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Why Do I Have To?: A Book for Children Who Find Themselves Frustrated by Everyday Rules Paperback – 15 Jul 2008

4.2 out of 5 stars 28 customer reviews

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Product details

  • Paperback: 80 pages
  • Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd; 1 edition (15 July 2008)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1843108917
  • ISBN-13: 978-1843108917
  • Product Dimensions: 17.3 x 0.5 x 24.6 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (28 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 13,968 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product description

Review

Laurie Leventhal-Belfer's WHY DO I HAVE TO? is a thoughtfully structured guide for children who are fustrated with everyday rules and adults who are fustrated with those children. This short book is packed with a comprehensive set of questions, phrased from a child's perspective, dealing primarily with social expectations...This book will be an invaluable addition to the shelves for the children who are challenged by the expectations of daily living. The insightful questions, thoughtful answers, and clinically tested suggestions will decrease fustration for children and parents alike. -- Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders As a SENCO I would recommend this book to staff in schools supporting pupils within the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Finally, this book would also be a useful read for children, young people and their families. -- NASEN This book looks at everyday situations that can cause conflict for children with Asperger's syndrome at home, at school and with their friends. A useful tool to give parents and carers the confidence to tackle behaviours that are regular triggers for conflict. -- Naplic Laurie Leventhal-Belfer's approach shows empathy for children's wish to do things their way, explains why their way does not work, and provides a list of practical suggestions for how to cope with these challenges and avoid feelings of frustration. Her approach encourages children to be involved in determining solutions for dealing with daily rules and expectations...This is the ideal book for children who have difficulty coping with the expectations of daily living, as well as for their parents and the professionals who work with them. -- Speld Magazine, Australia This is a useful self-help guide that tackles a wide range of issues... some of the strategies involve a lot of personal initiation... Although, this book is not explicitly aimed at children on the autism spectrum, it certainly tackles issues particular to this population. The author clearly has experience in this area. she is founder and director of The Friends Program, the therapeutic group project for children with Asperger's in the US... it is certainly a resource that educational psychologists could use in their work with service users. It also be recommended as reading for some children, teachers and parents who are having particular issues with dealing with rules and need a logical explanation and some guidance. It is accessible and easy to read with amusing picture to add interest and most of all, there is a positive ethos underpinning this book, which helps reassure children that they are not alone in their frustrations and there are ways to help. -- Joanna Hill, Trainee EP Debate - British Psychological Society If you want a child with Asperger's syndrome to comply with a social or family rule, it is very important to explain the logical reason to comply. Laurie's book provides the logic for compliance that will be invaluable for parents and teachers. I know this book will become regular bed time reading and be used many times at home and at school. -- Professor Tony Attwood Dr. Laurie clearly understands how children with limited flexibility and difficulty coping think and respond. She has used her clinical experience to teach us how to help these children succeed. Dr. Laurie has provided a format, similar to Social Stories (TM), for reducing stress in daily life and for minimizing conflict stemming from unwritten or everyday rules. While there is no one solution for every child, the stories can be easily adapted for each child. She encourages children to be participants in determining solutions to their problems by providing simple, not simplistic, methods that work. -- Teri Wiss, M.A., O.T.R./L., Director of Development is CHILD'S PLAY!

Review

Laurie Leventhal-Belfer's WHY DO I HAVE TO? is a thoughtfully structured guide for children who are fustrated with everyday rules and adults who are fustrated with those children. This short book is packed with a comprehensive set of questions, phrased from a child's perspective, dealing primarily with social expectations...This book will be an invaluable addition to the shelves for the children who are challenged by the expectations of daily living. The insightful questions, thoughtful answers, and clinically tested suggestions will decrease fustration for children and parents alike. (Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders)

As a SENCO I would recommend this book to staff in schools supporting pupils within the autistic spectrum and/or with ADHD. Finally, this book would also be a useful read for children, young people and their families. (NASEN)

This book looks at everyday situations that can cause conflict for children with Asperger's syndrome at home, at school and with their friends. A useful tool to give parents and carers the confidence to tackle behaviours that are regular triggers for conflict. (Naplic)

