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Why Him? Why Her?: How To Find And Keep Lasting Love Paperback – 1 Feb 2011

4.2 out of 5 stars 18 customer reviews

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Product details

  • Paperback: 296 pages
  • Publisher: Oneworld Publications (1 Feb. 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1851687920
  • ISBN-13: 978-1851687923
  • Product Dimensions: 12.9 x 2.4 x 19.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (18 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 75,121 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

"Helen Fisher's latest research follows years of experiments analysing the nature of love." (Metro)

"Engrossing, entertaining." - Praise for 'Anatomy of Love' (Publishers Weekly)

"In times of upheaval, nothing offers safe harbor like science. That’s where Helen Fisher comes in…. Her research led her inside the biological mechanisms of mate choice." (Time Magazine)

"Why Him? Why Her? examines how brain chemistry determines temperament and temperament dictates whom we love… [Fisher offers] a giddy, romantic notion, well worth considering." (Los Angeles Times)

"Fascinating…. You may already have your dream lover, but you’ll want to read this for the many insights on the science of love." (Boston Globe)

Review

"Helen Fisher's latest research follows years of experiments analysing the nature of love."
--This text refers to an alternate Paperback edition.

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
This book aims to help people find their correct partner for love and marriage-the brain chemistry for romantic love.
It centres around the supposition that there are four basic personality types, controlled by the dominant chemical element in the body.
The author begins with the statement that scientists now believe that some 50% of the variations in human personality are associated with genetic factors and we inherit much of the factors of the mind.
She however further reminds us that ones personality is more than biology alone. It is made up of one's character which stems from experience and temperament which stems from ones biological make up and chemistry. Character traits being shaped by our parents interests and values. , how people in our community express love and hate ; what relatives and friends regard as polite , dangerous or exciting, religious beliefs, types of recreation and many other cultural factors.

Ones temperament , which is determined by biology, on the other hand is determined by biology and the author quotes Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset who puts it 'I am plus my circumstances' Temperament being the 'I am' and which is the very foundation of who we basically are.

Our biological nature whispers continually within us to influence who we love' continues the author
The four personality types are
Explorers whose basic chemical element is dopamine, and who seek adventure and sensation , are risk takers, are impulsive and curious. And hate the idea of 'being tamed' they crave adventure They tend to be more liberal in their political outlook than the other personality types. Explorers trust their impulses.
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Much of this book is very convincing and clearly well researched by a serious academic and can't be rejected as light self-help nonsense. She takes a view that heritability science is very solid, which is debateable and debated at least to an extent within the field, and I'm concerned there's too much reductionism going on at times (and possibly oversimplified types due to that). Still the personality traits seem pretty recognisable and useful even if the types seem a little rigid at times.

Perhaps due to this, from my personal results it's telling me to go for someone that I really don't like the sound of and don't want to try to search for. Then again, this could be because I'm more of a mixed bag than the simple MAJOR/minor dual personality-type system she uses. Perhaps I'm giving too much weight to the secondary traits as well. She does at times admit some people are more 'balanced' than this dual system, or even don't have a clearly dominant set of traits at all. At least it's got me thinking, reinforces research findings I've seen before, and I believe it will still be useful for me!
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If you are interested in human behaviour, in what defines us from a genetic point of view and what makes some of us more attractive to others and why we do not have to be loved by everyone no matter how hard we tried to be complacent and nice, then this book will be extremely informative.

I call it an ‘eye-opener’. I am one of those people who will do anything to be “loved” by others (my primary personality type is negotiator). However, as my second personality type is the explorer, that makes me detached and sometimes a bit of a loner. Then, I thought there was something wrong with me. How can I like people so much but want to be alone at the same time?
- The answer was simple; I have a more or less balanced personality in the following order: Negotiator/explorer and Director/Builder.

So after reading the book, I feel that I know and understand more about myself and that is helping me to be more flexible.
Furthermore, it made me realise that there is nothing wrong with my husband either (he is a director/explorer), and that even when we can be very different, still we agree in the most essential and significant things.
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Format: Paperback
After seeing a review for 'Why Him? Why Her?' by Helen Fisher in the
local NY Metro paper I was intrigued enough to pick up a copy. Fishers
premise is that there are four general personality types that exist in the world: Explorers, Builders, Directors, and Negotiators. Fisher believes the more you know about yourself and how you are around other types of people the easier it is find people who work in your life. I really had fun reading this book and I laughed many times, as I saw myself, and how my particular personality reacts around different types of people. I feel I now have the tools to know the right type of person for me and will be able to weed out with great ease those who don't work.

Another book I really enjoyed reading (and that's great for leaning about yourself and others) is How to Create a Magical Relationship: The 3 Simple Ideas that Will Instantaneously Transform Your Love Life by award winning authors Ariel and Shya Kane.
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For one thing, the concept is not new. The author herself acknowledges that she drew inspiration from the Myers-Briggs personality types... Reading through, it does seem quite similar, though not outrightly so. And there are a few good things about this book, so I don't regret buying it at all. The book makes it easy for me to identify personality types that people fall into just by interacting or observing them, even if I don't know a lot about them. Unlike the Myers-Briggs method, this book only differentiates between FOUR very distinct types of personalities. I find that quite fun and advantageous, as being a people-person (according to the book, I am a Negotiator - and rightly so!) it helps me avoid saying or acting in ways which might put people off even if I've just only known them for a few hours (or in some cases, minutes!). I'm not one for confrontations anyway and want to get along with most people. The Myers-Briggs method is more precise but it doesn't really offer the user the ease of identifying what types people fall into easily unless they've already done the questionnaire. That said, its not always so easy to pinpoint what type people fall into, even if you read this book. This book says people are primarily one type, and a secondary type, but I find in reality people actually display aspects of each of the four types in various aspects of their lives, and so its not really that straightforward, although I do agree with the author that the primary type of a person is more or less who he or she is most of the time so if you already know that about the person, you would be more or less assured that he/she would be like that most of the time or at least deep down *think* or *feel* that way even if they may not appear to be so superficially.Read more ›
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