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Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood Paperback – 5 Jan. 2017

by Damour (Author)
4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 4,647 ratings
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Leading clinical psychologist Lisa Damour identifies the seven key phases marking the journey from girlhood to womanhood, and offers practical advice for those raising teenage girls.

We expect an enormous amount from our teenage girls in a world where they are bombarded with messages about how they should look, behave, succeed. Yet we also speak as though adolescence is a nightmare rollercoaster ride for both parent and child, to be endured rather than enjoyed.

In Untangled, world authority and clinical psychologist Lisa Damour provides an accessible, detailed, comprehensive guide to parenting teenage girls. She believes there is a predictable blueprint for how girls grow; seven easily recognisable 'strands' of transition from childhood through adolescence and on to adulthood. Girls naturally develop at different rates, typically on more than one front, and the transition will be unique to every girl.

Each chapter describes a phase, such as 'contending with adult authority' and 'entering the romantic world', with hints and tips for parents and daughters, and a 'when to worry' section. Damour writes sympathetically and clearly, providing a practical and helpful guide for any parent, and for teenage girls as well.

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  1. Print length
    352 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Atlantic Books
  4. Publication date
    5 Jan. 2017
  5. Dimensions
    15.6 x 2.24 x 23.4 cm
  6. ISBN-10
    1782395563
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1782395560
  8. See all details
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Review

Finally, there's some good news for puzzled parents of adolescent girls, and psychologist Lisa Damour is the bearer of that happy news. [Untangled] is the most down-to-earth, readable parenting book I've come across in a long time. ― The Washington Post

Anna Freud wrote in 1958, 'There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter during the attempt to liberate themselves.' In the intervening decades, the transition doesn't appear to have gotten any easier which makes Untangled such a welcome new resource. ― The Boston Globe

Damour offers a hopeful, helpful new way for parents to talk about-and with-teenage girls... Parents will want this book on their shelves, next to established classics of the genre. ― Publishers Weekly

Book Description

Leading clinical psychologist Lisa Damour identifies the seven key phases marking the journey from girlhood to womanhood, and offers practical advice for those raising teenage girls.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Atlantic Books; Main edition (5 Jan. 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1782395563
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1782395560
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 15.6 x 2.24 x 23.4 cm
  • Customer reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 4,647 ratings

About the author

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Lisa Damour Ph.D.

Lisa Damour Ph.D.

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Recognized as a thought leader by the American Psychological Association, Dr. Lisa Damour co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast, writes about adolescents for the New York Times, appears as a regular contributor to CBS News, and works in collaboration with UNICEF. She is the author of two New York Times best sellers, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls.

Dr. Damour serves as a Senior Advisor to the Schubert Center for Child Studies at Case Western Reserve University and has written numerous academic papers, chapters, and books related to education and child development. She maintains a clinical practice and also speaks to schools, professional organizations, and corporate groups around the world on the topics of child and adolescent development, family mental health, and adult well-being.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4,647 global ratings

Customers say

Customers find the book's advice helpful, informative, and real-life scenarios. They describe it as an excellent, interesting, and easy read.

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Advice levelReadability
51 customers mention ‘Advice level’51 positive0 negative

Customers find the book helpful, informative, and useful. They appreciate the real-life scenarios and anecdotes to illustrate the salient points. Readers also say the book provides insight into teenage behavior.

"...again - not in a childhood way, more in a ‘wow, this is my amazing pre-teen kid, who needs me in a much different way from when she was little but..." Read more

"...The blessing of a skinned knee by Wendy Morgan which is such a common-sense book My youngest is a teenager now and with so many changes and so much..." Read more

"...the uk, I'm pretty pleased with this book - it's very accessible & down to earth with lots of helpful information about girl's transitions through..." Read more

"I found this book so so helpful...." Read more

39 customers mention ‘Readability’39 positive0 negative

Customers find the book excellent, interesting, and useful. They say it's well-written and provides suggestions on how to word or say things. Readers also appreciate the clear and insightful resource that makes it easier to understand their actions.

"Absolutely loved this book. I was hooked from the 1st chapter, when I found myself saying, “That’s my daughter!” and “That’s me!”...." Read more

"...explains their views and their challenges which makes it easier to understand their actions...." Read more

"...from the uk, I'm pretty pleased with this book - it's very accessible & down to earth with lots of helpful information about girl's transitions..." Read more

"...It is American, but that's fine, it's easy to draw parallels with UK life when you're looking at the nuts and bolts of how to talk to each other...." Read more

