:02:35 BDT
Steven says:
i also had that problem, i ended up buying a carry cot, i think the problem was that he was laying too flat, try propping your baby up a bit by putting something under the mattrice, i found the carry cot i bought wasnt as flat, it s worth a try.

Posted on 30 Sep 2013 12:55:55 BDT
G. D. Buxton says:
He will now sleep in his cot for 3 hours straight but he his then really hard to settle after that. He his happy to go down awake as well, really strange he will not stay there longer. Hoping his sleep cylcle will continue to get longer as he gets older and he stays longer in his cot.

Posted on 3 Oct 2013 07:16:42 BDT
Gaz. Sounds like it's a big old struggle. Can only imagine how hard it is to juggle the two kids and your job. Well done - I'm sure I'm not alone in saying you're doing great, and I hope the 3 hours you're getting now is helping.

Reading through your comments on the thread, and trying to get a handle of where you're coming from, I'd love to recommend you google attachment parenting. Seems from the messages you've left that you were concerned about leaving him alone when he can't sleep or settle, and that you're wondering whether it's a bad thing to have him with you. We've had our little one in bed with us since she was born. She feels comforted, gets a good nights sleep and when she was hungry in the early days, could latch on to my wifes boobs. Now I'm guessing you're not able to give you're little one boobies (though believe it or not some French chaps did try!!!)...., but you'll be able to give him comfort. Over time, they get more independent and want their own space, but it's such a lovely way to bond and be with the sensitive soul, especially when you're rushed off your feet with everything else. It's also lovely for you, because you're able to soothe and comfort him with minimal disruption to you, and have that gorgeous time of connection.

This has been a wonderful experience for us, and our baby has grown up so confident and self assured. She feels protected and safe with us, and yet is a real leader amongst her peers and is coming on leaps and bounds.

Whichever direction you go on, just want to encourage you and say well done! Have such huge admiration for what you're doing and how hard it must be. Take care.

Big loves, Caleb

In reply to an earlier post on 3 Oct 2013 12:41:50 BDT
G. D. Buxton says:
Thank you, this last week he as been sleeping in his cot for around 3 hours, he as then woke up he and I have given him a cuddle until he falls asleep again. I have put him in his cot for and I ham getting a good 2 hours in my bed alone without him waking.

Posted on 4 Oct 2013 13:30:10 BDT
[Deleted by the author on 4 Oct 2013 13:31:59 BDT]

Posted on 4 Oct 2013 13:30:22 BDT
Mama2 says:
Hi there, I've not read all the thread above so forgive me if I say what others have.
My eldest son would only sleep (and I tried everything and every type of advice sought), truth was he just wanted to be beside me. I think some kids just need the security and some like sleeping with us, our warmth etc. So to avoid accidents I had a big double mattress on the floor and put a bed rail down one side, wall on others. So only the 'end' was free for him to get out off. I also had a gate on door. We slept like that till he was 26 months, then he was big enough (which is key) and tired enough (another thing that happens around the age of 2!) to sleep better, we bought an ikea bed, made a fuss and made sure we were there at bed time till he was asleep. I know it sounds mad but if it meant when he did go down he slept all night most nights - personally i couldn't give a monkeys. What you do at home is your business anything for sleep. Bath before bed, warm milk helps. Cuddles and 'being there' some kids like I say just need more. he will in time be happy to move to his own bed, for now whats most important is him sleeping and you sleeping! it will pass, I promise, just takes 'time' like all the other hard things in life : >

Don't beat yourself up.

Posted on 10 Oct 2013 18:02:48 BDT
G. D. Buxton says:
Thanks to everyone who as helped me this last month. I just wondered for those who are tracking this discussion if you are interested in a discussion I set up called 'anything and everything baby' I set up. I just thought it would be a nice place for parents to go and have a chat and get advice about our kids. same as they have on the fiction forum, some discussions have over 9000 replies. Hope you go there and thanks to everyone again.

In reply to an earlier post on 10 Oct 2013 20:49:40 BDT
Mintyman says:
There are already some great communities out there such as and which are arguably more geared up for these types of discussions.

In reply to an earlier post on 10 Oct 2013 22:52:49 BDT
Hi, there are so many opinions out there! I also follow thought that little man needs to know that you are there for him whatever. My daughter is almost three but I wll still sleep with her if she wants. I ended up putting small double mattress on her bedroom floor and bed rail and lie with her until asleep. If I stay there no problem, if I sneak out to own bed so be it but she generally sleeps alone, beats being exhausted and cold next to cot but means at least they sleep in their bed and not yours. Cuddles and Co sleeping are not bad things! Good luck

In reply to an earlier post on 14 Oct 2013 13:54:28 BDT
manfa83 says:
I no it's hard but the best thing to do is put him down n let him cry just keep checking in on him to let him no your still there.
It's rally hard but it was the best advice I ever got my mate locked me in a room so I wouldn't give in.
Just try it

In reply to an earlier post on 14 Oct 2013 14:05:18 BDT
manfa83 says:
I no it's hard but the best thing to do is put him down n let him cry just keep checking in on him to let him no your still there.
It's rally hard but it was the best advice I ever got my mate locked me in a room so I wouldn't give in.
Just try it

