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When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy Mass Market Paperback – 31 Dec 1975

4.2 out of 5 stars 61 customer reviews

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Product details

  • Mass Market Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: Bantam USA; Reissue edition (31 Dec. 1975)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0553263900
  • ISBN-13: 978-0553263909
  • Product Dimensions: 10.7 x 2.5 x 17.5 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (61 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 23,383 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

From the Inside Flap

The best-seller that helps you say: "I just said 'no' and I don't feel guilty!" Are you letting your kids get away with murder? Are you allowing your mother-in-law to impose her will on you? Are you embarrassed by praise or crushed by criticism? Are you having trouble coping with people? Learn the answers in "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, the best-seller with revolutionary new techniques for getting your own way.

About the Author

Smith is a clinical experimental psychologist. He is assistant clinical professor of psychology at UCLA. He is a member of The American Psychological Association, The Society of Psychophysiological Research.

Smith is a clinical experimental psychologist. He is assistant clinical professor of psychology at UCLA. He is a member of The American Psychological Association, The Society of Psychophysiological Research.


Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Mass Market Paperback
Many years have passed since I first bought and read Dr. Smith's revolutionary book. I have never found any techniques so universally applicable for dealing with people who don't care about fairness or my feelings. I have successfully used the broken record and fogging techniques to deal with manipulative relatives who want to tell me what to do "to help me" and self-disclosure and the broken record to convince store employees to accept back defective merchandise even if their store policy "doesn't allow" them to do this! This book taught me how to stand up for myself and stop trying to solve everyone else's problems (the store's agreement with a manufacturer or distributor)and focus on getting what I have paid for. I am smiling as I write this because I have just returned from a trip to a major toy retailer whose store manager refused to take back a defective stroller "because you don't have the box." Needless to say, after using Dr. Smith's methods, the manager gave me full credit on my credit card within fifteen minutes. I never needed to become unpleasant or raise my voice. Dr. Smith should be cannonized by the "doormats" of the world. You will be doing yourself a favor if you buy this book!
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Format: Mass Market Paperback Verified Purchase
I read and then studied this book over 20 years ago. Since then I have looked at similar works that are more complex sometimes using more oblique terms and concepts. This remains in my humble opinion the most useful and practical work on improving a person's ability to effectively communicate and cope with others at all ages in life.

As a means of lessening anxiety in social situations this work if practiced and made part of your way of behaving will greatly improve your ability to get along with people.

Even if your a confident, mostly non anxious person, an indepth study of this work with a lot of practice will bring an even greater sense of being able to cope with most social situations.

It covers all aspects of conflict resolution in peer groups, be it with family, friends, fellow workers, between kids, between you and your kids.

It shows you how to do what you want, if not all the time, then at least some of the time no matter who are dealing with or what the situation may be.

It is not about control as you can't control anyone without bullying. It is about confidently using your human ability to cope and adapt and ultimately to verbally communicate with other people in an effective way that leaves you feeling and knowing you were not manipulated emotionally or bullied.

Remember this is about social, mostly civilized situations, not for when dealing with nutters or muggers.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
This books gave me a completely different prospective on communicating with other people. In a moment in my life when I was desperate to rise to the heights of sophisticated office politics and "fit" into them I learned that there are other ways to realise my goals and achieve what I want - and a better and simpler. This book is about being assertive, non-manipulative and not allowing to be manipulated either. Once you understand the concept it is brilliant and simple - and applies universally in all life situations. Although I thought that some of the examples of personal liberty provided by the author were somewhat extreme - this only proves the point of the book about not doing what you "should", i.e. don't take it as a literate instruction how to solve your problems.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
Take a trip back to the 1970s, when leisure suits, long sideburns and "assertiveness training" were all the rage. Psychologist Manuel J. Smith was a pioneer in the life-changing assertiveness training movement. Reading his bestseller about it decades later adds a new perspective. Some of his advice still feels relevant, particularly when he urges you to beware of those who try to impose their standards of "right" and "wrong" to manipulate you. Smith lists your 10 "assertive rights," the most important being the right to be the ultimate judge of your own behavior. He details several verbal techniques you can use to block manipulation, and encourage productive communication and negotiation. He supports each tactic with sample dialogues from real-life situations. Although some of his counsel may seem as dated as disco, getAbstract recommends his classic training manual to anyone who still feels guilty about saying "no!"
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By A Customer on 4 Jun. 2005
Format: Mass Market Paperback
This book really helped me with being assertive. I didn't really think I needed much help in this area as I thought I was quite an assertive person except when it comes to asking for money back from close friends but this book was enlightening. I found some of the concepts really hard to accept and I realised how appologetic I am when the situation does not require. I couldn't put this book down, I found it so helpful. I highly recomend this book to everyone, even if you think you are assertive. It is an enlightening, well written book and absolutly everyone should have a copy.
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Format: Mass Market Paperback
I've had this book for many years, and had cause yesterday to refer to it for advice for a friend. She had accepted a social invitation which she then regretted and still had time to change her mind but was afraid of offending the person concerned.

Although I was able to find the relevant chapter and quote to her the advice for extricating herself (which she has now had the confidence to do) I realised that it's not that easy to locate what you are looking for, and that the book can be a bit unnecessarily wordy. But it does give good "case studies" and examples, and explains why we react the way we do, and how we can change our behaviour.

It has certainly helped me deal with a troublesome and assertive person who I realised was manipulating me into situations that were making me unhappy. I have now learnt to deal with this in a polite and pleasant way so we are still friends but she no longer dictates to me.

I would recommend this book for anyone who is fearful of offending others and for those who want to learn how to insist on their rights without losing their temper.
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