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ToddlerCalm: A guide for calmer toddlers and happier parents Paperback – 3 Oct 2013

4.7 out of 5 stars 89 customer reviews

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  • ToddlerCalm: A guide for calmer toddlers and happier parents
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  • The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children from birth to seven
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  • The Gentle Sleep Book: For calm babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers
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Product details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Piatkus (3 Oct. 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0349401055
  • ISBN-13: 978-0349401058
  • Product Dimensions: 15.2 x 2.2 x 23.5 cm
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (89 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Bestsellers Rank: 3,572 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Product Description

Review

I welcome this book as a sensitive antidote to the alternatives. It is not advocating permissive or authoritarian care, it is a paean to the glorious fun and joy which can result from understanding your toddler, seeing it from their point of view, and then gently nudging them towards maturity (Oliver James)

Everything you say in the book really resonates with the way we hope we will parent (Dame Sarah Storey)

I like the fact that ToddlerCalm is written in a non-judgemental way. It offers support and guidance to parents and I find myself dipping in and out of it for advice and reassurance. I can really relate to the personal stories and love the quotes throughout.
The section on Avoiding Difficult Situations got me thinking about all of the times I dreaded 'circle time' at the various parent/toddler groups I went to. If I had read this book first I wouldn't have felt the need to persevere and my toddler and I would have happily pottered at home instead of feeling we always had to be so busy!

(Nell McAndrew, model and marathon runner)

Book Description

A new, empowering guide for parents of 1-4 year olds, based on the successful ToddlerCalm parenting classes which aim to help parents confidently enjoy the first years with their child.

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Customer Reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
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Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
I've just finished this and it's a real eye opener. I read BabyCalm and attended the classes, and after a year I feel like a pretty confident parent of a baby. With the toddler years approaching I felt the need to be prepared, so this is the first book I went for. What it does first and foremost is provide facts, not opinions or anecdotes, but actual scientifically verified facts about toddlers; how they are developing, why they do what they do, and how we as parents can help them along.

The science on offer is broken down and explained in a way anyone can understand, but that's not to say it's "dumbed down", it isn't. It's explained clearly and succinctly so anyone can read it, understand it, absorb it and put it to use in your life. Most importantly, it makes you think! It also, again very clearly, is lay out what is normal for a toddler; it may not be societies idea of a 'good' toddler (i.e. compliant, quiet etc) but it's just normal. Reading that is incredibly reassuring and alleviates all kinds of parental stress and anxiety.

What it doesn't do it 1) claim to know your child 2) give you a list of do's and don'ts, which if you can't achieve makes you feel like a failure and 3) set up your toddler and some kind of adversary (the impression I get from many 'child experts') who's out to ruin your life.

If you have a toddler, get it. If you have a baby who's around 1, get it. Arm yourselves with knowledge, and knowledge derived from science not habit and authority.
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Format: Paperback
I found this book an easy read, I could pick it up and read sections in bite size chunks which could fit in round my busy life. The book covers the physiology of brain development in an easy to understand format, which helps me to relate to all the sections of the book, when discussing normal toddler behaviour. ToddlerCalm has helped me to understand that most `naughty' or unwanted toddler behaviour is actually normal and actually a good way of helping them to develop into a well rounded and emotionally receptive adult. ToddlerCalm offers an alternative to the traditional behaviourist approach to coping with toddlers and challenges the usefulness of these mainstream approaches when it comes to the long term goals we want for our children. ToddlerCalm doesn't offer quick fixes, it makes no claims too. I found the book to be a great way to introduce the concept of responding to your child in a respectful and compassionate way and helping me to understand my role when reacting to my children's unwanted behaviour as they grow and importantly the information discussed is based on research and sound evidence.
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I bought this after someone recommended it on Facebook. I have 26 month old twin boys who are the lights of my life but are just entering the black hole of none-compliance and screaming/throwing frustrated tantrums (the last because we weren't going to the Post Office?!) that seems to characterise toddlerdom. The information about toddler brain development and their lack of comprehension of consequences was really helpful to me, I realise they cannot share nor care about anyone else's feelings. Has it stopped them from hurling toys across the room and bouncing on each other's heads? Nope. Have I stopped pleading with them to share/stop throwing/don't be noisy..Yes. Knowing I can't make them understand and that I am [probably] not raising the next Ronnie and Reggie Kray has made me much less stressed, and when Mum is relaxed she can simply give on-lookers a benign smile whilst her boys lie screaming on the floor outside the Post Office safe in the knowledge that hissing 'Stop It!' isn't the answer.
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I have twin toddlers aged 2 & a half (boy/girl) and, like most other toddler parents, we are experiencing the full force of the toddler two's (I don't like to say terrible two's because they aren't!).

I have found this book a joy to read in the sense that it encourages the reader to look at the world from the toddler perspective. It is a big, scary world and most of what they do is trying to cope with this. This book has helped me to see this and how, often, it is my behaviour that needs adjusting and not theirs.

Just giving them a little more choice (within limits) and engaging in more creative and 'free' play where they lead has meant for more peaceful episodes.

I would definitely recommend this if you parent a toddler. Just understanding that they are not mini adults helps you to overcome the daily, hourly (!) battles.
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This book is a synthesis of ideas from various places, the majority (although not all) of which I agree with wholeheartedly. It's done fairly well, but I think how useful it is will probably depend on what you have already come across before as well as what seems blindingly obvious to you - if you've never read a parenting book, it will probably be interesting. I didn't find it contained any earth-shattering practical advice.

It's very readable, but I did find the CRUCIAL acronym annoyingly contrived, and could have done without the constant suggestion that all parents behave in various ways that I have never done! Ultimately I don't think it changed the way I parent at all, but observing other parents, I can see that it will certainly be useful to a lot of people.

The contents are roughly as follows:

- 'Who do I want my toddler to be?' - this is all about the fact that when you are parenting you are playing the long game, discussing the development of empathy, confidence and independence, curiosity and a desire to learn, and commitment and ambition, saying things like e.g. the way to develop empathy is to exhibit compassion your self, the way to develop independence is to allow more dependence when younger etc.
- 'Why toddlers are not mini adults' - this is the 'science' chapter and talks about synaptic pruning, the triune brain theory, Piaget including his three mountains experiment, and Bandura's bobo doll. The basic message is that the early years are important and there is stuff that toddlers' brains just aren't biologically capable of yet.
- 'The science of toddler sleep' - this basically says to accept that toddlers sleep badly. Only practical advice is to get to bed early, get blackout blinds and have a nice bedtime ritual.
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