Top positive review
61 people found this helpful
Makes you think
on 22 September 2009
I bought this book for a friend who has been trying to decide whether to leave her marriage for several years now. But I had a browse through it, and found it hugely interesting and easy to read.
I disagree with some of the other reviewers who suggest that the book encourages you to leave on the basis of a single negative response. On the contrary, the book is full of shades of grey (as in real life). The author is clear when an answer means:
- you should stay and work on the issue;
- most people who left were happy with their decision;
but I did find that she always left open the possibility of exceptions to every rule.
It is not as cut and dried as "you've answered no and therefore you should leave", but it does make the reader examine types of behaviour that perhaps the reader wouldn't have considered or categorised before, and it explains what those behaviours mean, why they might be happening, and whether they are fatal for the marriage.
I found it very balanced between 'stay' and 'go' (it certainly isn't a marriage break-up book) and it was full of useful anecdotes. I sincerely hope my friend will find the courage to read it, and that it will help her with her choice.
One very useful thing that the author points out throughout, is that an ambivalence about whether to stay in the marriage is the worst of all worlds. If you are going to stay - then do so, and work on the problems. If you are going to leave - then do so, and get on with your life. But drifting on, in ambivalence, for years and years and years is simply a waste of both your and your spouse's lives.