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The Way Men Heal Kindle Edition
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About the Author
- File size : 231 KB
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 58 pages
- Publisher : G.H. Publishing, L.L.C. (3 Jan. 2013)
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Not Enabled
- Language: : English
- ASIN : B00B0OKZ3W
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Best Sellers Rank: 128,409 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer reviews:
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Golden begins by introducing the masculine side of healing which involves "action", and describes how this differs from the feminine mode which involves "talking" or openly expressing grief. While men generally tend to use the masculine mode when dealing with pain, Golden is keen to stress that people cannot simply be pigeon-holed according to their sex -- both men and women can use both modes. However, as Golden explains, much of psychiatry is based around "talking about emotions" and, in effect, focuses solely on the feminine mode of healing while ignoring the masculine mode.
Golden goes on to discuss the reasons behind this difference, including how men's suffering is invisible and taboo in our culture, and how they can often face prejudice in their grief. If you can't picture how this can be so, he gives the following example:
"Imagine you are being seated in your favourite restaurant. As you are walking toward your table you see a woman at a corner table crying with her head in her hands. What is your first reaction? I have asked this question to thousands of people in the workshops I give. The most frequent response is "She's upset," "Poor dear," "She needs support." Think of what your own response was. Think too of your raw gut reaction to seeing this woman crying. Now erase that image start a new image. You are walking in the same restaurant and as you are seated you see a man at the same corner table who is crying. What is your first reaction? Most people respond that they are very leery of him: "There's something wrong with that man," "He must be drunk" or other phrases conveying the sense that this man needs to be avoided."
Golden describes how, instead, men deal with their pain privately -- usually by doing something rather than by open expression. Typically, this will take the form of practical or creative action, such making a pilgrimage of some kind, dedicating a memorial or a piece of work, or simply listening to music which holds some special meaning. In the final chapters, he discusses how best to help men deal with their pain and provides suggestions for therapists.
In my view, The Way Men Heal is an important work because it is one of the very few texts which discusses how the male half of the human race typically handle their emotions. It underscores the fact that men are human beings with human emotions, and simply because society not allow men to display their emotions in the same way as women, it cannot be assumed that men don't feel pain or are in anyway less human. If nothing else, it provides practical guidance on how to help a male friend deal with his emotional pain and an insight to what he is feeling.
It illuminates the understanding the men have other ways of healing that talking about their problems, which is typically expected of them now that society has become more open about feelings. People need to create a space where men feel safe to talk about their feelings when they need to, but also respects and facilitate that they may want to heal in other ways that are more solitary or ritualistic: whether it's playing music, writing a book, visiting somewhere as a pilgrimage, playing ball in their honour.
Since this book can be read in an hour or so everyone can afford to read it and gain insight.
As I was reading it I realised that there are many types of grief we experience in life, not just the
grief of death. There may be a grief of a marriage break-up, the grief a child being bullied - all
sorts of griefs. Indirectly this book addresses any sort of grief. In the book Mr Golden also has
a link to an article he wrote about the differences between the way boys and girls deal with
emotions, so we have a wonderful synopsis of how men heal, how women heal, how boys (men)
deal with emotions and how girls (women) deal with emotions. Personally I think it is valuable
at ten times the price.