Posted on 15 Oct 2013 11:13:33 BDT
anelca says:
Controlled crying is cruel. The child is wanting reassurance. I know nothing of your circumstances but has something traumatic happened for you to be the main parent? Therefore your calm, reassuring presence is vital, and even if there has been no events, it is equally important for children to know there parent is there for them.
Co-sleeping for newborns is very important (this doesn't necessarily mean bed-sharing, but can do) and if separated from mums at an early age, babies may never feel safe and reassured. Then at a later age separation anxiety can take hold. Nothing wrong with going back to co-sleeping for a while till the phase is over

Posted on 15 Oct 2013 12:46:09 BDT
I totally agree with anelca in the post above. I have 4 children the eldest being 8. All of them have at some point or another slept in my bed. Children need love and security. When you are anxious you seek comfort. A small child gets true comfort from one thing, their parent or carer. It's not bad to co-sleep its natural. My babies were breast fed and brought into our bed freely. With a cot placed alongside my bed side it meant I could touch and reassure without being in my bed when they are too tiny. Once big enough they were allowed to sleep in the bed when needed. My advice would be to ditch the cot. Cots are prisons. The child is contained in a small space which provides no comfort only draws fears. Remove one side. Make it free. If an adult was trapped in a cot we would cry too! There is crime in loving and caring, nature intended us to protect. That's all you are doing!

In reply to an earlier post on 15 Oct 2013 17:27:33 BDT
Hi have you tried putting a hot water bottle in the cot 1st wrapped in an item of your clothing so the baby smells your aroma :-) also have you tried playing music to them whilst holding their in whilst they go to sleep in their cot :-) I hope this may help :-) x

Posted on 19 Oct 2013 07:31:06 BDT
Avid reader says:
I splashed out on a sheepskin pram liner for colder weather but my baby loves sleeping on it & it's given us some amazing day time naps. Only thing is it doesn't fit with SIDS advice of flat mattress so be careful. You could put it under the sheet - my baby is much more likely to go through the 40 min sleep cycle on a softer surface. Remember everything with babies is temporary. Helps to remember that it will get better. Can you ask anyone for help. You're doing amazingly but sometimes even a neighbour would love to help if they knew you were struggling. You need a support network - let people know your struggling - maybe some friends with kids could help even to look after kids once a fortnight & let you have a proper sleep!

Posted on 19 Oct 2013 07:32:04 BDT
Avid reader says:
The no cry sleep solution is a good book by the way.

Posted on 22 Oct 2013 20:57:00 BDT
J. Mcauley says:
My son was the same, I ended up taking the side off his cot and having it against the bed, it worked a treat and he would stay in his bed all night, after a couple of weeks he didn't want to be in my bed! After a while I put a bedside table between the cot and bed and now he sleeps at the other side of the room without a problem. He's 20 months btw, he always hated sleeping in his cot.

Posted on 22 Oct 2013 21:01:43 BDT
J. Mcauley says:
Btw has he always woke up crying a lot through the night or does it only happen when he's in his cot? My son always had terrible reflux and didn't start sleeping through until 17m when I took egg out of his diet (not that I'm saying allergy, he has other allergies too) but that he may be uncomfortable.

In reply to an earlier post on 22 Oct 2013 22:08:25 BDT
Hi, our baby son from 6 months till now (2.5 years) has always been a poor sleeper, waking every few hours and taking forever to drop off. I bought some lavender bed linen spray off amazon and put this on his pillow just before we put him to bed and this really helped him have deeper and more prolonged sleeps. We also bought a lavender pillow and some child essence, all from amazon. You put a few essence drops in his milk at night and it calms them and helps them sleep, it is totally herbal and organic and safe for babies - invest in all 3 to save your own sanity! Good luck and keep up the great work it will all be worth it in a few years.

Posted on 23 Oct 2013 22:42:56 BDT
Last edited by the author on 23 Oct 2013 22:54:13 BDT
My sister was having problems with her little girl sleeping in her cot so she put a pillow under the cot sheet (so it couldn't move) to make it comfier for her, as she seemed to settle well whilst lay on my sisters bed on the pillow. Sure enough my niece sleeps fine now with a little more comfort, you could even try using one of the pillows from your bed for the scent too. I know this probably doesn't comply with SIDS but at 11/12 months old you should be fine now. I use a sleeping bag with my little girl and she sleeps brill in it, but if she does wake i leave her in the cot and she plays with my hands and fingers (for touch and comfort) and nods back off again. I've also heard giving them half a banana before bed helps too something to do with growing pains waking them up (not sure if it works though Lol) perhaps play a white noise cd on low in his room so it's not completely silent when he wakes or leave on a low night light as he could be a little scared when waking if he's used to your bed. Comforters are also good for helping when you cuddle him in the day or he sleeps in the day always have his comforter with him close so he gets used to that rather than you. Also someone mentioned an item of your clothing that's a good one too if he can smell something familiar that will help. Bringing their bedtime forward half an hour can help with sleep too. Ive also got a light projector that turns itself on when my little one starts crying it plays music and a moving picture is projected on the ceiling for 10 minutes then it turns back off again, this is repeated each time they wake crying and it doesn't come on unless they actually cry. Good luck and I'm sure you'll get there it's very common for babies of his age to wake often in the night.
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Discussion in:  baby discussion forum
Participants:  74
Total posts:  123
Initial post:  15 Aug 2013
Latest post:  30 Mar 2016

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