Laurie Leventhal-Belfer's approach shows empathy for children's wish to do things their way, explains why their way does not work, and provides a list of practical suggestions for how to cope with these challenges and avoid feelings of frustration. Her approach encourages children to be involved in determining solutions for dealing with daily rules and expectations...This is the ideal book for children who have difficulty coping with the expectations of daily living, as well as for their parents and the professionals who work with them. (Speld Magazine, Australia)

This is a useful self-help guide that tackles a wide range of issues... some of the strategies involve a lot of personal initiation... Although, this book is not explicitly aimed at children on the autism spectrum, it certainly tackles issues particular to this population. The author clearly has experience in this area.. she is founder and director of The Friends Program, the therapeutic group project for children with Asperger's in the US... it is certainly a resource that educational psychologists could use in their work with service users. It also be recommended as reading for some children, teachers and parents who are having particular issues with dealing with rules and need a logical explanation and some guidance. It is accessible and easy to read with amusing picture to add interest and most of all, there is a positive ethos underpinning this book, which helps reassure children that they are not alone in their frustrations and there are ways to help. (Joanna Hill, Trainee EP Debate - British Psychological Society)

If you want a child with Asperger's syndrome to comply with a social or family rule, it is very important to explain the logical reason to comply. Laurie's book provides the logic for compliance that will be invaluable for parents and teachers. I know this book will become regular bed time reading and be used many times at home and at school. (Professor Tony Attwood)

Dr. Laurie clearly understands how children with limited flexibility and difficulty coping think and respond. She has used her clinical experience to teach us how to help these children succeed. Dr. Laurie has provided a format, similar to Social Stories (TM), for reducing stress in daily life and for minimizing conflict stemming from unwritten or everyday rules. While there is no one solution for every child, the stories can be easily adapted for each child. She encourages children to be participants in determining solutions to their problems by providing simple, not simplistic, methods that work. (Teri Wiss, M.A., O.T.R./L., Director of Development is CHILD'S PLAY!)

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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
When this book arrived, I took it out of the cardboard envelope, briskly flicked through a few pages and was already impressed. I left it on my bed to go to make lunch and when I came back, my son had picked it up and was laying comfortably reading it! I hadn't expected to find him eager to read it by himself. I was planning on breaking him in gently, by reading a couple of select pages which I thought would pique his interest first! I decided to ignore the fact I'd spotted him and wait to see what he thought.
Although we've battled with my son for years, it's only now that we've been enlightened to the fact that he has ASD!
Some ideas in the book are fairly common sense but others are interesting strategies and at this point, I am happy to try most things to see what works; what makes for an easier, calmer day! (Phew!!).
It's written concisely, simply and in a clear, good sized font. It speaks to the child in a manner they can relate to...
We read a few pages at bedtime and my son was happy to listen quietly, able to recognise himself in the behaviours we read about. He found the ideas, somehow, more acceptable from the book, rather than my cracking the whip repeatedly over the same issues!
It's a relief that someone has written about the 'every day' things that can cause such difficulties and frustrations, when as a parent you're thinking "but child, you know this already! We have to do it every day!!?".
Thank you!
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Format: Paperback
I bought this book because my son who is 11 is at the stage where he questions what he is asked to do and why he has to do it and can get himself into a state when he doesnt get the answers he wants. This book did not explain anything more to him than i had already said and using explanations that i am sure many parents use such as how would you feel if someone was unkind to you? anyway it does reinforce what i tell him but i felt the book was much more suited to a 'younger child'
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Format: Paperback
This book exceeded my expectations I bought it for my son age 7 with a autism diagnosis. He loved the book and even started coming up with solutions for why he has to do things after we spend time reading it together. I plan to carry it with me for reference until!
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
Brilliant book for aspie kids. Full of lots of excellent answers to typical questions that you can adapt for similar situations.
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My son, who has aspergers and struggles with why he has to do certain things, is 12 and I was afraid this would be too young for him but he got a lot out of it. His younger sister (neurotypical) is 9 and also enjoyed it. I ended up sending it into school with him and his resource teacher also found it very useful.
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Arrived on time and my ASD boy started to read it immediately...not seeing many results yet but these things apcan take time ;-)
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asd support! if you are looking for ideas for supporting a child on the autistic spectrum this book is for you!
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I liked this because the answers aren't long winded and wordy. None of it is rocket science but the language used sticks to the point. Very helpful at home and school.
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