Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason Paperback – 6 Apr 2006
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""Unconditional Parenting" is going to make you think--hard--about the type of relationship you want to have with your child, about your parenting priorities, and about how to avoid many of the mistakes of our predecessors. It's what we've come to expect from Alfie Kohn, and this is unquestionably one of his most persuasive, important works. For your sake and your child's...read it!"
--Ross W. Greene, "The Explosive Child"
"This book underscores an important parenting principle: Discipline is more about having the right relationship with your child than having the right techniques."
--William Sears, "The Baby Book and The Discipline Book"
"A gift to parents! Armed with voluminous research, Alfie Kohn exposes the harm inherent in widely accepted disciplinary practices and offers a variety of powerful alternatives that make it possible for children to become their most thoughtful, caring, responsible selves."
--Adele Faber, "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk"
"Alfie Kohn holds a crucial position in the American dialogue on parenting. "Unconditional Parenting" is a very important book that can challenge, support, and even change our perspective on what parents do."
--Michael Gurian, "The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls"
"Alfie Kohn does it again: He takes a topic (parenting) that has been studied and written about for years and gives us a wise way of adjusting our lenses so that we really see it clearly. He doesn't give simple rules, he gives deep understanding and a core foundation for parents."
--JoAnn Deak, "Girls Will Be Girls"
"Powerful alternatives to help children become their most caring, responsible selves." -- Adele Faber, coauthor of "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen . . ."
About the Author
Alfie Kohn is the author of nine previous books, including "Punished by Rewards" and "The Schools Our Children Deserve, " that have helped to shape the thinking of parents and educators across the country and abroad. He lectures widely and lives (actually) with his family in the Boston area and (virtually) at www.alfiekohn.org.
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Top Customer Reviews
Read it. It is liberating.
Has really helped me view what I am doing with my children in another light and changed what I do
I was at a bit of a loss as to how to deal with my 3 year olds daily acts of defiance and felt a bit lacking in control. Up until quite recently, we actually hadn't needed an awful lot of "discipline" so to speak, our daughter has been fairly amenable and laid back. But NOT NOW!
So i got this book on suggestion from a forum, and at first i wanted to throw it straight in the bin! It seemed pretty irritating in its idealised view of parenting and i wasn't really agreeing with it. BUT then i read a bit more and it really started to open my eyes as to just how punishment can (perhaps) be perceived by the child....it sprung up loads of questions for me as to whether harsh punishments actually work in TEACHING a child a moral lesson or what is deemed "acceptable behaviour"
The part about rewards i totally agree with, as to say to a child "if your are really well behaved, we will get you an ice cream!" i just think this encourages the wrong kind of self motivation and makes the child think of selfish gains he can get by "behaving" in a certain way. Id rather just treat my girl to something every now and again just because i love her and its a nice thing to do.
The general concept of this approach, is that punishment and consequences are not affective in teaching a child how to BE a nice/compassionate/caring/sharing person. The alternative generally, is to talk to your child, explaining just why its bad to hit (for example) but not to punish them as this could lead to a child feeling that they are not "acceptable" when they are behaving in a negative way.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I love this book! I don't necessarily agree with everything the author says (especially that all rewards are bad) but I think what this book does do is make you think about how you... Read morePublished 2 months ago by Thegirlinthefireplace
This is such an eye opener.
All of its conclusions are based on hard evidence.
Sadly I only came across this very recently and not 7 years ago. Read more
If you need one parenting book, this is the one. Gentle and intuitive, helps you figure out what you already know. I can't recommend it enough.Published 7 months ago by R. Lazaro
excellent book for any parent or educator. Makes you think a lot about what you are doing and what you want for your child in the future. Read morePublished 10 months ago by hanelore lott
A powerful book. Reading it again. Not only does it get you thinking differently about your relationship with your kids, it also gets you thinking about your relationship with your... Read morePublished 11 months ago by Me
A great book that challenges you to take a brave look at parenting. It gives a lot of pointers on what it really means, in practice, to take our children seriously. Read morePublished 12 months ago by Annemieke
I have not started to read this book but for what I have glanced through it looks like an interesting and thought provoking read.Published 13 months ago by sleepyMo
My husband and I spent two weeks on reading it. We did it slowly and patiently as it is an awarding winning book. Unfortunately, we really didn't find it very helpful. Read morePublished 14 months ago by LILY