Top reviews from United Kingdom

AMorrison
5.0 out of 5 stars Invaluable for how to help your teen daughter (and yourself) grow
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 16 August 2024
Verified Purchase
Absolutely loved this book. I was hooked from the 1st chapter, when I found myself saying, “That’s my daughter!” and “That’s me!”.
I love being a mom & have enjoyed a close, loving relationship with my daughter, so I was caught off guard around the age of 12 when she began getting really upset with me and saying things like she couldn’t talk to me. Add to this some criticisms and lots of tears, I knew I needed some help so I could best help her (and me) navigate unknown territory - and this book has been invaluable.
Since reading it, and implementing the advice, we are super close again - not in a childhood way, more in a ‘wow, this is my amazing pre-teen kid, who needs me in a much different way from when she was little but still absolutely needs me & I’m here for it and so incredibly proud of her’ way.
In fact, the month before I read this, we had several confusing blow ups and since reading this - not one (not to say it will never happen again of course). She’s still had/has meltdowns but this book has given me the tools to help her through them much better and not take them so personally - which has been the golden ticket.
Lots of my parenting (which worked well in childhood) wasn’t working anymore and I was definitely making mistakes. I was at a loss but was able to course correct thanks to the useful, clear advice in this book. Warm, wonderful results were almost instant.
Highly recommend.
3 people found this helpful
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars what every parent of a teenager girl needs
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 17 January 2022
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I have been reading parents' guide books since my eldest one was born ( and she is a mother herself now) and have been through I am sure all the most popular ones. My favorite ever was The blessing of a skinned knee by Wendy Morgan which is such a common-sense book My youngest is a teenager now and with so many changes and so much pressure from social media, it is so much harder being a parent or a teenager now. Lisa's book looks at the issues teenagers are faced with now and explains their views and their challenges which makes it easier to understand their actions. his does not mean to let them get away with bad behavior but when we understand the force behind their behaviors it makes it easier to understand them, explain to them and support them and have a good relationship with our kids . I am so glad I am reading it and will no doubt be re reading it again and again
8 people found this helpful
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Pu55ycat1
4.0 out of 5 stars Accessible & helpful
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 25 August 2020
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As a fellow clinical psychologist from the uk, I'm pretty pleased with this book - it's very accessible & down to earth with lots of helpful information about girl's transitions through developmental stages from teens onwards. It's definitely helping me understand my child's journey so far (age 9) & some of the snags we've already begun to hit & ways to manage them as I work with adults & am pretty rusty on all the child stuff. It is a bit of a shame they've bothered to bring out a UK version but All they seem to have done is change 'grades' to 'years' when talking about which class kids are in at school, there are still lots of Americanisms eg talking about attending varsity that won't mean much to the UK market which seems a bit sloppy, but not a huge issue. I don't necessarily agree with all the advice given but it's written in such a way it can be adapted for what suits your family & I'm hoping this book will help us/me continue to survive throughout the teenage years.
25 people found this helpful
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P.Rox
5.0 out of 5 stars thorough, enlightening and helpful
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 22 August 2024
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I found this book so so helpful. So many things I didn’t know but I am not equipped and prepared to support my daughter through the challenging teens.

Highly recommended
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A. Bristow
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 22 June 2017
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As the mother of an 11 yr old daughter I've been 'bracing for the teenage years to hit'. We have a very good relationship so I'm not all that worried but I am very interested to see what guidance is out there for dealing with situations and issues. I like to be prepared and go in to things with an idea of what might happen. This book contains so many role play scenarios or actual scenarios of parent / child conflict and how they worked through it and the wording she suggests using in conversations with your daughter. Whilst this book is about girls, there is a lot there is generic to teenagers. It is also very interesting to read about how the brain is wired and that at certain ages they are just not ready to understand concepts we are trying to put to them. It is American, but that's fine, it's easy to draw parallels with UK life when you're looking at the nuts and bolts of how to talk to each other. I kept finding myself reading out snippets to my husband saying 'that's why this happened', or 'next time, try saying it this way instead'. The book is also really good at telling you it's ok to feel pushed away by your daughter, it's part of growing up, it's part of the process they have to go through to become independent. I want all my friends to read this to say 'chill, don't keep nagging at your girls'
16 people found this helpful
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Lia
5.0 out of 5 stars enlightening
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 10 July 2024
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This book has really helped me navigate the ups and downs of dealing with a teenage daughter. I have just finished it, but am now starting it again xx
One person found this helpful
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CR
5.0 out of 5 stars SO practical and helpful from page 1 - I can't recommend mend it highly enough
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 13 May 2018
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I just finished this book and found it incredibly practical and helpful from page 1 -- I can't recommend mend it highly enough. I recognise so many of the behaviours the author describes in my own daughters and in myself. I think the most useful takeaway (validation) is that conflict with my daughter doesn't necessarily mean I'm a bad parent; it could mean I'm getting it right, or that some of what feels crazy is actually "normal" considering the development stages my daughter is going through, which she can't be expected to understand or articulte. I appreciate that the advice is backed up by a lot of reputable research (20+ pages of bibliography references) but written in a very readable, non-academic way. I also appreciate the suggestions on how to word or say things and why it makes a difference. I'm going to make my husband read it too.
38 people found this helpful
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Miss C M Palmer
5.0 out of 5 stars I will keep coming back to this again and again!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 April 2024
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An insightful read that made me feel less lonely in parenting my daughter. A practical and useful guide for the teenage years.
3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Jeanette
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful and informative book about raising teen and preteen girls
Reviewed in the United States on 31 October 2024
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I got this book just at the right time. My daughter is 11, and I'm so glad I got this book when I did, right in her tween years, heading into teen years. The book breaks down the stages of transition into adulthood in an informative way that is easy to understand. The book is also helping me to understand the challenges I had myself as a teen.
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Anais
5.0 out of 5 stars I recommend. And it's easy to read
Reviewed in Canada on 19 August 2024
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I tend to be easily bored by these kind of books but this one was Easy to read. And with lots of good hints that might help
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente libro
Reviewed in Mexico on 16 October 2022
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Exceelnte libro para acompañar a tus hijas adolescentes
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Julieta H.
5.0 out of 5 stars Big help!
Reviewed in Brazil on 1 October 2021
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This book gave me such a great understanding and insight of teenagers behavior.
It gives me a guidance and confidence when my teens are acting out. It helps me to know them better and accept the changes.
Loving this book and all parents should read.
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F Ramirez
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read, full of useful, practical advice
Reviewed in Spain on 26 March 2022
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As a parent of a teenage girl, I have learned a lot about what my daughter is going through and how I can best help her to navigate these challenging times without going crazy myself.
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