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Paperback – 4 May 2006
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"[An] excellent new book...The Velvet Rage is a chronicle of furtive pathos, anger, compensatory fabulousness, despair, sex addiction, and flickerings of hope as its wounded actors make their way by uncertain stages toward a light of authenticity and self-acceptance their culture does not want them to find or even see. In its pages, through anecdotal moments and analytical passages, one is constantly catching glints of people one has known, behaviors one has seen and heard firsthand and often been baffled and hurt by."--San Francisco Bay Guardian "While we can all hope that the collective experience will change in time, Downs' perspective is still all too relevant."--AOL's Book Maven "Dr. Alan Downs has some words of wisdom....Although unnerving at first, readers might feel kinship with the case study subjects and ultimately, become empowered by the lessons learned and by the self-realizations experienced."--New City Chicago "Peppered with deeply personal reflections... There's no doubt that the men profiled in this sober call for "owning the injury" of growing up gay in a straight world were helped by their counseling, or that there are certainly some readers who will find their own lives reflected in that healing."--Q Syndicate "Those familiar with gay men will find a good deal of honest reporting here. Without being maudlin, Downs, himself a gay man, writes movingly."--Library Journal
The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the recent past, gay men still find themselves asking, "Are we really better off?" The inevitable byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, a shame gay men may strive to obscure with a faade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author's own journey to be free of anger and of shame, as well as the stories of many of his friends and clients, The Velvet Rage outlines the three distinct stages to emotional well-being for gay men. Offering profoundly beneficial strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that will influence the public discourse on gay culture, and positively change the lives of gay men who read it.See all Product description
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This is, without a doubt, a very profound book that smashes you in the face with the issues gay men face and makes you sit up and really think. For me it has felt like the first time in my life that I've truly opened my eyes. I have been putting into place some of the skills Alan has suggested and it's amazing to see that by doing so I feel a sense of inner happiness and joy that I can't remember feeling for a very long time - probably the innocence I felt when in my very early year of 6-8.
This is a must read and cannot advocate it enough. Indeed, it is that good, I've made this the first book for the staff network LGBT network book club in my workplace. Brilliant!
Have brought more copies to give to friends as gifts.
Happy to say I am now in the final stage of acceptance
I used to be what the author had described in the book - nasty, judgmental, disbelieve in love，crazy about being perfect...
Before reading this book, my life could be really tiring sometimes. This book has changed me totally in a better way - psychologically.
I now understand why i used to be so obsessed with being better and perfect. Also the most important thing i recognize the book has taught me is to be generous and ordinary.
Everybody is trying their best to live a life.
It is natural we love a cute face, a hot body, a nice cock, but they are not necessary in a lovely relationship.
After reading this book, I was able to reflect on my own life as a gay man and everything totally made sense especially around "shame" which Downs explains in great detail.
This book contains a lot of good ideas and strategies to live a happier life as a gay man
The final chapter on how to put everything into practice is fantastic and ends the book nicely. I want to say thank you Alan Downs for a compiling and insightful book which is really needed in the gay community.
I totally saw myself in this book in the way i behave in relationships and my self sabotaging behaviour. This isn't going to give you a miracle cure, but it will definitely help you see yourself.
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