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When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse Paperback – 30 Mar 2005

4.7 out of 5 stars 12 customer reviews

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Frequently bought together

  • When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse
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  • Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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  • Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men
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Product details

  • Paperback: 384 pages
  • Publisher: Berkley Publishing Group; Reprint edition (30 Mar. 2005)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0425200310
  • ISBN-13: 978-0425200315
  • Product Dimensions: 15 x 2.6 x 22.8 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (12 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 186,121 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Product description

Review

If you have a child who has seen or heard abuse, this book is for you. Patricia Evans, author of Teen Torment: Overcoming Verbal Abuse at Home and at School
The perfect, long-awaited guide for mothers who have been abused also essential reading for every social worker, custody evaluator, guardian ad litem, custody attorney, child protection worker, and judge. Joan Zorza, Esq., editor, Domestic Violence Report
The system to protect the abused is seriously flawed. Bancroft helps mothers win the battle using the court s rules while empowering them to write new ones. The Cleveland Plain Dealer
A gift to mothers who are in abusive relationships. With exceptional compassion and deep understanding, Lundy Bancroft helps abused mothers understand how their children are affected by an abuser s attitude and behavior, and empowers them to help their children heal I strongly recommend the book to mothers who are currently being abused or who have been abused in the past, as well as to therapists who work with abused women and their children. Beverly Engel, MFT, author of The Emotionally Abused Woman and Loving Him Without Losing You

Wonderful this book covers the most important concerns facing an abused mother, in a friendly and compassionate tone that helps women avoid self-blame, while empowering them to promote their children s well-being. Mo Therese Hannah, Ph.D., psychologist, Siena College"

About the Author

Lundy Bancroft has over twenty-five years of experience in the fields of abuse, trauma, and recovery. He has published five books, including the bestsellerWhy Does He Do That?, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay of Should I Go?.Lundy has worked with over 1000 abusive men in his counseling groups. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness, and has presented to 350 audiences across the U.S. and abroad."


Customer Reviews

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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This was recommended to me by a lady on a Kids Turn course run by my local Relate, She had been in a similar situation to me having escaped from a control freak, divorced him but he was still trying to control her life as they had a pre-teen daughter. I'm still sharing a house with mine, in the process of divorcing him but he is reluctant to move out. This book really opened my eyes to a lot of things, my abuse was all verbal, but abuse is abuse whatever form it takes. I didn't realise until 3 years ago that I was in an abusive relationship!! I have purchased and read other books which I have found illuminating. This is a must for anyone who even suspects their relationship may be abusive, I found myself among the pages and it was scary to realise this was my life. It gave me strength and put me on the road to seeing things much clearer than I had been viewing them. My daughter has been affected by verbal abuse also, her father is unable to see the devastation he has caused.
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After suffering at the hands of my husband for many years, I found this book an essential in helping me to help my children move forward. Hard to read at times and emotional but non judgement and gave good practical help and advice.
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An interesting read which did inform my practice when working with children affected by domestic violence. I have a clearer view of how children react to trauma.
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An excellent and insightful book on the subject. Well worth reading.

After reading 'The Verbally Abusive Relationship' I realised I needed to know more about how the abuse had affected my kids, who are both grown-up now with kids of their own. My daughter has often been difficult and seems to blame me for something I am unaware of. So when I saw this book I bought this too, hoping it might give me some answers and insight into what their lives were really like living with all that abuse flying round throughout their childhood.

What an eye-opener! I had tried to prevent my kids hearing what went on, but this book helped me realise that they would have been the innocent by-standers and equally as traumatised as I was, though the abuse was rarely directed at them. I'm sure they were fearful - my son often went into his elder sister's bedroom to be with her when things erupted, for comfort/security. Life was pretty awful for me, so it was certainly no better for them. Like me, they too probably experienced anxiety and dread as the time grew near when their father was due home from work.

It was hard to read this book, and I was very emotional at times, but it has enabled me to see a way forward in order to talk to my daughter about what was going on during her childhood. This book confirms that it is frequently impossible to be a good mum whilst taking lots of abuse, as your instinct is to just try and simply survive. The truth is that you do your best in very difficult circumstances, but through no fault of your own, it often falls short of what is really needed.

The writer confirms that a man who cares for his family and children, doesn't abuse their mother as it prevents her taking proper care of the children. It is important to know that if, like me, you have frequently felt to have fallen short in the "Super Mum" stakes.
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Another good read by Lundy, another good book of his is Why does he do that. it has helped me work better with mothers to get their understanding the impact domestic abuse has on children.
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Was really good insight how to understand how kids feel and what strategies to use to approach kids, long to read but full of plenty of tips, would recommend
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