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Twice Born: Memoirs of an Adopted Daughter Paperback – 31 May 1998
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"A personal account of the painful problems caused by the adopted child's aloneness among his or her contemporaries and the need (often supressed) to know of, even to find, the biological parents." --"The New York Times Book Review""Deeply stirring...important and enriching." --Elie Wiesel""Twice Born" is an eloquant book." -"-Psychology Today"
Told at seven that she was adopted and at thirty that her natural parents wer still living, the author recounts her psychological, emotional, and actual search for her origins and her subsequent meeting and relationshp with her natural mother.See all Product description
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Highly Recommend this book - you will NOT be disappointed!
because they had two daughters and I wanted my son to have siblings.) I was able to put him through the school of his choice and
assist him in finding employment in his field. I have supplied as much information about family health issues and am available at
any time my son needs me. I spent 10 years tracking down his Father and finally was able to connect my son to him. Nothing is easy. My son has met many members of my Family, and one or two of his Father's. He married a woman I introduced him to, who is also
an adoptee. I felt that having that in common was so unique and I had know her since she was a school girl. Fortunately, they
married, are happy and have two children. They are a creative family & a happy one. Not everyone gets that much of the pie.
I have tried to fill empty spaces and answer questions, to the best of my ability. I love my son and he knows it. He is my only son.
The others are stepsons. Does everything work out perfectly? Hardly! But he is my blood and I would do anything for him or either of my Grandchildren. You make the best life you can and you make the "adoptee" feel as welcomed, needed, wanted - no strings attached -- as you can. My son and I have excellent communications and, keeping with pact I made with him, when we first reconnected, he will always know where I am and how to get in touch with me. I am at his side whenever he needs me to be. He has grown into a beautiful human being and one with whom I much in common. I have the luxury of telling my son, every time we talk, that I love him, that I am proud of him and that I am always here for him, no matter the reason.
That is to say, each member of the triad traverses the adoption journey haunted, as it were, by spirits of "would have's" "could have's" and "should have's"---those beings they imagine they could have had, or been--- if only their birth parents had raised them, if only they had not forsaken their birth children, if only they could have born biological children themselves.
At the time this book was first published, in 1973, this topic was still quite taboo. Adoptive children were supposed to be grateful for the new lives they had been given and never to look back, just as birth parents were supposed to give their children to those better suited to raise them than they, and as adoptive parents were to raise their new children and never reflect on the ones they might have had, if only....
But for all three members of the triad, and especially for the children, the ghost beings---who they might have been, and who their birth parents might have been---are powerful psychological forces with which, even today, the educational, medical and psychological communities are all too unfamiliar.
People assume that adoptive children (barring illnesses of any kind) will develop in the same ways as all other children, but as BJ Lifton shows us from her own upbringing, this is far from true. Such children carry other beings with them, secret selves, and secret birth parents, who live in their imaginations, and whom they need to discover and meet in order to develop a complete sense of self.
Herein, Lifton offers readers the very daring, candid observations she made concerning her own journey through self-discovery, the process of determining what it means to be adopted, and what it means to each and every adopted child to discover the biological roots from which they hail.
This book is superbly written, and should be required reading not only for adoptive parents, but for all members of the educational, psychological, social services and medical communities who ever come in contact with adopted children. Reading it was truly enlightening.
--Alyssa A. Lappen
Judith and Martin Land, "Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child," listed Twice Born as a critical reference on page 276.
Judith Land, Author
Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child