on 13 October 2011
This book (I bought the ebook but will treat myself to the print version too) saved my sanity and stopped me from getting into deep water with an ex (married) who tracked me down on Facebook. It would be equally helpful to anyone struggling with contradictory relationship behaviour (including their own), and/or constantly ends up in unsatisfying relationships.
The author has lived it and is absolutely clear on how to turn your life around - the answer lies with you. Not him!
It's helped me in dealings with friends, colleagues and family too.
No book (apart from the Bible) has had such a positive influence on my life. I've read and binned a dozen self-help relationship books but this ones a keeper.
I'm really grateful to the author. Thoroughly recommend.
on 4 April 2012
Recieved this book this morning and have not been able to put it down until it was finished.
It was like reading about me. Just brilliant and a huge wake up call.
If you are looking at purchasing this book it is probably because you are in desperation over some guy that you believe is the 'one' but for some reason he wont commit, leave his wife, blows hot and cold etc. But you love him right and you know deep down that he loves you and that one day it will all be happy ever after.
That was me yesterday when I ordered this book. Having read it I feel like a different person and am not going to be available for Mr Unavailable again.
Just brilliant (and believe me I have read so many books about this kind of stuff!) I have never ever left a review for any purchase form Amazon before and I order my life from here, but just had to write something because this book is the best thing I have ever read and the author should be sainted!!
on 14 December 2012
I've read so many books on abusive relationships, attachment styles, self-esteem and god-knows-what-not that I could probably write one myself. Still, despite all the "knowledge" I was ending up in strange relationships with guys that never seemed bad for me at first. It always starts wonderfully, and then it goes all bad, and I just can't seem to be able to move on. It was as if I was just continuously unlucky - and one sentence from the sample made me buy this book: "confronted with the truth of my relationship history, I had to accept that I'm the only recurring character in the soap opera called my life". That seemed so "me" that I just had to check this.
It was not an easy read. It's one thing to have a nagging feeling that perhaps you're responsible (i.e. in control) for all the hurt that happens to you - it's yet another to have it black on white, and from someone who had been there before. Normally I am a really quick reader and usually go through a good book in one sitting. This book is good, but it still took me 2 weeks to digest, and not without occasional wet eyes. At the same time, all the difficult messages are delivered in such a loving way that it becomes cathartic. It feels as if an older sister was telling you "yeah, I know, I felt the same way, I made the same mistakes, it's wrong, you can't do that - but look, you can change it this way".
This book has finally connected all the dots that were there, from all the other sources - but I could never see them in so straight-to-the-point, all-in-one way. As I was reading it, I could see myself just nodding "yup, this type: Mr X, that type: Mr Y, been there, done that, and this is WHY I've done this". Finally I have a feeling I'm moving in the right direction - even if the journey is not always easy. I still stumble from time to time (ironically, last week the biggest Mr Unavailable in my life got back in touch after months and months of us not speaking to each other...) but I keep on coming back to some chapters to remind myself what it's all about. The no-nonsense, cut out BS approach works for me. I'm absolutely convinced it comes from Natalie's credibility and own experience. Only somebody who has gone through all that knows exactly what kind of excuses, thoughts and motivations go in our Fallback Girls' heads. And the fact that she has managed to sort it out gives me faith that it is possible. There is a massive amount of advice, ranging from easy tips and simple "never do that" rules, down to much deeper ideas that take time to implement.
If the "unable to stay, unwilling to go" phrase rings a bell, if your friends tell you you keep on dating the wrong men but you can't find the strength to move on, if you always end up in relationships with loads of drama, if you know perfectly well this guy is bad for you (crying all the time can't be right!) yet you can't let go, if every time you find yourself in a relationship you try to set some kind of boundaries and consistently fail with that and keep on moving them (or you even stopped trying) - READ THIS BOOK. You can save yourself an awful lot of time and not get stuck in something that will never work.
Ultimately, as we've heard so many times before, it's not about you, it's about him. What they often don't tell us, it IS about you if you stick to him (or others like him) or move on. So read this, and move on.
on 25 January 2012
I have just broke up of an unhealthy relationship and felt a bit sad. This book
opened my eyes to my doubts, it was therapeutic to read, I was not alone.
I was dating unavailable men since my youth, without knowing why. Now Iam
single, independent and very happy with my life again. I do not need to
find love in the worng places again, this book changed my life forever.
I wish, it will change yours for the better too.
on 8 February 2012
Very easy to read, very simple to understand and I can recognise every single one of my ex boyfriends throughout the book! It is written in a lovely matter of fact way. I've really enjoyed reading it and have found out lots about me. I can now at least see the signs of an emotionally unavailable man which will hopefully save me from heartache, although it has made me wonder whether emotionally available actually exist!
on 7 November 2012
Iv read many a self help book on this matter (I regret to say!), but they all pale in comparison to this one. Theres no tip toeing around with this - Natalie Lue gets straight to the point and delivers complete honesty and clarity in every page (unlike many authors on this matter who tend to tell you what you want to hear and lead you to believe that you just need to play the 'game' better and blah blah blah). This book is about no longer making excuses for him/them, and seeing whats really there in black and white (and not rose tinted!). The author has herself experienced everything she talks about first hand, so you can truely indentify with her - you will read this and you will feel like you are reading about yourself! Reading this book will rid you of that burden of years of thinking that its always your fault and that you're somehow unlovable. This book boots him off the jewel encrusted pedastel you've had him on for so long!
on 8 March 2013
Natalie Lue has a huge knowledge and understanding in this area. She has an amazing ability to help women (and some men) who are, or have been in this situation, to recognise and understand what has been happening and the predictable patterns that occur in such relationships. Her counselling skills enable her readers to pick up the pieces, change patterns, heal and move on in awareness into future healthy relationships. I have read lesser work by 'professionals' in this field.
on 6 May 2012
I found it hard to put this book down once I discovered that I have a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable men. Really easy to read, slightly repetitive but very enjoyable and I could identify with lots within the book, espeically me and many of my ex boyfriends! Hopefully this has put me in a better position to avoid these types of men in the future, especially as I have done a lot of work on myself which has helped me to recognise why I found men like this attractive in the first place. It is no coincidence that you end up with one emotionally unavailable man after the next!