Learn more Download now Shop now Shop now Shop now Shop now Shop now Shop now Learn More Shop now Learn more Shop Fire Shop Kindle Learn More Shop now Shop now Learn more

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars

on 29 May 1999
I am recovering from a 10-year relationship with a man I loved and thought wonderful, who shared with me great world adventures and great times on many levels - but who at the same time was slowly, subtly, making me doubt myself through criticism, public humiliation, tuning out, rude remarks and sudden outbursts of anger. Because this was mixed with fun, adventure and "love", the total effect was confusion and - by the end of it - a complete dismantling of spirit. Patricia Evans' two books have guided me through a long (now 3 years) healing period, which even now is marked with a deep, unidentifiable pain - especially on encountering my ex-husband. The power of Patricia Evans' books lies in their specific outlining of what is actually happening in a relationship where one's deepest self is not honored or cherished. Any woman who is feeling an unidentifiable unrest about her marriage owes it to herself to read these books!
0Comment| 44 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 3 May 2016
This book is really addictive. I couldn't put it down! There are amazing extracts from hundreds of women who have experienced verbal abuse. The message from my understanding is - get out. Or plan to get out. And stay out of this type of relationship. You will always get hurt at the end of the day, no matter how many good days you may have. I wish there was advice on what to do with the children especially if you are scared to confront your partner, or scared to go court or get a divorce. If your children are grown up and in secondary school, with a strong support of friends and schooling years ahead, what do you do? What do you do if your child doesn't want to escape with you? Do you eventually leave without your child? So many things to consider. I can't find a book that covers children. I recommend this book. It's good to know your not alone and that millions of women are suffering verbal abusive language. Read, read and never stop reading so you can be well informed and make a (hopefully) permanent decision.
0Comment|Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 22 October 2013
As I am writing this review I am just now realising that I could be in this book. I am a survivor of a verbally abusive relationship and a truly happy one. I ended the relationship after 2 years and I can not thank Ms Evans enough for opening my eyes to what was going on. This was the last book I read of her books and read it right after my break up and remember I almost had to read it page by page as I was crying so much. For all the wonderful people who are living in the nightmare of an abusive relationship or who just finished it, I can tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can do it.
0Comment| One person found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 16 October 2014
Very informative , helpful. For everyday life
0Comment|Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 19 July 1999
I have been married for 16 years as a verbally abused wife. For 15 1/2 years I just thought my husband was "mean and evil" until I saw Patricia Evans book in the bookstore "Verbally Abusive Relationship and how to recognize them". This book had my husbands name all over it and finally my eyes were opened to what I had been going through for so long. I am now in the process of getting divorced and am relieved to know that I will be getting my life back and living it as I please. Every woman must read this book.
0Comment| 20 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 20 December 1998
If ever some was confused it was me. I tried to be a great husband. But if I said one thing, it was wrong, and if I said the opposite it was wrong. I am a man, and was so surprised when I read this book. My love, my wife, had been helping a friend through abuse, and then I saw a book by Patricia Evans, so I thought "Here is a book for her to use". I picked it up. Wow it was my life. She lied to me. She redefined me. She manipulated me. I took about 3 months to read the book, it hurt so much to see my long term love in this ugly light. Patricia Evans helped me so much and now I am free, to Love me properly.
0Comment| 17 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 22 August 1997
Evans' book brings to light a serious problem in relationships, especially for inviduduals who know something is terribly wrong but have no name for what they suffer. The letters from survivors are vivid, the descriptions of their situations all too clear to someone who has lived in abusive situation. This important book also has firm action plans for recovery, giving hope for the future.
0Comment| 9 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 9 December 2012
This book has been crucial reading for me. I've often wondered why people treat me so badly when I try my hardest to be nice to them. It's all explained in here: they're abusive because they're abusers. Nothing you say or do has any bearing on that, I can now see: they abuse because they are abusers. Simple as that. If they don't abuse you, they'll abuse someone else. This book is mainly about abuse within marriage, but the principles are the same if your abuser is your boss, your friend, your sibling or your parent.

Every little minor thing that happened, all those tiny things that seem so inconsequential but that add up to make you feel paranoid, mad, crazy ... it's all in here. It's not just me, it happens to other people too: now I know I'm not mad, and I'm not making it up, and the reason that nobody else sees what these abusers are like is because they HIDE their behaviour from people they want to impress. Their victim/mark/target gets all the negative stuff that the abuser feels they can't dump on their boss/father/friends, etc.

The book explains how and why an abuser will continue to abuse even after the relationship fails, and how the victim will quite likely be picked up by another abuser. The book explains why explaining (your feelings, to the abuser) won't work. The book shows that abusers ENJOY what they do, because they want power over you, and they won't give up their behaviour unless THEY want to (what you want isn't important to them). Reality 1 and Reality 2 are something I'd not come across before, but it makes perfect sense: the reason you can't communicate your sadness to an abuser is because they are in R1 (having power over another), and have no concept of R2 (mutual respect).

It could be quite a depressing read, but it isn't, it's like finally finding a friend who understands what you're on about, what you're upset about, why you're miserable within a relationship that looks so good from the outside.
There's advice for leaving a relationship, and for surviving if you choose to stay in that relationship, and it's explained why it's never as easy as "just leave him". Good stuff, a classic, very helpful.
0Comment| 6 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 18 June 2008
Author Patricia Evans meticulously researched, described and documented verbal abuse in her previous book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. This time, she gives domestic abuse a human face by including the experiences of verbal abuse survivors, recounted in their own words. You witness their struggles, confusion, pain and courage as they endure abuse, rediscover themselves and, ultimately, hopefully, move on. Particularly heart-wrenching are the stories of women whose abuse was denied, not only by their abusers, but also by their family, friends and even their counselors, exacerbating their feelings of isolation, guilt and bewilderment. One survivor says, "When I talked to a therapist about it, she said to go shopping." Evans covers the same ground as in her previous books, but the addition of excerpts from victims' letters makes it worth the read. If you feel you might be suffering from verbal abuse, or care about someone who is, getAbstract recommends Evans' book. For relationship counselors and therapists, it's required reading.
0Comment| 9 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse
on 3 June 1999
This book was of great help to me. I realized there were other people out there that had experienced the same things that I had. Basically that I wasn't crazy. I was married for 16 plus years and leaving the relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but the best for all involved. My daughters had become a target for his verbal abuse and now they are more aware that relationships are not healthy in that form. Their dad has become more aware of his actions, he has gotten better with time but as far as changing completly, I don't feel in my heart right now that it is possible. I have forgiven but life is to short and it is all about choices.....excellent book. I have read both of Patricia Evans books and several others on this subject.
0Comment| 12 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Report abuse

Need customer service? Click here

Sponsored Links

  (What is this?)