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on 16 December 2001
Not really ground breaking, but a refreshingly readable and user friendly book, clearly written for parents. The book is written in an unpretentious manner and acknowledges that not all discipline methods work the same with all children. Many proven techniques are explained with the emphasis on developing a childs personal skills, shutting down negative behaviour, and maintainng parental authority.
Clever (and often humorously unrelated to parenting) analogies made the authors points clear to understand in a lighthearted way.
The book explains why praising and charts/rewards systems are so ineffective with defiant children. Also provided are many helpful scripts and phrases that are useful in shutting down arguing and badgering.
I liked how it was stressed to use empathy and sadness when using consequences (as opposed to anger) making them much more effective. One problem I had though, was that most of the consequences described seemed to involve forcing the child to do something. With non-compliance it is sometimes easier to take something away than to try and force an un-cooperative child to accomplish something.
The book also reminds parents that even the best discipline methods are completely ineffective without first building a strong relationship with your child.
Some other good books with similar philosophies are: "The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids", Setting Limits" by Robert J MacKenzie, and "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child".
"Try and Make Me" is an excellent and very encouraging book, well worth reading.
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on 6 June 2006
I work with parents and teachers of children with varying degrees of challenging behaviour and recommend this book to all of them. It is written in a no-nonsense, easy to understand way and contains so much common-sense advice. It is useful because it not only points out why some parental approaches don't work, but suggests alternatives that do. It is not condescending or judgemental. I have had to buy several copies of this book over the past few years, since first discovering it, as I have lent it out and have never had it returned! Of all the resources and books I have access to, this is one of the best!
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on 21 January 2001
This book should appeal to parents and to parent educators. It offers simple step-by-step solutions to common problems encountered by parents of very difficult children who are described as defiant, without imposing blame. It focusses on ways of changing children's behaviour that are positive and practical without professional jargon. Easy to read, easy to use, a must for professionals working with parents and a useful resource for parents themselves.
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on 1 August 2007
I absolutely love this book. It's fascinating( and relieving) to know that children's behavior is the same in America as it is here in the UK.
Although I wouldn't class my eldest child as overly defiant, there have been times when I have not had a clue on how to deal with my child's behaviour.This book has shown me that your instincts are not always right.
I loved the analogy of horses and camels and how children can be similar.You will have to read the book to understand that last statement.I could relate to many things mentioned in the book and could also see how many other parents are getting things wrong.Highly recommended.
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on 15 September 2012
Very helpful. As the parent of a very challenging adopted child, I've found this really useful. I particularly like the balance between how to manage terrible behaviour as it happens and building the parent-child relationship - and the practical suggestions for doing so.
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on 23 September 2012
At the end of my tether with my 4 year old I bought this book and found parts of it immensely useful. Something has worked as she has been an absolute angel since I read this. Highly recommend!
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on 9 March 2014
I don't like this book, too American! Written by American authors/clinicians and so all the examples of bad behaviour/how to deal with it are geared towards an American way of life.
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on 28 August 2014
Amazing book - a must read and eye opener for any parent or teacher of defiant children !! Worth every penny, a real lifeline
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on 16 January 2015
Excellent practical suggestions
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