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You're Not What I Expected: Learning to Love the Opposite Sex Hardcover – 1 May 1993

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4 out of 5 stars 4 reviews from

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--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

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Product details

  • Hardcover
  • Publisher: William Morrow & Co (May 1993)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0688114342
  • ISBN-13: 978-0688114343
  • Product Dimensions: 3.8 x 16.5 x 24.8 cm
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 2,003,723 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product description

From the Publisher

Recent review from Body, Mind, & Spirit Magazine
Body, Mind & Spirit magazine says "[You're Not What I expected]'s chock full of clear, intelligent analyses and illuminating revelations that you will find yourself nodding vigorously in agreement-especially if you've wondered why some women and men can obtain socio-economic equality but continue to "have problems" attaining equality in a relationship." --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews on (beta) (May include reviews from Early Reviewer Rewards Program) 4.0 out of 5 stars 4 reviews
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Important Premise 17 Feb. 2012
By R. MARK Plummer - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Wow! I cannot believe this phenomenal book has only one review (so far, or right now) I ordered it after reading another title by the same author ('Resilient Spirit' - another very worthwhile book, by the way, about transforming suffering into growth & insight... and that topic applies to just about everybody on the planet, eh? After all, the very fundamental premise of Buddhism is that suffering is a cold hard fact. How we learn to deal with it, understand it, approach it, and ourselves, etc is the important work of each lifetime and yes in addition to being a Jungian analyst the author is also a follower of the Buddhist path.) Now, back to this book: I ordered it after reading 'Resilient Spirit' and by the time I had read the first 100 or so pages I wanted to share it with nearly everyone I know... I was thinking "Everyone could benefit from this!" I ended up loaning my copy to my therapist who immediately made many approving sounds about the author's premise (at least in the introduction).

Seriously, anyone who is in a relationship, married, dating, whatever, could benefit from what Ms Eisendrath shares in this book. It won't necessarily be an easy ride but it will open up some (many!) eyes and many hearts (hopefully!) with it's clear and patient wisdom. AND the amazing thing is - looking at the prices above here... one can have a copy of this for less that is cost to print the thing!

Eisendrath's basic premise in "You're Not What I Expected" starts with true gender equality which historically has not been possible until recently because of entrenched cultural attitudes and biases. Let's grow, let's evolve, let's move into the next logical phase of human development (one that is long long overdue!) by taking advantage of this historical opportunity for actual equality and real partnership with our most intimate companions. If you've read Riane Eisler's "Power of Partnership" check this book, it is sure to be of interest to you and will expand your thinking (and feeling) on a topic that it both important and "close to home."
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars HUGE book and "hard" reading with a life change 31 Oct. 2014
By David Hanc - Published on
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
this is a HUGE book to read. just at the start but already im having my thoughts about relationship reworked, and how to deal with them. really fascinating book and even it's hard reading and the self-reflection afterwards ist at least for me devastating but life changing. if you want just easy reading, don't get this, if you want some real insight into what you feel - GO GO GO and buy it!
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars In a class all its own 30 July 2002
By Kasha Frese - Published on
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Dr. Young-Eisendrath's thesis is that ours is the first era in history when men and women en masse have the potential to have emotionally intimate, honest relationships. In the past the power in a male-female relationship was too off balance for true intimacy.
Since this potential is a recent phenomenon, very few models exist for a gender-opposite relationship based on equality. The good doctor builds such a model, based on extensive research, and it is flexible enough for all of us.
0 of 2 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Too much jargon! 26 Jan. 2016
By T. S. Morgan - Published on
Verified Purchase
I was hoping the book would have been more reader-friendly, especially for those of us not well-versed in Jungian psychoanalysis. The jargon is nearly impossible to get through. I think I understand the main points, but I'm not finding it very helpful overall. I have a MA in English, and am a Research Associate at The Dartmouth Institute for Health Policy and Clinical Practice, so I'm used to reading dense texts.
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